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Satire Since 1993

Exclusive to the

World Headline News

March 25, 2020   •   Issue 127

The Perfect STORM Response


The WHN calls on Ivanka to assist Dr. Pence on the front lines:

"Please sedate Daddy NOW..."

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Moscow Mitch and Leningrad Lindsey support Trump's coronavirus response. "We don't know how, or frankly why, he does what he does, but we support him at all times - no matter what. I sure hope he's bringing us those beers.... we can only continue to do this if we're drunk. That Covfefe-19 is one potent brew... but it does makes us do some really stupid things...." Photo: World Headline News © 2020 Ned Ander-Thal.


"I wonder if Trump knows that he has the right to remain silent even if he is not being arrested..."

Ned Ander-Thal

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Mr. Trump's conversion from virus sceptic to virus chuamp completed. Demands airports reopen for 'donation' collections. Photo: World Headline News © 2020 Ned Ander-Thal.


1. Corona Virus Test:     Negative

2. Leadership Test:        False Positive

3. Empathy Test:            Negative

4. Veracity Test:             False Positive

5. IQ Test:                      Positively False

6. Inflammation:             False Negative*

Despite the health report, Mr Trump announced that, out of an abundance of caution, his TAX RETURNS will remain in quarantine.

* Other test indicate severe

Inflammatory rhetoric

SAD BUT TRUE: How to Start A Fire...

In 2018, the Trump Administration refused to allocate money to the CDC epidemic prevention program that had activities in 39 countries, including China. This program was started during the 2014 Ebola outbreak.  The former CDC Director D. Tom Frieden warned at the time that this move would significantly increase the chance an epidemic would spread beyond the point of containment.

A Pictorial History Of Trump's Conversion From Covid-19 "Naysayer"

to "Wartime Leader"

Dear Subscribers and Innocent Victims:

To quote the great Nobel Laureate (2016 Nobel Prize in Literature) Bob Dylan, "The times they are a-changin". As the staff of the World Headline News hunkers down in our secluded BIO-BUNKER, humor is sometimes hard to muster. We hope that you all are safe and have an abundant supply of the most important thing of all, love of family, er, toilet paper... and Twinkies... and, well, EVEN MORE toilet paper because Twinkies make you...   ..... use toilet paper....  Keep Well and stay the hell away from me - by at least 6 feet!

Ned Ander-Thal, Editor and Founder

March 16, 2020.  When asked at a White House press briefing by a reporter how he would rate his response to the pandemic, Trump responded:

“I’d rate it

a 10.”

Trump, asked by a reporter whether he took responsibility for disbanding the office of pandemics, Trump called it "a nasty question" (it wasn't) before adding: "When you say 'me,' I didn't do it. We have a group of people [in the administration]. But I could perhaps ask Tony about that, because I don't know anything about it."

"Tony" is Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, who had NO ROLE in shutting the office... Just looking for a scapegoat...

Following Close Contact With Covid-19 Positive Individuals,

White House Releases Trump's Medical Report To Soothe Nation

"'Scruples' sound like a disease - I'm glad that I've tested 'scruples-free!"

March 24, 2020. Trump: “I would love to have the country opened up, and just raring to go, by Easter. I think it’s possible, why not?” he stated with a shrug.


The Viral Conversion of Donald J. Trump

REAL Quotes

REAL Quote

REAL Quote

REAL Quote

I always suspected Trump used TINDER

REAL Quote

"Ain't no money in piety.."