The World Headline News

Use the PULLDOWN INDEX below to navigate pages:

• Colorado Springs  

•  Gunnison  

•  Dakoro  

•  Minneapolis  

•  Oakland  

•  Paris  

•  Albany  

•  Vancouver

Satire Since 1993

Election Judicial Watch... prepare the orange jumpsuit!

Republican Race For Presidential Nomination Heating Up

August 2, 2023   •   Issue 176

Exclusive to the

World Headline News

Despite Growing Abundance of Republican Candidates,

A TWO PERSON (or Less) Race Appears Inevitable......

Almost Washington State (WHN) August 2, 2023. As the race for the Republican nomination for the Presidency heats up, an abundance of candidates have thrown their hat into the the ring. However, polling of likely Republican voters has shown that most candidates score in the low single digits (1-5%). Of the candidates, only former President Trump and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis score with the MAGA 'faithful" (i.e., likely primary voters).

Election of Either Trump or DeSantis Bodes Ill for American Democracy

Pro-Trump podcaster Jesse Kelly, a frequent guest of former Fox News host Tucker Carlson, declared in an alarming tweet. “Let me tell you all an uncomfortable truth: This country [the United States] needs a dictator.” Kelly with nearly 640,000 followers, and Carlson with 7.7 million followers, pushed the narrative that 'only a Conservative Dictator could solve America's many problems' (some real, but most imaginary). According to the far right, "liberals" have no place in governance or, per DeSantis, business.

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Proposed Republican primary ballot. Voters are asked to select DeSantis or Trump and WHY? The "WHY" (MORE or LESS Dangerous) will inform the Republican National Committee (RNC) as to how extreme the party platform should be in 2024. © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Other Candidates

The GQP Race Begins...

U.S. Department of Justice, New York and Georgia

INDICTS tRUMP (x2, x3, x?)

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Using photographic evidence obtained from the World Headline News, Mr. tRump lays out his defense: "Melania packed 'Top Secret' documents instead of my 100% tRump International cotton towels! That's how the files ended up in my bathroom. You know, she's not too bright but she tries to 'Be Best'." © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

More (tRUMP) LEGAL News

* Technically in a U.S. Civil Trial, It is

"Finds for the Plaintiff"


Almost Washington State (WHN) August 2, 2023. Nothing seems to move slower than the U.S. Court System (except the WHN publishing schedule) just ask E. Jean Carroll. In June, 2019 Ms. Carroll published an article claiming that Donald Trump had sexually assaulted her in 1995/96 in the Bergdorf Goodman department store in New York City. Mr. Trump denied the allegations; claiming in fact, that he had never met Ms. Carroll and "she wasn't my type" as well as a few other less than complimentary words.Following a civil trial (hence, financial penalties only) in New York State, the jury found Mr. tRump guilty of sexual assault and awarded Ms. Carroll $5,000,000 - an award likely to be increased due to Mr. tRUMP CONTINUED ATTACKS on Ms. Carroll.

But the march of justice was not yet done, on August 1, 2023, the United States v. Donald J. Trump was filed in Washington D.C.  in relation to the January 6, 2021 Capital Insurrection (or, per the GQP, Capital Sightseeing Excursion) and Mr. tRump's willful obstruction of the peaceful transfer of the presidency.

The multiple cases mark the first ever federal criminal indictment ever of a former U.S. President ...

... not to mention the first ever multiple existing and pending state criminal charges against a former President.

tRump's Lawyers BEG for Obstruction Relief!

Please Obstruct tRump

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Practice for Federal Charges? In preparation for his pending Federal (Florida and Washington D.C.) and State (New York and Georgia) trials, Mr. tRump has been trying on designer attire suitable for his non-White House federal housing. Per Mr. tRump, "Hey, I kinda thought the White House was a dump, but I've heard good things about the gym facilities and golf course at the federal facility that I'll be elected to (by 12 citizens)." © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Is The 2024 Vote "RIGGED" For Democrats? (THANKS COVID!)

      NBC Follows Up Our

January 17, 2022  •  Issue 161

Exclusive Report

On Sunday’s (July 30, 2023) Meet The Press, NBC’s Chuck Todd gave an insightful breakdown of a new study that found Covid-19 deaths among Republicans were a whopping 43% higher than Democrats after the release of the vaccines — a statistic that could directly impact the 2024 presidential election [as ORIGINALLY discussed in January 2022 in the pages of the WHN].

Mr. Todd cited a study that appeared in the Journal of the American Medical Association that “revealed what many had suspected: Republicans who lagged behind in accepting the efficacy of the Covid vaccine paid a steeper price.”

Per Mr. Todd, and as foreshadowed by the WHN's report (see right), “Researchers at Yale examined 538,000 deaths in people 25 and older in Florida and Ohio from April 2020 to December 2021, and they found that the excess death rate — deaths that go beyond what was normally found than what was normally expected — was 15 percent higher for Republicans than for Democrats [before vaccine availability due to anti-mask sentiments by Republicans]. After the vaccine became available in 2021 to a majority of the population, the death rate among Republicans was 43% higher."

Almost Washington State (WHN) August 2, 2023. In a surprise move, the attorneys of former President Donald J. tRump have pleaded with the judges in Mr. tRump federal and state court cases to "Please impose the active obstruction of Mr. tRump's mouth.... we have the duct tape with us!".

When queried about this unusual request by WHN Court Reporter Ned Ander-Thal, Mr. tRump's lawyers whispered, "He is the client from hell! He ADMITS to his crimes on camera, at rallies, and in depositions. The ONLY way we can feign innocence is if we tape his mouth shut!"

Unsurprisingly, the US, NY State and Georgia, Department of Justices have opposed the tRump lawyers requests.

These numbers may actually matter in the 2024 election. As noted in the WHN's original report, Arizona was decided by just over 10,000 votes; Georgia, just under 12,000 votes; Wisconsin, just over 21,000 votes and Nevada, at 33,000 votes. Importantly, the Covid post-vaccine mortality status of these states look very similar to what the Journal of American Medical Association found. In the Trump counties, 35 percent higher Covid mortality than the Biden counties in Arizona. Same story in Georgia, 50 percent to 41 percent. Same story in Wisconsin, 30 percent to 25 percent. In a close election, a lot of factors could impact the election outcome in 2024.


"Flies for Pence"

"I've Got The Trump 'Steaks!'"

Background Players

Almost Washington State (WHN) August 2, 2023. United States of America v. Donald J. Trump (and his 'body man' Walt Nauta) was filed in Florida on June 8, 2023. The first indictment encompasses 37 felony counts against Mt. tRump related to his "alleged" mishandling of classified documents after his presidency. Thirty-one of the counts fall under the Espionage Act, and other charges include "making false statements" and "engaging in a conspiracy to obstruct justice".