The World Headline News

Use the PULLDOWN INDEX below to navigate pages:

• Colorado Springs  

•  Gunnison  

•  Dakoro  

•  Minneapolis  

•  Oakland  

•  Paris  

•  Albany  

•  Vancouver

Satire Since 1993

Exclusive to the

World Headline News

December 14, 2019   •   Issue 123

100% Organic Trump

Almost Washington State (WHN) December 14, 2019.  As the Democrats in the House of Representatives move towards voting for impeachment of President Donald J. Trump, the White House has began to disclose their defense strategy. According to sources within the Administration, the strategy will involve a "100% Organic Simpson Defense".

WHN EXCLUSIVE: White House announces new product for American farmers, Trump supporters, and the courts. "T.S. is huge and fully processed via 10-15 washing cycles." Photo: © 2019 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Tяump Defense Strategy: "Pile It Higher and Deeper". Democrats Respond: "It's Manure"

I'm too incompetent* to successfully commit an impeachable offense; so re-elect me in 2021..."

Remember, this is the ONLY source of Trump Organic Compost.  

© 2019 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

"Patriotism means standing by the country.  It does NOT mean to stand by the President or any other public official save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country.   ... it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth..."


May 1918

"A democracy can die of too many lies, and we are getting close to that terminal moment.  People need to be a citizen again, not a partisan."


Nov 10, 2019

Déjà Moo - The feeling you’ve heard this bull before

* A core tenet of both the Mueller Report and the

Republican impeachment Defense Strategy!


The United States has NO Extradition Treaty with RUSSIA....

The REAL purpose for a

Trump Tower Moscow?


“'Convicted of a crime [murder] I didn’t even commit. Hah! Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for 'attempted chemistry'?

Do they?

Sideshow Bob

“The Simpsons,”

Season Six, Episode Five, 1994

Attorney General William Barr is leading the defense of the President by employing a secret weapon: Presidential Manure.  Per Attorney General Barr, "This composted 'truth' I am holding is custom crafted by the President for the President and the American public... well at least 35-40% of the American public.  It is chalk full of the BEST 'covfefe' and 'hamberder'.  It has been improved even more with extra Giuliani.  This manure 'truth' allows lies 'alternative truths' to blossom into full fledged 'deep state' conspiracies."

Echoing Mr. Barr and the Simpson Defense strategy, Trump ally Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.) piled it higher by stating that Trump’s Ukraine policy was too “incoherent” for officials to successfully execute anything as calculated and criminal as a quid pro quo arrangement. "It was only attempted quid pro quo hence it wasn't a crime.  I mean is 'attempted' bribery any more of a crime than 'attempted' chemistry?  I think not."

ACTUAL Lindsey Graham Quote:

“What I can tell you about the Trump policy toward Ukraine: It was incoherent, it depends on who you talk to, they seem to be incapable of forming a quid pro quo.”

Democrats have labeled Trump's strategy as pure "B.S." [Barr quickly responded that "This shows you how unpatriotic the Democrats are, this is NOT 'B.S.'  .... but is PURE 'T.S.'"]. Moreover, climate activist, and 2019's TIME Person of the Year, Greta Thunberg has attacked the Republican plan as environmentally unsound as the President has boasted that he has "to flush the 'collection throne' 10-15 times in order to fully process the "T.S." This is because the Big Boy Donny eats too many hamberders and fries....  I don't care if Zelensky loves his ass - his ass is clearly adding to global warming by extensive methane emissions - I know, I've been in the same room as him."  

Despite the confidence of the G.O.P., and Trump's French-Canadian lawyer Vlad M.R. Poutine, some doubts exist as to the longterm success of Mr. Trump's"T.S." strategy.  Despite, piles of rich manure thrown at the courts in oder to suffocate legal actions [EDITOR: the recent House Intelligence Report suggest that "T.S." has a very strong 'covfefe' and 'hamberder' odor], Mr. Trump recently pled guilty to "Criminal Conspiracy to Defraud a Charity". The guilty plea resulted in a judgement against the President of the United States and a $2,000,000 fine. Strangely, if you or I did the same crime, we'd be in jail... so maybe "T.S" is working....



Freedom of the Press, Facts and Truth Under Attack - The S.O.P. of Despots

Vlad M.R. Poutine, Mr. Trump's very personal French-Canadian lawyer stated, "Mitch, Zelensky's right, look at that ass! Man, do I love that ass...."

"Woo hoo!"



U.S.A. Cedes Territory to Expansionist Mexico:

What Was "NEW" Is Now "OLD" Again

Almost Washington State (WHN) October 23, 2019.  In a startling admission of failure, President Donald Trump announced that, much like Ukraine, the U.S.A. has lost territory to an invading hostile country - though, surprisingly, NOT Canada (see earlier story).

In a subdued speech to America, Mr. Trump stated (Actual quote): "We're building a wall on the border of New Mexico. And we're building a wall in Colorado, a big one that really works -- you can't get over, you can't get under. We're building a wall in Texas, and we're not building a wall in Kansas, but they get the benefit of the walls that we just mentioned."

"We HOPE we can hang onto Colorado, but if they go Democrat in 2020, I suspect they will be speaking 'Mexican' in 2021..."

Democrats in the House of Representatives were caught flat-footed by the announcement.  Speaker Pelosi stated: "This is the first time in history that the United States has surrendered to a foreign power... if you DON'T count Trump surrendering to Putin...".  However, Republican Representatives Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes disagreed with Ms. Pelosi and in a Press Release stated:

"This is just another brilliant strategy by the most brilliant [Editor: well at least the MOST orange] man to ever occupy the White House.  New Mexico was disloyal to the U.S.A. because they voted for Hillary in 2016. They have also elected two Democratic Senators and their three House of Representative members are also all Democrats.  By ceding "New" Mexico to "Old" Mexico, the G.O.P. [Editor: Government of Putin] will strengthen their control of the Senate and move towards retaking the the House of Representatives.  Brilliant move Mr. President!

...oh, and Hunter Biden once ate at a Taco Bell in 'New' Mexico .... and maybe, hint hint, Colorado as well..."

WHN EXCLUSIVE: In an exclusive interview with WHN Reporter Ned Ander-Thal, a contrite President displayed his NEW Sharpie® map of the United States that will be issued to all schools in the 49 States by Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos.  Mr. Trump also announced that Betsy DeVos will also redesign the American flag because, "IF Betsy Ross could do it, Betsy DeVos can do it Better!". PHOTO: © 2019 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Standard Operating Procedure

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Attorney General William Barr holds the finished product of 'HOURS of solitary effort' by Mr. Trump to refute the abuse of power allegations against him [Editor: see Executive Time].  Per Mr. Trump, "Twelve BIG Macs and 4 extra large fries for breakfast is NOT abuse of power!"  According to Mr. Barr, "Our 100% Organic "T.S." is sure to make your favorite conspiracies bloom." Rudy Giuliani, a longtime customer, stated "Why, I planted just one little Ukrainian-Biden acorn and it has blossomed into a full grown right-wing conspiracy." Alex Jones, founder of InfoWars states "All my shows are full of "T.S.".  While the smell is pungent, it does get me a lot of clicks."  Upon hearing this, Donald Trump stated, "Yea, my sh** has always attracted the chicks... Or maybe it's the $130,000 I have to pay them for their pleasure." Photo: © 2019 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News