Almost Washington State (WHN) April 11, 2024. Orenthal James Simpson, best know as "O.J." died of cancer at the age of 76. OJ appeared in the pages of the WHN numerous times over between 1994 and 1996.   O.J.'s eventual acquittal of the double homicide of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman in 1995 resulted in White Live Matters (WLM) protests in some communities.

June 20, 2024   •   Issue 187 (of 200?)

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Acquisition and Merger specialist Ms. Chloe Ander-Thal has been tasked with finding a sucker, er, partner, interested in acquiring Ned's Famous Krispy Fried Chicken-ish chain.  Ms. Ander-Thal states she LOVES Ned's KFC "...which is weird because I don't like chicken!?" Psst... it's lab grown chicken-ish meat, that's why! © 2024 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

GUILTY O.J. SIMPSON DIES

Famous Football Player, Actor, Acquitted Murderer, Glove Model, and Convicted (like Trump) Felon

WHN EXCLUSIVE: 21st Century Chicken Farming as pioneered by Ned Ander-Thal. No more cruelty to chickens and no worries about bird flu. © 2024 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Another Example of "Catch & Kill" Journalism?  Trump Campaign Claims WHN Bias: Points to FAILED Ned Ander-Thal Enterprise. Claims WHN Bought EXCLUSIVE Rights to Ned's FAILURE

Almost Washington State (WHN) June 20, 2024. Following a recent report by the WHN documenting former President Trump's numerous business failings, the Trump campaign has accused the WHN of 'libelous journalism' and 'catch and kill' journalism by covering up the business failures of WHN Editor Ned Ander-Thal.

Mr. Trump's campaign has centered its legal argument on Mr. Ander-Thal's fast food chain: Ned's Famous Krispy Fried Chicken-ish. Per the trump BC (Beyond Chicken) lawsuit, Mr. Trump's legal team argues that KFC-ish, founded in 2024, is beset by financial woes arising from Mr. Ander-Thal's mismanagement and wholesale copying of a rival fast food chains business model. Ned, in a sword affidavit has sworn that he knows of no other premier fast food outlet with "Krispy" in it's name.  Indeed, the only name bering some semblance to "Krispy" is Springfields "Krusty Burgers". In gastronomic  terms, "Krispy" is viewed positively while people do not want to eat something that is "Krusty".  That said, Ned has confirmed that, despite a strong legal and gastronomically valid defense, Mr. Trump's vociferous attacks on KFC has resulted in significant economic hardships for the fledgling chain.

Ned's Famous KFC-ish is NOT as Successful as Trump Steaks and the 'LIBEL Press' is Hiding the FACTS!

1994 was not 1984

Interestingly, in the late 1980s, a much younger Dr. Ned Ander-Thal, was conducting 'research' at the 'Chicken Ranch', ah, 'laboratory' in Pahrump, NV. His research centered on exploring legs, thighs and breast in hopes of developing improved prosthetic devices. This all changed on January 6, 1994 when the US Olympic figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was attacked and her leg injured at the US Figure Skating Championship orchestrated by agents of her chief competitor Tonya Harding. Faced with the loss of America's top female figure skate, the CIA (Chicken Inspector Agency) turned to Dr. Ander-Thal's expertise.  In a frenzied effort, only interrupted by taking (repeated) measurements of prime human specimens and eating at Soul Brothers restaurant (Oakland, California), Ned produced the lab-grown leg (photo, left) that allowed Ms. Kerrigan to compete the next month at the 1994 Lillehammer Winter Olympics.  Ms. Kerrigan, with her prosthetic chicken leg, won the silver medal for the USA. However, by not winning GOLD, the leg was deemed defective and was sacrificed (just the leg, not Nancy) after the award ceremony allowing TEAM USA to celebrate a mostly successful Olympics with a chicken leg dinner.  Some linguists argue that it was here that the phrase "Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!" originated....

Nancy Kerrigan Takes Gold SILVER At the 'Special' Olympics of 1994.... which was followed by a big chicken dinner and the coining of the phrase: "Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!"

A GROWING CULTURE

Despite the origin of KFC-ish dating to early 1994, Ned's Famous KFC did not really take off until the retirement of a famous Albanian scientist in 2022 when Ned was able to buy a truckload of laboratory equipment to start 'farming' his chicken-ish meat in bulk using his patented technology (right).

Indeed, Ned has stated that he is actively trying to get a well known international company to buy Ned's Famous Krispy Fried Chicken-ish.  Per CEO Ned Ander-Thal, "Hey they have the same initials as my company, so rebranding would be a cinch for them.  They even, somehow, seem to have the same red and white buckets... the nerve of them. But unlike us, they do not have the 'Good PETA Dining Award'.  We have NEVER harmed a single chicken, but they kill millions every year. Of course those damned ecologists came after us for our tonnage of plastic waste. But, hey, as they say, you can't make an omelet without a couple dozen tissue culture flasks..."  This later point of "no harm to chickens" is a surprise to many consumers as Ned's KFC is at the forefront of the 'lab grown meat' industry. Joining Mr. Trump's legal barrage against Ned's Famous KFC-ish are environmentalist concerned about the massive amount of plastic waste generated by a single drumstick, as well as the concerted demonization of "lab grown meat" by news organizations in bed with the BIG MEAT PACKING MAFIA.

Facing these challenges, Ned's Famous KFC-ish  is exploring opportunities to sell itself.  Fortunately,  Ned's niece, Chloe Ander-Thal, is a newly hatched acquisition and merger expert who has been enlisted to facilitate KFC-ish liquidation, er, sale.  Per Ms. Ander-Thal, "I don't eat chicken, but I love Ned's Famous KFC-ish because it is, legally speaking, chicken free.  While I am looking at potential partners in the fast food market, the more lucrative, or perhaps ludicrous, merger partner may be in biotechnology - after all it all started with a leg transplant in 1994."

ALL MY BUSINESSES SUCCEED WILDLY!

BUT THE MAINSTREAM PRESS DENIES MY ASTOUNDING SUCCESSES - MOST RECENTLY "DJT" - ie., TRUTH SOCIAL! TRUTH SOCIAL IS THE GREATEST - JUST LIKE TRUMP STEAKS. IN THE MONTH AND A HALF TRUMP STEAKS OPERATED WE SOLD MORE BEEF THAN THE WORLD CONSUMES IN TWO CENTURIES - IN FACT THE WORLD RAN OUT OF COWS WHICH IS WHY WE TEMPORARILY CLOSED DOWN TRUMP STEAKS.

NED'S SUPPOSEDLY 'FAMOUS' KRISPY FRIED CHICKEN (FAKE KFC) IS WORSE THAN BIDENOMICS AND VEGETABLES COMBINED. AMERICA NEEDS TRUMP STEAKS MADE FROM REAL COWS. THE LAME-STREAM PRESS (OR VEGETABLE MAFIA AS I CALL THEM) IS HIDING THE TRUE FACTS FROM AMERICA. SOME PEOPLE SAY THE WHN PAID MILLIONS TO NED ANDER-THAL FOR HIS KFC STORY - JUST TO HIDE THE TRUTH OF ITS DISASTROUS FAILURE. ANOTHER CASE OF 'CATCH AND KILL' BY THE 'LIBEL' PRESS IF YOU ASK ME.

WHN Responds

NY's "Orange Teflon Don" IS NOW CONVICTED FELON

TRUMP: "The convictions are not valid! It is suppose to be a jury of my peers, and NONE of the jurors were billionaires!

.....not to mention that I have no peers!"

Almost Washington State (WHN) May 30, 2024. For the first time in over 230 years a President (current or former) has been convicted of a felony charge. Always the "over achiever", in a unanimous verdict 12 New York jurors convicted Mr. Trump of committing 34 Class-E felonies related to his $130,000 hush money payoff to Stefanie Clifford (aka, Stormy Daniels).  Mr. Trump will be sentenced by the Judge on July 11, 2024.  While Mr. Trump could be sentenced to up to 4 years in state prison, as a "first time (convicted) felony offender" it is unlikely that he will receive the maximum sentence (or even jail time).

Sunk By BIG DICK, er, PECKER, ah, COHEN, ENERGY

* per Stormy's description

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Preparing for life as a convicted felon, the WHN captured "The Don" practicing for his pending community service sentence.  Ironically, the practice session was held alongside the "Joseph R. Biden Expressway".  It is reported that Convict Trump will also be tasked with a similar job of collecting stolen government documents from the lawns of Mar-a-Lago and fairways of his Trump Bedminster New Jersey Golf Club.   © 2024 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Post conviction, WHN subscriber Stormy Daniels posed with the convicted felon Donald J. Trump. Prisoner Trump was captured holding the paper that he ripped from Ms. Daniels while she was spanking him. Per Prisoner Trump, "Getting spanked with the WHN is less enjoyable than with a Forbes magazine...". © 2024 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Chief WHN criminal, er, Crime Reporter, Ned Ander-Thal states that Mr. Trump will likely be issued a large fine and, quite possibly, community service. Here's hoping that the community service is picking up roadside garbage so that Americans (and interested Canadians) can do a drive-by and see poetic justice in action.  Indeed, when Ned was checking out the WHN billboard campaign on nearby Route 46 (recently re-named the Joseph R Biden Expressway) he was surprised to see Felon Trump and a Secret Service agent apparently practicing roadside garbage collection. When asked about the practice session, Trump spokesman and prison consultant Peter Navarro stated, "Well, 'The Don' is famously out of shape and I'm trying to tough him up for the BIG HOUSE.  This is also a skill that Donny is going to need in the future as well as the jailhouse rumors are that Special Counsel Jack Smith is going for the jugular and will ask the Judge to make Trump personally collect all the stolen classified documents scattered across the grounds of Mar-a-Lago and the fairways of the Trump Bedminster Golf Club with NO golf carts allowed!  Talk about cruel and inhumane."

OBITUARY

*AN ANGRY CONVICTED FELON ATTACKING THE WHN's REPORTING!

EXHIBIT A: Trump v. Ander-Thal

Early taste tests led to the (perhaps too) rapid expansion of the operation as Ned explained in late 2023: "The popularity of our cruelty free KFC has been a problem as it takes millions of disposable tissue culture flasks, as well as millions of liters of somewhat, well maybe VERY, toxic chemicals to grow our legs and thighs - we don't even try to grow breast meat as that gets us into real trouble with the Southern Baptists.  Disposing of our, er, 'agricultural waste' has become a real recycling headache as we have the sort the plastic and glass from the 'legally toxic', but tasty, chemicals."  While the future of Ned's Famous Krispy Fried Chicken-ish is in doubt, be sure to take the opportunity today to enjoy this feast at the out near you because, as they say at the Pahrump (NV) Chicken Ranch, "We have the finest legs in town."

A COURT1 MANDATED (Trump v. Ander-Thal) EDITORIAL BY:

1Judge Aileen Mercedes Cannon; United States District Court for the Southern District of Florida

Donald John Trump*, 45th (and 47th!)

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

Who many say is the SMARTEST, GREATEST, MOST POPULAR, and MOST HANDSOME PRESIDENT EVER!

However, the market for chicken leg prosthetics for Olympians is, perhaps surprisingly to some, small and unprofitable (at least prior to the rise of DraftKings - Booted Bantum (L) versus German Langshan (R) which is the best leg for an Olympic sprinter versus Alpine skier.   Place your bets NOW!!) - but Dr. Ander-Thal saw the gusto that people had when consuming the giant lab grown leg following the medal ceremony.  This SIMPLE observation led to the Birth of Ned's Famous Krispy Fried Chicken-ish.... and the rest is history.

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