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Satire Since 1993

Exclusive to the

World Headline News

02022020   •   The Day of the Palindrome   •   Issue 125

It's Legal If Trump Does It!

Republican Senators Declares Tяump The IMPERIL-ial President

"Everything HE Did Is Legal Simply Because HE Did It"

"My definition of an 'idiot' is anyone who doesn’t agree with me....

The world is full of idiots..."

White House Declares The President Is Aware of The 'Gravity' of His Position

Provides Evidence of Trump's Gravity...

Almost Washington State (WHN) February 19, 2020. I am the State and the State is me Defense:  Trump's defense lawyer Alan Dershowitz successfully argued to the Republican Senators that the commonly held belief that the President is not above the law is factually incorrect stating that Presidential “abuse of power” could not be considered an impeachable offense under the Constitution: “If a President does something which he believes will help him get elected  is in the public interest, that cannot be the kind of quid pro quo that results in impeachment.”  

ACTUAL DERSHOWITZ QUOTE: If a president does something which he believes will help him get elected in the public interest, that cannot be the kind of quid pro quo that results in impeachment... The only thing that would make a quid pro quo unlawful is if the the quo were in anyway illegal...

Almost Washington State (WHN) February 19, 2020. The U.S. Department of the Interior proudly announced that the formerly very obese polar bear population has experienced dramatic weight reductions consequent to policies implemented by the Trump Administration.  Secretary Bernhardt stated, "In conjunction with our corporate partner the Nome, Alaska chapter of Weight Watchers, we are please to announced that polar bears are now thinner - and, as we all know thanks to Melania Trump, thinner is always healthier!"  

Inception of this program began in 2016 when Mr. Trump stated he wanted to make wildlife preservation "sexy".  According to Mr. Trump, "Melania told me that ALL the top models strive for the anorexic look.  So to have a model environment it only make sense to strive for the same look in our wildlife! It makes them much more photogenic. I scientifically demonstrated this with my 'Miss Universe' and 'Miss America' beauty pageants.  Sexy sells and I personally plan to visit Alaska and check out these sexy bears.... their claws can't be any sharper than some of the past 'Miss Universe' contestants or 'Stormy'!"

(See the real and disturbing polar bear science at:

Due to unanticipated 'novel virus' issues, actually published on February 19, 2020

Democracy on the edge?

"Cliff? What Cliff...."

Moscow Mitch Successfully Avoids Collision With Justice

Click to See The Official White House Portrait of His Highness King Trump

Almost Washington State (WHN) February 19, 2020. Following his knockout victory in the Senate ring, Mr. Trump crowed, "I've got that 'mean right'. As I like to tell'em, punch hard, punch often, and punch, or grab-'em, below the belt. That's why I am the 'KING'!"  

In honor of his quick Senate victory, noted con-artist Sean Hannity unveiled a new portrait of the heavyweight American champ. A very proud and beaming Mr. Trump posed in his fighting gear for the World Headline News in front of Mr. Hannity's portrait. An ecstatic Mr. Trump proclaimed, "It's perfect... just like my phone call!  As you can see the artist has captured me perfectly showing that I'm in perfect fighting shape for 2020!" The Trump 2020 Campaign has announced that Mr. Hannity's 'true to life' portrait will be the official 2020 campaign poster. Kellyanne Conway, accompanying the King, er, President, stated, "Ooh, I'm swooning! The likeness is so amazing! Not anything like my husband George."

or was that 'gravy'

Senator 'Moscow' Mitch McConnell, the unbiased jury foreman, stated: "Wow, how insightful and true!  I mean, Mr. Trump truly believes that his re-election is in the 'public interest' hence his blatant solicitation of foreign meddling in the 2016 and 2020 elections  can't legally be viewed as an impeachable offense because he did it for himself, his election... I mean, Trump is the United States and the United States is Trump. The G.O.P. must be on the right side of history."

Per the findings of 52 Republican Senators, "TRUMP=AMERICA" prevailed leading the Republican majority to declare Mr. Trump not only "Acquitted" but also "unjustly persecuted requiring amends by America."  Thus, by a similar vote of 52-58, Mr. Trump has been declared the King of America. "Long Live King Trump! "

"... and then King Don Jr.

    ....and then Queen Ivanka

        ....and then King Barron"

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Vlad M.R. Poutine: "Mitch, you've done a great job, but don't let him have as much power as I do!." Photo: © 2020 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Heavyweight Chuamp Trump Begins 2020 VICTORY TOUR

- Part 1 - Will Part 2 Be In November?


U.S. Secretary of the Interior

David Bernhardt Announces

"TOTAL POLAR (opposite of) SUCCESS"

Almost Washington State (WHN) February 19, 2020. Despite Mr. Trump's unequivocal (per White House) vindication of his 'perfect phone call', the Trump Administration wants to let the American public know that Mr. Trump understands the serious gravity of the Office of the President. "We want people to know that the President is the most grounded President since 1913.  Moreover, he is doing everything possible to stay well-grounded."

To assure the public of Mr. Trump's 'gravity', the Trump 2020 campaign, in partnership with Dunkin' Donuts, has created  Gravity Helper Donuts and bought billboard space throughout America to make the public aware of Mr. Trump's 'gravity' and how they too can enhance their own personal gravity. Per Donald Trump Jr, these adds are targeted to Mr. Trump's core supporters,  "Indeed, to feed the tastes of my father's supporters, Dad personally created the gravity boosting "Red Meat Flavor" donut in the White House kitchen.  They are almost as good as the powdered white donuts.... Dad's also thinking of introducing one of his other favorite foods... GRAVY.  Dad was born to the gravy train.  mmmm, gravy covered donuts... mmmm."  Strangely, according to a transcript obtained by the WHN of a secret call between Mr. Trump and a potential gravy source, a Mr. Vlad M.R. Poutine of 'Canada', Federal funding from the Department of Interior (via a National Emergency proclamation) was used to create "Gravity Helper Donuts".  White House sources state this was done in order to appropriately 'counter-balance' the highly successful Anti-Obesity Polar Bear Program. [see SCIENCE story below].

WHN EXCLUSIVE: President Trump poses for the World Headline News. Photo Ned Ander-Thal © 2020.

Sorry Eric & Tiffany