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Satire Since 1993

The Boys Club #MAGA

Almost Washington State (WHN)   According to a recent White House press release (i.e., tweet) a lot of Americans are weenies, if fact, almost 50% are.  But AMERICAN weenies are under attack according to President Donald J. Trump.  Tweeting "Boys have got to be boys" a very manly Donald J. Trump gave a carousing endorsement of Former Judge Roy Moore to be Alabama's next Senator. "Since the time of cavemen, that was what, like 40-50 years ago, men have always been free 'to do what men gotta do'.  But now, because of 'things' like that Hillary and Pocahontas (Editor: Senator Elisabeth Warren of Massachusetts), we men are under attack. So today, in addition to endorsing 'Big Roy', I am announcing the "The Decade of Man".  According to White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, "The Decade of Man is schedule to run from January 2017 to at least November 3, 2020.... providing there are no interruptions caused by Special Counsel Robert Mueller."

December 6, 2017   •   Issue 98

DJT: Boys Will MUST Be Boys



Trumps Mission Du Jour for MANkind

Exclusive to the World Headline News

Exclusive WHN Report:

2013 Miss Universe Pageant, Moscow, Russia.  A glowing Donald J. Trump accosts, er, interacts with the contestants.  Contestants universally proclaim that Mr. Trump encouraged modesty (family values), "Every time he came into the girls dressing room, every nude girl scrambled to get clothes on!"

Photo Credit:  Ned Ander-Thal

2017 Washington D.C. Players Club:  A males only fraternal organization, the club boasts a number of high profile members.  Shown from left to right are current and future members of the EXecutive Council:  Harvey Weinstein, EX movie producer; Bill O'Reilly, EX conservative pundit; Donald J. Trump, EX President of the United States; Roy Moore, EX Judge and future EX Senator; and Al Franken, EX comedian and EX Senator.  A glowing Donald J. Trump congratulates his fellow members at the Mar-a-Lago photo studio annex located in the bowels of the Palm Beach Police Station. Photo Credit:  Ned Ander-Thal

2005 Access Hollywood "bust" tour.  Unknown to all but a few insiders, the 2005 tour was was sponsored by the American Humane Society and focused on re-homing 'kitties'.  Mr. Trump, a noted humanitarian instituted the tour.  Shown is Mr. Trump as he tries to grab some wayward pussies who had escaped the bus.

Photo Credit:  Ned Ander-Thal

October, 2016.  Donald J. Trump addresses his future Cabinet Members in the Executive Conference/Locker Room of the Mar-a-Lago Eastern White House. While Fox News broke the story on television, only the WHN had the photos of the meeting. See original Story.

Photo Credit:  Ned Ander-Thal

Washington D.C. Players Club - EXecutive Council

Using the twitter handle #MAGA (Men Are Great Again) Mr. Trump wants to show that all GREAT LEADERS are also men and GREAT MEN "who have needs and urges".  To accomplish this admirable goal, Mr. Trump has, with the assistance of the Washington D.C. Metro Police Vice Squad, 'lined up' a number of GREAT MEN:  Harvey Weinstein, Bill O'Reilly, Roy Moore, Al Franken and, of course, Mr. Trump himself.  Meeting at he Washington D.C. Player Club (located in the wonderful Trump International Hotel Washington, D.C.), the EXecutive Council of #MAGA has initiated a nation-wide advertising campaign by featuring the President himself. [Disclaimer: #MAGA has contracted with The Word Headline News to document the campaign]  

The choice of Mr. Trump was not without controversy. Mr. Weinstein repeatedly whined "Mine is bigger and has been seen 'in action' by more women, er, people - and, being from Hollywood, it's not camera shy."  Bill O'Reilly countered, "Mine has resulted in far more 'trickle down' (Editor:  there are medical treatments for that now) economics than any of the rest of you - just ask FOX, they've paid out millions!"  Roy Moore, a newcomer to the Washington D.C. scene hollered, "Yea, but how many of you have been banned from the Mall and Girl Scout and Brownie (Editor:  Girl Guides for our Canadian Readers) meetings?"  In contrast to the others, a sullen and subdued Mr. Franken was only heard to mutter, "I'm very sorry, I'm short and sometimes my hands go to the 'wrong place' on a tall girl."  Senator Franken's comment clearly confused the other EXecutive Council members, who, in virtual unison, shouted "There is no WRONG place. MAN you better get new glasses and some bigger ['spherical objects' used in baseball]!"  The Donald further clarified things by stating "Women, you have to treat'em like shit."*  Ultimately though, all members of the council eventually had to admit that, on the World, nay Universe (see 2013 photo), Stage, there is no bigger 'weenie' than Mr. Trump himself.  Mr. Trump graciously accepted the HONOR of being the inaugural "pin-up" and provided the World Headline News (Official  Organ of #MAGA) with a collection of his "suitable" photos illustrating his 'manhood'.

In October 2016 The WHN reported on Mr. Trump 'arousing' perp, er, pep, talk to his, at that time, all male cabinet nominees: "I want to see some 'Home Runs' or at least 'triples' from you guys.  If you 'strike out' you're gone, if you only make 'first base' you're gone.  If you score a 'double' you're a maybe - but only if they are 'BIG doubles' .  I only like winners and winners score 'home runs'.  I'm a winner - I've hit so many 'home runs' that Bill Clinton bows down to me.  I've accomplished this despite the stifling presence of three different 'Managers' (Ivana, 1977-1992; Marla, 1993-1999; and currently, but NOT lastly, Melania 2005-present).... ohh, I had some farm team exploits - mostly in military school; my god, the stories I'll tell you in the White House locker, err, conference, room - but its been mostly A-1 major league stuff.  Now go out there and grab life.... and those 'other' things!"   #MAGA

But Mr. Trump is not just a "Local" inspiration. Perhaps his biggest claim to manliness has been his ownership of women - and by that the WHN means the Miss Teen USA Beauty Pageant and the Miss Universe Pageant.  Mr. Trump shared with #MAGA one of his favorite photos. "In 2013 Moscow hosted the Miss Universe Pageant and it was GREAT.  Those Ruskies really knows how to show hospitality.  I love all my pageants. In fact I am soooo comfortable at them that I just love to wander through all the back rooms where the girls 'hangout' between the evening gowns and swimsuit segments of the show.  Me and my French-Canadian buddy, and fellow Judge, Vlad M.R. Poutine really had a ball.. He was so impressive I awarded him the inaugural Il Trumpe Medal of Valor.  I just hope that he doesn't share any of those photos.... but let's just say it was rewarding..."

In 2005, Mr. Trump explained to former radio, now Sirius, talking head Howard Stern that his attention to details was crucial for the integrity and quality of the pageant. “Before a show, I’ll go backstage and everyone’s getting dressed, and everything else, and you know, no men are anywhere, and I’m allowed to go in because I’m the owner of the pageant and therefore I’m inspecting it. You know, I’m inspecting because I want to make sure that everything is good. You know, they’re standing there with no clothes, ‘Is everybody okay?' You see these incredible looking women, I sort of get away with things like that (Editor:  it is his dedication to details like this that makes Trump the man that he is) ."

Demonstrating the impact that Mr. Trump had on the young contestants, 15 year old (name redacted), a 1997 Miss Teen USA contestant, emotionally described Mr. Trump's behavior and its impact on her: "It made things so 'interesting' and put us on our toes as we were all 'just scrambling to grab stuff.... (Editor:  NOT his "junk") ...whatever garments (we) had.   We were all naked.  It was shocking and creepy' how effectively he motivated us (Editor: to cover up).  He kissed me directly on the lips, Oh my God. Gross." By many accounts, Mr. Trump is currently having virtually identical stimulatory effects on 60% of the American public as well as America's (former?) allies. #MAGA

Family Values According to Trump ....uh, ok

Actual Family Photos and Quotes By "The Donald" Regarding Ivanka

Creepy    or    Normal

Sources of actual quotes:


When asked what he and his daughter both consider their favorite things, Trump answered,

“I was going to say sex, but I can relate to golf and real estate.”

“Ivanka posing for Playboy would be really disappointing… not really. But it would depend

on what was inside the magazine…I don't think Ivanka would [do a nude shoot] inside the

magazine, Although she does have a very nice figure. I've said that if Ivanka weren't my daughter,

perhaps I'd be dating her.”

“You know who's one of the great beauties of the world, according to everybody? And I helped create her.

Ivanka. My daughter, Ivanka. She's 6 feet tall, she's got the best body.”

“She's actually always been very voluptuous… she's tall, she's almost 6 feet tall… she's a real beauty.”

“Yeah, she's really something, and what a beauty, that one. If I weren't happily married and, ya know, her father….”

“Is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?

Trump Style "It's A Wonderful Life"

Women Who Have Accused Donald Trump of Sexual Harassment and Assault (#METOO):

Jessica Leeds, Ivana Trump, Kristin Anderson, Jill Harth, Cathy Heller, Temple Taggart McDowell, Mariah Billado, Karena Virginia, Bridget Sullivan, Tasha Dixon, Mindy McGillivray, Rachel Crooks, Natasha Stoynoff, Jessica Drake, Ninni Laaksonen, Summer Zervos, Cassandra Searles

Men Are Great Again

Il Trumpe Medal of Valor

Awarded to French-Canadian Judge Vlad. M.R. Poutine at the 2013 Pageant

1999.  Noted humanitarians and animal lovers Hugh Hefner and Donald Trump auditioning personal assistants. Mr. Hefner is owner of a noted bunny refuge.  Since the 1990s, Mr. Hefner has worked with Mr. Trump to provide educational scholarships to young women through "Scholarship Pageants".  For example, "Miss Teen Bookworm USA"

the winner of which is honored with a center spread  

in a bunny hobbyist magazine

Photo Credit:  Ned Ander-Thal

*Actual Quote by Donald J. Trump.  

New York magazine, November 9, 1992

""As Press Secretary, she really does stink!"


"pssst, don't tell anyone, but I have a really bad gas problem!"

Sarah Huckabee Sanders  

But, Mr. Trump has a softer side.  Unknown to most Americans, Mr. Trump loves 'kitties' and 'bunnies'.  In fact, in 2005, Mr. Trump combined with Billy Bush (Editor: Mr. Trump was confused and thought he was working with President Bush) on a cross country effort to 're-home' wayward kitties.  Unfortunately, per Sarah Huckabee Sanders, "Mr. Trumps off the record comments regarding this humanitarian efforts have been vastly distorted by the main stream media (Editor: commonly referred to a 'MSM'), we are looking at you CNN, New York Times, Washington Post and World Headline News!  These dishonest 'fake news' organizations took innocent comments by Mr. Trump and presented them in a false and misleading light.  Mr. Trump was simply trying to grab some pussies, a common vernacular and endearing term for kittens and cats, that had escaped from their crates in the adopt-a-kitty bus."  

Indeed, InfoWars ( has similarly reported that the highly negative MSM story is false.  The late Hugh Hefner, who worked with "The Donald" in the 1980-90s on a 'bunny' charity was previously confirmed to the WHN that false claims are often thrown at humanitarians.  #MAGA