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Satire Since 1993

Exclusive to the World Headline News

January 19, 2021   •   Issue 148

Impeachment 2021

"My best friend Vlad M.R. Poutine, a mysterious French-Canadian, agreed to meet with me in a neutral third country - you know because the border is closed between the USA and Canada due to the COVID-hoax.. So we chose to meet in a little know country called Russia. It was great, he met me with a lovely bouquet of flowers and a 200 acre plot of land in downtown Moscow that he said I could build a new Trump Tower at his expense! Good news since Deutsch Bank has cut me off. All I had to do was spill the beans on all the secrets I learned as President. So Easy... most cause I didn't learn anything as president! But there is a downside, Moscow is cold in the winter. While I've got a great hat, my new designer duds are a bit skimpy in the mid section. On to the next option..."

Greatest Witch Hunt Ever - The Sequel

tRumps FINAL (?) Perfect Phone Call

"And there’s nothing wrong with saying, you know, um, that you’ve recalculated....   ....I just want [you] to find 11,780 votes."  “There’s no way I lost Georgia. There’s no way. We won by hundreds of thousands of votes.”

Almost Washington State (WHN) January 19, 2021. In an exclusive, WHN Political Reporter Ned Ander-Thal met with the, now former, President Trump as he prepared for the upcoming "Greatest Witch Hunt Ever - The Sequel" Senate trial.  Freed from the constraints of office, Mr. Trump was very relaxed and casually attired: "Now that I'm freed from the burdens of office, I still plan to be involved in politics. In fact, I plan to invade the Senate this January 6, err, late January, with my horde of lawyers so that I can defeat democracy once again! As you can imagine, as the Shaman of MAGA, I'm untouchable... though, just to be safe, I've also got my Flying Monkey and my devoted QAnon Shaman - who, it may surprise you, is now also my personal clothing and body art designer. It's great being FREE, at least for as long as that lasts. I finally get to show off my body art..see I have my signature 'Q', and my giant anchor.  I'm really proud of my NEW 'death head' nipple ring.... Melania gave that to me. My good friend Vlad M.R. Poutine gave me this neat hat - he said something like it gets cold in Siberia.... I think that is close to Mar-a-Lago...."

Almost Washington State (WHN) January 19, 2021. Despite the confidence of Mr. Trump with regards to his upcoming Senate trial ("Hey, the DemoRATS are actually going to let evidence be presented! How unfair, Mitch never allowed evidence the first time!") security officials in the Biden Administration are concerned that former President Trump may be a flight risk due to his current legal troubles in New York and, possibly, Washington D.C.

Indeed, the WHN has learned that several of Mr. Trump's favorite 'allies' have been approached by the former President in an effort to secure sanctuary in their countries. Mr. Trump has secretly begun to interview his prospective hosts with surreptitious visits [EDITOR: Hey, did you actually ever see him in Mar-a-Lago in December?!] to these foreign countries as documented by our exclusive photos. As shown, Mr. Trump was warmly received by these, his closest friends and role models, leaders. Surprisingly, Ned Ander-Thal was able to obtain Mr. Trump's synopsis of his meetings with these foreign leaders via Mike Lindell and the My Pillow® website (Promo code: treason).  

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Following the surprising, yet completely predictable, Trump inspired insurrection on January 6, 2021, a jubilant Donald Trump is captured celebrating his unique role in history: "Ain't nobody but me has been impeached twice! Take that Bill Clinton! Man it sure is great to be free... provided it lasts...."   World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.

Join Me At

The Capital!

Impeachment Query

Is tRump a Flight Risk?

Which Foreign Leaders Might Provide Safe Shelter?

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Mr. Trump and his defense team, attired in patriotic red white and blue, gaze into the Presidents crystal ball to foresee the prosecution threats posed by Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer.  World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.

"Dear Mentally Deranged Dotard"

We've got golf courses... and semi-legal torture...

January 6

...err, late January

Greatest Witch Hunt Ever - The Sequel

Per Senate sources, Mr. Trump's best defense is the truth, err, well, the alternative truth, and this truth is: "The insurrection was due to, well, NOT ME!"

The Trump Defense is being assisted by the stalwart efforts of Josh 'The Flying Monkey' Hawley and the 'all knowing' QAnon Shaman. Together they will show (imply, suggest, impugn) that 'NOT ME' was present at not only the January 6 insurrection but was also on the 2019 Ukraine phone call that led to Mr. Trump's first impeachment.  

Most shockingly, the defense plans to prove (imply, suggest, impugn) that 'NOT ME' is a member of ANTIFA! If this defense does not work, Mr. Trump has plans underway to relocate to a safe haven...

"I just love Kim Jung Un's whimsical pet names for me... I personally call him 'Rocket Man' because with my foreign policy decisions he made great advances in his rocket program. We've exchanged 'love letters' for the past four years and now he want me....  I've talked to him about some virgin beach front property and told him we could build some fantastic resorts in North Korea and I think he is onboard with this. In fact, he said he had heard some great things about the Gulag resorts of the Soviet Union, so we've tentatively decided to build Mar-a-Gulag... Melania says that Mar-a-Lago has been just like the Gulag when we've been there together."

"As much as I loved both Vlad's and Rocket Man's offers, they don't have year round golf. So I wanted to look at an option that allowed me to hit the bunkers, err, greens year round. My friend MBS, not sure what MBS stands for, I think it's Mankind's Best Sadist... Anyway, they have some world class golf courses there! BUT, here are the clinchers: 1) he will make me a Sheik, that's like President right?; 2) torture is semi-legal; and 3) it is always 'open season' of journalists! I clearly won't be bothered anymore by CNN. Oh, and Melania can work on her tan.

God, I love warm weather, golf, and torturing CNN reporters - hey, Jim Acosta, come for a visit."


Having Trouble Sleeping After The Events of January 6th and 20th?

Are you, like many Americans, having trouble sleeping since the unfortunate events of January 6th and January 20th? TRUE Americans everywhere are upset by the the November 'steal'* and the failure of our January 6th Insurrection and the subsequent illegitimate inauguration of Sleepy Joe Biden as the 46th President. As a result, many of you are suffering sleepless nights as you await the arrival of the FBI on your front steps. We at My Pillow® are here to help.  


As a special offer to my fellow 'PATRIOTS', you can save $20 on each standard My Pillow® that you order.  Simply use the Promo Code 'QAnon'. Of course, if you have trouble spelling, or the FBI is already at your door and you're short of time, 'q' also works.  For the extreme militants, we've got you covered. Stormtroopers simply need to enter 'storm' and we will personally goose-step your order to you whether you are at home or in a prison cell.

BUT HURRY! This is a LIMITED TIME OFFER and will end once President Trump declares Martial Law... or I am arrested by the FBI for fomenting insurrection or charging too much for cheap pillows.

* Fact checking by Mr. Trump's own former Attorney General William P. Barr dispute Mr. Lindell's comment.

December 1, 2020: "To date, we have not seen fraud on a scale that could have effected a different outcome in the election.”

January 7, 2021: “Orchestrating a mob to pressure Congress is inexcusable...  The President’s conduct yesterday was a betrayal of his office and supporters.”

to the Georgia Secretary of State

January 3, 2021

Election Tampering?

Mike Lindell

'Patriot' ??