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Satire Since 1993

Trump's Locker

Surrey (WHN)  In an FoxNews Exclusive, Mr. Bill O'Reilly was invited by Future President Trump to report on the historic First Cabinet Meeting live from the Executive Conference/Locker Room of the Mar-a-Lago Eastern White House.  In this meeting, the FIRST Executive Action of the Trump Administration was announced.  Surprising many observers, including our own WHN Political Reported Ned Ander-Thal, who had expected either the mass deportation of Democrats, err, Mexicans, err, ILLEGAL Aliens (Trump: "aren't they all the same?") or the construction of a Southern Border Wall (by the future deported ILLEGAL ALIENS) to be announced, the Future President instead announced it was 'Baseball Season'* (see bottom of page) for the Cabinet Members (Trump: "Hey, boys gotta be boys!").  

Caught on a live microphone after the FoxNews interview, Mr. Trump heard saying to the all male cabinet, "I want to see some 'Home Runs' or at least 'triples' from you guys.  If you 'strike out' you're gone, if you only make 'first base' you're gone.  If you score a 'double' you're a maybe - but only if they are 'big doubles' .  I only like winners and winners score 'home runs'.  I'm a winner - I've hit so many 'home runs' that Bill Clinton bows down to me.  I've accomplished this despite the stifling presence of three different 'Managers' (Ivana, 1977-1992; Marla, 1993-1999; and currently, but not lastly, Melania 2005-present).... ohh, I had some farm team exploits - mostly in military school; my god, the stories I'll tell you in the White House locker, err, conference, room - but its been mostly A-1 major league stuff.  Now go out there and grab life.... and those 'other' things!"    

"....and I type 12 words a minute...."

Exclusive to the World Headline News

Exclusive WHN Report:

The "Babe" Game - Baseball and Sex

Some readers may not understand the locker room analogies used by immature males (typically in the age range of 13-29; but as demonstrated by Mr. Trump this behavior can extend up to age 56 or 69...).  To educate these readers the WHN has searched the internet to find a definitive, 'family friendly', discourse on the subject.  The attached photo is the only 'family friendly' photo I could find to describe the baseball analogy....  Click on the baseball to READ more.....

The WHN has obtained from Hector Melendez, the towel boy 'previously' employed by Mr. Trump, this Exclusive Photo of Donald J. Trump addressing his future Cabinet Members in the Executive Conference/Locker Room of the Mar-a-Lago Eastern White House. While Fox News broke the story on television, only the WHN has the photos of the meeting.  Thanks Hector, and best of luck in Mexicali.  It was awfully nice of Mr. Trump to put you on the bus with your wife and 3 kids (who were born in the USA) for the long drive back home.... Are you going to work on 'The Wall'?

Mr. Trump was quick to point out that his cabinet will not be an 'all boys' club and that girls, err, women will be welcome.  Indeed, Former Alaska Governor, and Vice Presidential Candidate, Sarah Palin has been approached to be a Secretary.  Mr. Trump was particularly enthusiastic about her previous role as a VICE Presidential candidate saying, "She should be able to bring some great assets to the table.... the massage table, ha ha.  I'm being sarcastic folks.  Everybody knows that I think women are great as long as they are not fat pigs, dogs, or slobs."  When contacted, Ms. Palin would only say, "Sob, they only want me for my typing skills.  Some secretary I'll be, all I can type is 12 words a minute and those 12 words are always the same: 'I am a maverick with a loaded gun now back off McCain'.

Mr. Trump has responded to Ms. Clinton's criticisms of his Executive Order #1 citing the (Bill) Clinton precedent of 1986:  "I was at the Arkansas White House and had a great time.  The country was happy and prosperous and I was happy and prosperous.  I want to make America Great Again and Bill is my role model.  Too bad he is stuck with that ugly blob Hillary.  Me, I change models every few years. "  Hillary, who was never invited to the Arkansas White House has remained mum on this point.  Mr. Clinton when asked about Mr. Trump's comments went glassy eyed, smiled and simply uttered, "aaaahhhhh".

Donald J. Trump Presents:

Executive Order #1

To Future Cabinet

October 8, 2016

The Arkansas White House 1986

LATE BREAKING NEWS:  What do the Trump Girls Know?

October 8, 2016   •   Issue 82