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Satire Since 1993

Evolution vs Extinction

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Despite the histrionics of the Democrats in Congress, House and Senate Republicans are confused by the wild claims that the nations capital was attacked by Trump supporters on January 6, 2021. A highly befuddled Representative Andrew Clyde (R-GA) stated, "It was a normal tourist visit....". Investigations by WHN Reporter Ned Ander-Thal found that the Mr. Clyde's confusion was understandable as his "constituents tend to smear feces wherever they go...."  World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.

Almost Washington State (WHN) July 30, 2021. House and Senate Republicans are in a state of shock following the illogical decision by Nancy Pelosi to pursue a House Investigation (following rejection of a bilateral commission by Senate Republicans) into the "tourists" observed at the Capital Building on January 6, 2021. Representative Andrew Clyde (R-GA) was outraged that these visitors to the seat of American democracy were being persecuted, stating "It was JUST a normal tourist visit. Why in my state, my constituents smear feces wherever they go... it's a sign of respect." Rep Matt Gaetz (R-FL), while admitting to some illegal behavior on the part of a FEW 'tourists' celebrating American democracy, this violence was a "false flag hoax that was actually carried out by antifa... or orchestrated by the F.B.I..... maybe by Hillary...".

Mr. Trump's supporters clearly agree. According to Mr. Hank 'Big Bubba' Schmidt of Whacko, Texas [EDITOR: 'Bubba' is currently incarcerated pending trial by the U.S. Justice Department for his participation in the January 6 Tourism event], "It tern't nothing but a fine picnic we had... why that Nancy Pelosi left us donuts and hot coffee in her office... or at least they was there once those demy-crats fled the office. Warn't no rebellion, we was just makin' sure that Big Donny Trump was to stay President.... no matter what.... We clearly has seen the election fraud... why there was college folks votin', black folks votin', brown folks votin'.... ain't none of those people suppose to vote accordin' to God!  Anyway, Mike Lindell and the REAL President says he'll be back in the White House in August and I believe him.  I know this has gotta be the case cuz' I been sending him ALL my money for the last 6 months. I hope they don't repossess my single wide trailer, ATV or my beer refrigerator before then...."*

* NOTE: The Former President currently has more than $100,000,000 in his campaign 'slush' fund that was raised primarily from small donors...He can spend this money almost any way he pleases....

Big Bubba is not alone in his beliefs, as ~85% of the House and Senate Republicans publicly support Mr. Trump and denounce as FALSE the rumors being circulated by their 'weak-kneed' Democratic colleagues that January 6 event was an attempted insurrection/coup designed to circumvent the formal vote certifying Mr. Biden's election.  Several House Republicans have stated that "You can't circumvent an ILLEGAL election".

Mr. Trump, when asked by WHN Political Reporter Ned Ander-Thal about the ongoing Congressional hearings, agreed with 'his' House Republicans and was adamant the the crowd on January 6 was peaceful. “These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously & viciously stripped away from great patriots who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long. Go home with love & in peace. Remember this day forever!” However, Mr. Trump made clear that he thought there was illegal activity on January 6 regarding the death of "tourist" Ashli Babbitt, "Who is the person who shot an innocent, wonderful, incredible woman — a military woman — right in the head [EDITOR: she was shot in the torso], and there’s no repercussions. If that were on the other side, it would be the biggest story in this country. Who shot Ashli Babbitt?”

According to several people close to Mr. Trump, the result of the 2020 Presidential Election is a clear sign that American Democracy needs to evolve.... "or we Republicans will go extinct". The established, and cherished, manta of following the VOTE OF THE PEOPLE can no longer be tolerated.  Indeed, because of the risk that 'people' posed to his re-election, President Trump demanded that Acting Department of Justice Attorney General Rosen to "Just say the election was corrupt and leave the rest to me and the Republican Congressmen." Under this scenario, Mr. Trump would have remained President. [EDITOR'S NOTE: see explanation in box below].

July 31, 2021   •   Issue 153


"Why Are Democrats Persecuting Innocent Tourists?"

TRUMP: Ashli Babbitt Was a Victim, Not A Perp-e-traitor!

Society News


The exiled Royal Bastard of Albania and his Consort recently celebrated the 30th anniversary of their Royal union.  The Royal Bastard meet the Princess of Berkeley, the future Queen of Albania, while on an official state visit (he had travelled from 'Mini-Soda') to the Duchy of Oakland. Following a fairytale courtship (i.e., he told lots of lies) and a formal state (marriage license and all!) wedding in 1991, The Bastard*, against the wishes of all the Duchy of Oakland, abducted, er, swept, the new Queen off to Albania in 1993.

However, in 2001 the citizens of Albania, at the instigation of nefarious foreigners [some located in CANADA!], revolted against the kind and benevolent rule of The Royal Bastard ("Hey, I let them keep 5% of what they earned, what more could they want!" cried The Bastard) forcing the Royal Couple to flee across the border to Canada.

While the Royal Couple has enjoyed their 20 years of exile in Canada, rumors persist the The Bastard is plotting his return to the Albanian Throne, "A country without a King or Queen is not a country. Canada has Queen Elisabeth, America had King Trump and Albania needs the Royal Bastard." The Queen however has stated that she has no intention of returning to Albania... "The Bastard be damned"....

*The Bastard: the title coined by, and most commonly used by, the Queen when referring to His Royal Highness.


Human Extinction

WAS Preventable


Inter-Planetary Journal Of Evolution.

Volume 2.28 x 1018; pgs. 2019-2022. Stardate 1312.4


GORG holds an M.D. (Man Destroyer) from the University of Alpha Centauri while ZOK earned a Ph.D. (Phlanetary Destruction) from Romulan University.  Both have worked in multiple galaxies studying primitive life forms. GORG was awarded the Plutonium Scalpel (shown) for his work on/in humans. ZOK was previously awarded the Supernova Award for his destruction of the planet Vulcan.


Under the Constitution, the House of Representatives will elect the President in case of a tie in the Electoral College; or according to Trump, in the case of an 'illegal election'. However,  election by the House of Representatives is done by STATE, not by Representative, and REPUBLICANS control more States; hence, Trump would have been/will be President.

George Washington ordered mandatory smallpox inoculations of his troops during the Revolutionary War. The first mandatory quarantine ordered within the U.S., under the Constitution, was also under Washington (near the end of his first term) in response to an epidemic of yellow fever in Philadelphia.

Since then, there have been many mandatory inoculations, quarantines and vaccinations in the United States. These programs have been declared constitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court as citizens have a right to make choices about their own lives, but they do not have the right to make choices that endanger others or create a general public health risk. Mandatory quarantine can be imposed in some situations.

Biologist Edward O. Wilson

"We're the ones that can destroy the world. No other single species ever had anything like that power. And we also have the knowledge to avoid doing it.

It's sort of a race to the finish line that we will develop the intelligence and the policies and the decency to bring it to a halt not just for life itself but for future generations before the juggernaut takes us over."

WHN EXCLUSIVE: His Royal Highness and Queen relaxing at home. World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.

ABSTRACT: The human animal (Homo sapiens stupidious) of Planet X-7DBCR (Planet III of Galaxy 9.23.788.612.4; locally known as 'EARTH') was among the most abundant large mammals observed until recently.  This animal was characterized by both advanced (e.g., BBC, CNN, Washington Post) and, the more predominant, inferior (e.g., Fox, Newsmax and FaceBook) forms of communication; superior 'nest' building skills (e.g., Paris, New York, Beijing, Tokyo* and Albania); and extensive scientific knowledge of their own biology. Recently, a small snippet double stranded RNA (i.e., a form of planetary biological, non-digital, coding information; virus) appeared and began to infect the human animal. However, a subspecies of wily humans, Homo smartus scientifica, created a vaccine capable of preventing both serious illness and death from the RNA virus package. Strangely, a significant population of humanoids suffered from a highly contagious ignorami conspiritorius virus spread by the low fidelity information systems and refused the vaccine. The unvaccinated animals continued to function as before and drove the worldwide pandemic until a new variant of the original virus evolved that exhibited resistance to all vaccines. Thus, even vaccinated people became infected which produced additional variants that ultimately resulted in a 95% mortality rate in all humans. Detailed analysis of the evolution of the pandemic, demonstrates the the extinction of humans could have been prevented in its early stages (2020-2022 local solar years). Our analysis determined that all that they had to do was to be vaccinated and wear a mask early in the pandemic. The failure to do these exceedingly simple task appears to have been rooted in the politically encoded stupidity of Homo sapiens stupidious. Potential recolonization of the planet with a more intelligent native creatures from our galactic inventory is underway; lead candidates include:  Dodos, Tasmanian Devils, and Passenger Pigeons.

* It must be noted that Tokyo was repeatedly destroyed by a large earth reptile of the genus Godzilla... and, most recently, by the 2020 Olympics...


Bird Brains Flock Together To Plot VICTORY!

i.e., California's 39.5 Million  = Wyoming's 0.6 Million Citizens

[Real quotes in BOLD...]

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