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Satire Since 1993

May 20, 2021   •   Issue 152

Drinking the Orange Kool-Aid

WHN EXCLUSIVE: The Matt Gaetz INNOCENCE PROJECT national tour. Dispelling the myths about sex education, Rep. Gaetz is leaving no teenage girl untouched by his message... and, per some sources, anatomy. World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.

Rep. Madison Cawthorne (R-NC) tweets: "Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, good-bye Liz Cheney."


Have Bamboo Ballots Been Found By The Cyber Ninjas!?

Almost Washington State (WHN) May 15, 2021. Sources close the the ongoing ballot investigation of the Maricopa County election returns in Arizona report that the Cyber Ninjas (R-FL) have uncovered evidence of non-native ballots!  Per our source, codename Orange Cheeto (R-Mar-a-Lago), "A bunch of bamboo ballots have been discovered! Now, while these highly trained Ninjas have no election audit experience, and were only recently formed by a supporter of the REAL President, they do use dark ninja magic to accomplish their amazing feats! As documented in the WHN's photo, these ballots were pre-filled for Biden by the Chinese!  



Led by 'POT' stalwarts Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), Matt Gaetz (R-FL) and Q (R-america), the MAGA-transformation of America proceeds under the direction of Donald 'The Orange Cheeto' Trump and the mysterious French-Canadian Vlad M.R. Poutine (R-Russia, er, Canada).

Speaking on behalf of the new POT, Marjorie Taylor Greene stated: "I get paid $174,000 a year to just sit on my butt, stalk AOC in the hallways of Congress, harass the democrats in the neighboring offices, and spout off on 'Soros' space laser'! See how you too can get in on this POT action."

Call: 1-800-DJT-MAGA

"Don't be in front of the firing squad, be the firing squad!"


Liz Cheney Fails Orange Fidelity Test

Almost Washington State (WHN) May 20, 2021. Taking advantage of his close friendship with Melania Trump, WHN 'Lifestyle Editor' Ned Ander-Thal recently gained access to Former President tRump Mar-a-Lago residence. While evaluating the pawn-shop value of the gold-leaf guilt of the residence, Reporter Ander-Thal inadvertently entered the former President's private (non-porcelain) throne room where he secretly observed Mr. Trump's meeting with key Orange Party members: Kevin 'Monkey Boy' McCarthy and Elise 'Blood Sucker' Stefanik. Using a bit of 'eye of Newt' (Gingrich?) and 'root of hemlock' the coven, er, trio proceeded to conjure the future of Representative Liz Cheney (R-WY). Per Mr. Trump's incantation, "Liz Cheney is a bitter horrible human being. But if we boil her long enough, add a little oregano and garlic to the hemlock, she will be as well done as a Trump Steak."  Rep. Stefanik chortled, "I place dibs on her office!' while 'Monkey Boy' McCarthy screeched, "I love you Mr. Trump and I love your Banana Republic - cuz there's more food for me! They say you are what you eat, and I am BANANAS!"

WHN EXCLUSIVE:  Shown in the midst of their recent Mar-a-Lago strategy meeting on Rep. Liz Cheney (R-WY), Mr. Trump and Representatives Kevin "Money Boy' McCarthy and Elise 'Blood Sucker' Stefanik conjure a new future for Ms. Cheney and American democracy.   World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.

Representative Matt Gaetz (R-FL) Reported To 'Actively' Promote Teen Sex 'Education'

Party Of Trump

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Trump's reality.... America's future?

World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.

'Hands On' Mentoring AND 'Tuition' Money

Almost Washington State (WHN) May 20,

2021. In a speech given at a recent

(pre-trial?) campaign stop, Rep. Matt

Gaetz (R-FL) denounced the hypocrisy of

the socialist, anti-family, Democrats: "Why

do Democrats say 'sex education' is a bad

thing when Republicans promote it? I mean,

Democrats want to teach it in grade schools;

whereas my personal, very hands-on approach, is to wait to teach it at the high school level. As everyone knows, I'm pro-family and am willing to go out of my way to educate and 'man-ture', er, mentor, America's daughters. I also will provide 'tuition' and 'travel' money to very promising YOUNG girls.  Oh, and did you know that my p@#*$ is this big? It's perfect for educational purposes ... just like GIANT slide rulers...."

As every true American knows, native Arizona ballots only have 'TRUMP' checked, dusted in Cheeto powder, and are bamboo free. The ninjas found these non-native, and highly invasive, ballots were bamboo based, contained traces of White Rabbit candy, and entirely Trump free. Just like the covid virus it, Arizona Biden votes come from China.  Don't believe a word that the so-called Republican 'election officials' in Arizona say... I have it on good authority from "Q" that these individuals are actually Chinese who have undergone extensive plastic surgery and sun exposure! Now on to Georgia.... Georgia ballots are made of pecans... are there bamboo ballots there as well. The Cyber Ninjas are on the way to examine the nut cases!"

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Actual photo of the 'Bamboo Ballots' uncovered in Arizona by the crack Cyber Ninja's.   World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.

Invasive Non-Native Ballots?

Exclusive to the

World Headline News