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Satire Since 1993

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World Headline News

May 1, 2020   •   Issue 130

Trump's Magical Cure-Alls

Dr. tRUMP To The

?? "RESCUE" ??

MAGA Remade



Gasp in



If only the protesters were at risk, the WHN might be supportive - the fewer of these alt-right nut jobs the better.  However,  by carelessly exposing themselves, these protesters also place others at risk, especially the elderly, health care workers and individuals who are immunocompromised. Scientific evidence suggests that, on average, each COVID-19 patient infects at least 3 others... 


“A friend helps you move. A true friend helps you move bodies.”


The more successful mitigation is now, the bigger the 'second wave' will be. WHY?

Because, 'some' people will confuse mitigation success with, "Oh, the viruses really isn't that bad, the liberals panicked.... Just look, a lot fewer people died than they claimed would happen..."

Public health is among the most difficult government actions

-- when actions work they can seem like overreactions.

Ned's Coronavirus Journal

"It feels more like living at work, than working from home..."

Ned Ander-Thal

"You don’t have to vaccinate ALL your kids, just the ones you want to keep."

"Isopropyl alcohol IVs, cures everything, I mean, what do we have to lose?"

Almost Washington State (WHN) May 1, 2020. In a broad ranging recent interview on Thursday (April 23), the renowned physician Dr. Donald Trump stated: “I see disinfectant, where it knocks [coronavirus] out in a minute—one minute—and is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside, or almost a cleaning, because you see it gets in the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it’d be interesting to check that. So you’re going to have to use medical doctors, but it sounds interesting to me.”......"Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't work.”.... "what do you have to lose?"   “No, I don’t take responsibility at all."

WHN EXCLUSIVE: "Ok, so hydroxychloroquine didn't work out all that well, but only because you scientist insisted on actually challenging my edict.... But, I tell you Fauci, this one is a real game changer. I personally guarantee to the American public if you drink this stuff, you will NEVER get Coronavirus! Hey, should you be drinking on the job?"  World Headline News © 2020 Ned Ander-Thal.

The Real Quotes Of Dr. Donny

"The virus is not so serious, so we need to reopen the economy!"

"The virus is so serious we need to close the borders!"

WHN EXCLUSIVE: As the COVID-19 pandemic spreads throughout the United States, White House sources report that Mr. Trump has become fixated on his next career move. According to anonymous sources within the West Wing, Mr. Trump has been observed pacing angrily stating, "Tiger King, my ass, he may have great Netflix ratings, but they ain't nothin' like my COVID-19 ratings.... But we could have some bombshell ratings if Netflix buys my idea of "The Tiger King Meets The Lyin' King" but he's in jail... how to solve that problem...."  Representative Pelosi and Senator Schumer have 'offered' to help solve the problem.  World Headline News © 2020 Ned Ander-Thal.

??? Other Quotes by Dr. Donny ???

!Great Deals!


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Polls Indicate Majority of Public Disapprove of Administration's Response to COVID-19


Starts Working on Plan B


Dr. Donny's