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Satire Since 1993


Past Trump "SUCKESS" Stories

Trump Casinos - FAILED! but the house always wins?!     Trump Casino PC Game - came with a free night stay!

Trump University - SHUTDOWN for Fraudulent Acts     Trump Steaks - FAILED in 2 months!

Trump PrivaTest Urine Test - FAILED!     Trump Waters/Trump Ice - Vanity Brand at Trump Properties

Trump Foundation Charity - SHUTDOWN for Illegal Acts     GoTrump travel agency - FAILED!

Trump Shuttle Airline - FAILED!     Trump Vodka - FAILED!     Trump Mortgage - FAILED!

Trump: The Game - Sold Very Poorly     Trump Magazines - FAILED!

New Jersey Generals - FAILED!     Tour de Trump - rebranded after 2 years!

Trump on the Ocean - FAILED!      The Trump Network - FAILED!      Trumped! Talk Radio - 2004-2008

Trump New Media - FAILED!      Truth Social - PENDING FAILURE     

Trump Organization - NY Civil Tax and Business Fraud Convictions and ongoing NY Criminal Fraud Trial

Trump 45 Presidency - Historians Lean Heavily Towards FAILURE     January 6 Coup - FAILED! so far...

Trump 47 Presidency - ... America FAILS!?


'TRUTH' or something dissimilar

The 21st Century Messiah for

Business and Political Salvation

April 10, 2024   •   Issue 186 (of 200?)

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Documentation obtained by G.O.D.'s scorecard from April 5, 2024 as reported by caddy Angel Gabriel. Angel, a longstanding employee of the Trump Bedminster Golf Club (but, per our research, an undocumented alien thought to be from the Middle-East) provided the evidence to the WHN.  © 2024 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Sports Super Star Donald Trump says: "Buy these and flee the Capital Police even faster!" and "If Jesus had worn these, Pontius Pilate would never have caught him... and, sadly, that would have meant that we would not have tasty chocolate Easter Eggs today... So all's well that ends well! Yum, chocolate eggs..."  

© 2024 Ned Ander-Thal,

World Headline News

Almost Washington State (WHN) April 10, 2024.  The New York City and the east coast of the United States were hit by a 4.8 magnitude quake at 7:23 am on April 5, 2024. It was the largest quake to hit the area in over a 100 years making for BIG NEWS HEADLINES and TELEVISION COVERAGE! In New York, dogs scampered and yowled and mass destruction, er, ah, no damage, was observed... no deaths, no injuries, no building collapses. But, coupled with the (April 8) solar eclipse, it was clear to some that GOD was on the warpath.

Representative Marjorie Taylor-Green was among the first to sound the warning about God's impending wrath: "God is sending America strong signs to tell us to repent. Earthquakes and eclipses and many more things to come, I pray that our country will listen!"  Representative Greene has previously claimed that godless Democrats and the liberal billionaire, and Holocaust survivor, George Soros are behind God's wrath on America - massive forest fires, COVID, Biden, eclipses (2017, 2024), Beyonce singing country music, earthquakes, and Trump's legal woes.

WHN's resident scientist and religious theologian Dr. Ned Ander-Thal was asked about Ms. Greene's warning.  Surprisingly to some, Dr. Ander-Thal AGREES WITH GREENE: "God is out to get some Americans. But, Ms. Greene is mistaken as to the target. God's target is Trump and Trump supporters!"  Doctor Ander-Thal outlined the evidence for his conclusions : 1)  God literally sent a plague (Covid) to America in 2020 for the last year of Trump's term; 2) Despite the prayers of the insurrectionist, January 6 failed and Biden entered office; 3) Massive fires in Texas in 2024 in areas where Trump won 80+% of the votes; 4) The Solar Eclipse totality is predominantly covering red states that voted for Trump in 2016 and 2020; and 5) Most informatively, the "New York Quake" was actually the "Trump Bedminster NJ Golf Club Quake" as the epicenter was only ~3 miles (5 km) from the Trump Bedminster Golf Course and Donald's summer residence. Per Dr. Ander-Thal, this is clear evidence that Ms. Greene, while RIGHT (and clearly she is Far Right), is theologically wrong.

OH, and don't get Ms. Taylor-Greene started on the coming plague of trillions of God's sex-crazed cicadas emerging this May! For the first time since 1803, the 17-year (Brood XIII) and 13 year (Brood XIX) broods will emerge at the same time! 'Cicada-geddon' is sure to be worse than Godzilla...

World Headline News


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Almost Washington State (WHN) April 10, 2024.  Not listed among Trump's litany of 'suckesses' are the numerous licensees of the "TRUMP Brand".  New ventures in Trump Sneakers ad Trump Bibles are on the shelves now as well as in the news!

But before the bibles and sneakers were the hotels, resorts and condominiums that have exploited the Trump name - for cold hard cash to 'The Donald'. Sadly, several Trump property development licensees have scammed pre-paid owners out of millions and never built the structure.  Mr. Trump was 'immune' from the lawsuits as he had only licensed his name to the development and was not an owner - and he got to keep the millions paid to him upfront for licensing his name.

Also of note, most real estate properties not owned by DJT have actually removed all traces of the, now tarnished, 'Trump Brand'.

Trump has NEVER filed for personal bankruptcy - though it is well documented that his father bailed him out of serious financial difficulty multiple times. There is some speculation that Trump might consider personal bankruptcy as a means to avoid paying the more than $550,000,000 in legal judgements that he is currently appealing in New York state - though this would likely occur after the 2024 election.

Trump HAS filed for business bankruptcies SIX times. These were the result of over-leveraged hotel and casino businesses in Atlantic City and New York: Trump Taj Mahal (1991), Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino (1992), Plaza Hotel (1992), Trump Castle Hotel and Casino (1992), Trump Hotels and Casino Resorts (2004), and Trump Entertainment Resorts (2009). But this occurred only after he could NOT find someone else to takeover* the properties.

*FOR EXAMPLE: Trump Shuttle (airline) was created by Trump in June 1989 for when he bought a bankrupt airline for $365 million which he financed via Citibank. The loan included $135 million of debt personally guaranteed by Trump. By late 1990, Trump Shuttle, and Trump, defaulted on the Citibank loan. In April 1991, Citibank made arrangement with Northwest Airlines to take control of Trump Shuttle. But, Citibank had a problem. Donald was still potentially on the hook for $135 million dollars and Trump only agreed to cede control of the bankrupt airline in exchange for Citibank forgiving him of (at least) $100 million of his $135 million personal debt liability.  Citibank agreed to this as losing $100 million is better than losing $365 million.  In April 1992 Trump Shuttle ceased to exist as it was renamed US Airways Shuttle.  Thus ended Trump's 'high-flying' adventure.

While documentation suggests that Trump was still personally on the hook for ~$35 million to Citibank, it is unclear if he ever repaid the debt or if, more likely, Citibank wrote it off as a bad loan (hence, making the taxpayer pay the debt).  Thus, Trump Shuttle was not technically a bankruptcy, but rather a loan default and forced sale by the lender (Citibank). This scenario has been repeated several times over the years, with multiple banks forgiving (i.e., written off as bad debt) HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS in loans personally guaranteed by Donald J. Trump.*


* It would be interesting to know if Trump PAID TAXES the forgiven loans as is legally required as it is viewed as income.

Almost Washington State (WHN) April 10, 2024.  Despite Representative Taylor-Greene's fervor, Dr. Ander-Thal assertions are strongly supported by additional evidence.  Mr. Angel Gabriel, a caddie at the Trump Bedminster NJ Golf Course, turned in a scorecard on April 5 for one Gadreel Oroiael Daveithai. On the card, G.O.D.'s caddie scratched out a quadruple, quadruple, bogey on the 12th hole (located in the northwest corner of the club) arising from a slice well out of bound that landed, miraculously, (please pass the bread and fish) on the exact epicenter of the 4.8 quake at the exact time of the quake.... Per Mr. Gabriel, G.O.D. stated, "Damnation, I sliced it and missed Trump by 3 miles. That Bedminster is one devilish course.  Oh well, I guess I'll take a mulligan... just like Donald always does when he wins his golf trophies.  Look another hole in one, right Angel! That's my 12th one so far! I hope the aim of my eclipse on April 8 is bit better - I heard Donald is golfing that day." The caddie Angel's scorecard reported that Mr. G.O.D. played 18 holes and reported a course record of 18 (i.e.,18 hole-in-ones; 54 below par).  This record was, however, short-lived, as Mr. Trump played 18 holes on April 8 and scored a 16 (56 below par - via a first ever TRIPLE hole-in-one!).  While Trump's score was initially doubted by some golfers, the feat was witnessed by Representatives Greene, Boebert, and Stefanik (i.e., the Patio Babes of Mar-a-Lago). This miracle occurred when Trump's tee shot on the first hole was a hole-in-one that then proceed (after resting for 2 seconds in the cup) to fly out of the first hole into the respective cups of the second and third holes. Mr. Trump was reported to say, "Well, I guess that settles who is best... me or G.O.D. ... and it's ME!"  Still, some people (damn those Democrats) refuse to believe Mr. Trump's glorious victory over G.O.D. noting that he miraculous triple hole-in-one occurred during the near totality of the eclipse.

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene speaks to reporters (obviously liberal reporters based on the 'hell-fire') about the "New York City Quake" (April 5) and "Sun Swallowing" (April 8) of 2024. "God is pissed at blood-drinking Democrats, Judges, Mickey Mouse, and any others that dare to judge the 'Great Orange Jesus'." Ms. Taylor-Greene, while certain of her beliefs, is skeptical of the so-called 'science' regarding climate change, environmental pollution, and other Non-Christen science stating: "I mean who in their right mind believes the earth is older than about 6,000 years old!"   © 2024 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

NEW SUCKESSES? 'Sneakery' Trump Hawking Flag Draped Bibles for CA$H



Actual Quote






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TRUTH: Since DJT was listed on the NYSE on March 26, 2024 it has DECREASED by >50% in value from it's market high. Most serious economists expect DJT to become a penny stock or trade in the $1-2 range based on it's (lack of) earnings, cost of operations, and very small user base.