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Satire Since 1993

WHN EXCLUSIVE: 'Busting' with pride, elite Russian shock and awe troops mesmerize a clearly excited (waist down not shown) Donald Trump with their prowess.  A clearly pleased Donald Trump stated, "I could, or would, never fight them off. Make love not war!"  World Headline News © 2022 Ned Ander-Thal.

March 31, 2022   •   Issue 164

Putin: "IF I Can't Win,

The WORLD Must Lose!"

Will It Be Planet Earth's Graveyard as well?

A WHN Mini-Editorial

'STRONG' Leaders = A 'WEAK' or 'FAILED' Democracy

Democracies are predicated on 'EFFECTIVE' (but not strong) leaders who can broker compromises, coalitions, and collaborations with the opposition (both internally and externally (internationally).

'STRONG' Leaders depend on OVERT POWER and the

SUPPRESSION and then DESTRUCTION of the opposition.  

Putin is a STRONG leader, Trump wants to be a STRONG leader and Biden wants to be an EFFECTIVE leader.  Biden has shown effective leadership in restoring NATO and leading a united NATO front against Russian aggression while simultaneously attempting to prevent a broader war (i.e., World War III). We at the WHN will always choose an 'Effective' (even a weak) leader over a 'Strong' leader in order to protect democracy.


As a result of the Soviets being attacked by Germany in June 1941, the Finns sought to regain the territory ceded ceded to the Soviets and began the Second Soviet-Finnish War (the Continuation War). Militarily, this was a conflict fought by Finland and Nazi Germany against the Soviet Union from 1941 to 1944. Despite its co-operation with Germany in the conflict, Finland never signed the Tripartite Pact (Germany-Italy-Japan) and the Finnish leadership justified its alliance with Germany as self-defence.

At the end of World War 2, Finland was required to return to the borders agreed to in the 1940 Moscow Peace Treaty, demobilize its armed forces, fulfill war reparations, and cede the municipality of Petsamo. As with the First Soviet-Finnish War, it had been a militarily costly event for the Soviets with 250,000-300,000 dead/missing and 575,000 medical casualties.  Finnish loses were estimated at ~64,000 dead/missing and ~160,000 wounded. According to contemporaneous reports, Stalin had initially wanted to occupy Finland (just as it did the whole of Eastern Europe) but was concerned that the cost of occupation (due to the fierce resistance of the Finns) would be exorbitant.

Just 3 months after the start of World War 2 (i.e., the German invasion of Poland and the partitioning of Poland with the Soviet Union), the leader of the Soviet Union (i.e., today's Russia) Joseph Stalin ordered the nation's military to invade (or was it a 'Special Military Operation' ala Putin and Ukraine...) Finland on November 30, 1939. The 'justification' (then and now) for the invasion was the pretense of protecting ethnic Russians and to rid Finland of anti-Russian 'Nazis'. In response to the Soviet invasion, the League of Nations (precursor to the United Nations) deemed the attack illegal and expelled the Soviet Union from the organisation.  The Winter War (i.e., First Soviet-Finnish War) lasted only three-and-a-half months and ended on 13 March 1940 with the Moscow Peace Treaty. Despite extraordinarily heavy Soviet losses, the Finns ultimately ceded ~9% of Finland to the Soviet Union - this was was actually MORE than the Soviets had initially demanded (lessons for Ukraine?).


INTERESTING FACTLET: This is the war where the "Molotov Cocktail" got its name. While homemade bombs made from bottles with highly flammable liquids and strips of fabrics were documented during the Spanish Civil War, it was the Finns who came up with the name as an insult to Soviet Foreign Minister Vyacheslav Molotov.


'MORAL' OF THE STORY? Despite the clear Finnish military victories against overwhelming Soviet forces, Finland ultimately LOST both wars politically leading to the loss of substantial territory to the Soviet Union. Unfortunately, this is also the most likely consequence of the RUSSIA-UKRAINE conflict. This is a war that Putin can not afford to lose - hence, both Ukrainian and Russian lives do not matter to Russia (i.e., Putin) and it will become a war of attrition and massive destruction in Ukraine.  

To end the hostilities, the WHN predicts that Russia will demand, and 'win', a land bridge between Russia and Crimea (which Russia illegally gained control of in 2014). Importantly, this land bridge in eastern Ukraine, would also included Ukraine's rich oil and gas resources destroying the country economically. Russia may have a greater goal of taking ALL of southern Ukraine removing Ukraine's sea access. This Russian 'victory' will only be achieved due to the clear willingness (just like in Finland) to accept huge military losses for territorial gains. Beware Moldova, this landbridge will further the risks you face (especially with the break away Transnistria (Russia speaking) region.  

GQP Senators State Biden Administration Should Consult With Former President Trump On Russian Invasion

Trumps 'Hands On' Experience Handling Eastern Europeans Cited

To help achieve his saintly goal, Mr. Putin has, in addition to the mighty Russian Armed Forces, assembled a crack team of non-ethnic Russians, dubbed 'Putin's Freedom Fighters' whose mission it is to attack the enemy from within. Two of the more prominent 'freedom fighters' are Tucker Carlson and Darth Vader. These agents are task to pillage, er, educate, Western Democracies on the righteousness of the Russian cause. Per Mr. Putin, "Da Putin Freedom Fighters are fighting freedom with much the same tools I use domestically... fake news, poisons, imprisonment and private armies. Only with authoritarian rule can freedom from liberty be achieved.... Fighting freedom is most effectively done from within - does not an apple rot from within? If I can't win, the World must lose!" But Putin's genius extends beyond 'Putin's Freedom Fighters' as Tsar Putin has enlisted the worlds foremost military genius: Donald J. Trump.

Almost Washington State (WHN) March 31, 2022. Sources on Capital Hill have reported that multiple GQP Senators and Representatives are insisting that President Biden formulate America's response to Russias invasion of Ukraine with Former President Trump. One southern Republican senator stated (off the record): "America needs unity and President Trump is an expert on unity - why no other President has done what he has done.... course he done shoulda pardoned himself before he was impeached twice and kicked outta the White House." Other senators have cited Mr. Trump's extensive experience with both domestic (Marla Maples and Stormy Daniels) and foreign (Ivana Zelníčková and Melanija Knavs) affairs. As a consequence of his vast 'foreign affairs' experience, particularly with women from the dreaded "Former Soviet Union and its Satellite States, he is 'well equipped' [Editor: though not according to Stormy Daniels] to intercede - likely via another 'perfect phone call'.  He clearly understands the megalomaniac mind of Putin and his 'hands on' experience in dealing with these 'foreign affairs' could be critical in dealing with Mr. Putin and a resurgent Russia as it attempts to rebuilds the Soviet Empire, or Imperial Russia, via invasion and economic strangulation."  

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Vladimir Putin toasts the commanders of 'Putin's Freedom Fighters' as they prepare to do battle against the liberal democracies of planet Earth.. and the galaxies beyond. World Headline News © 2022 Ned Ander-Thal.

Plots available for both Russians and Ukrainians

Almost Washington State (WHN) March 31, 2022. In an insane, er, bold(?), attempt to resurrect the Russian Empire, Tsar, er, President, Vladamir Putin has ordered the Russian invasion of Ukraine..... done of course out of brotherly love of course for all slavic peoples. According to noted biblical scholar Saint Ned Ander-Thal, "Brotherly love is often harsh. Russia and Ukraine are just like the Bible's Cain and Abel. Putin, much like Cain, is jealous of the highly popular Abel and, in a show of brotherly love, is attempting to kill the Nazi Abel...  but only because that is what loving brothers do...."

Slava Ukraini

The peace treaty ultimately did not arise from a Soviet Military victory but rather from the lack of respect for human life by the Soviet Union - both military and civilian. Despite superior military strength, especially in tanks and aircraft, the Soviet Union suffered severe losses. It is estimated that the Soviets suffered 126,000-168,000 dead/missing , 200,000+ wounded and up to 3,500 tanks and 500 aircraft lost.  In comparison, the much smaller Finnish army suffered ~26,000 killed/missing, 44,000 wounded soldiers and the loss of 20-30 tanks and 60 aircraft. However, this war set the standard for future Soviet (and Russian) military operations where human casualties are ignored (and even expected) in what becomes a war of attrition.

UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES FOR STALIN: The exceptionally poor performance of the Red Army against the Finns convinced German Chancellor Adolf Hitler that an attack on the Soviet Union would be successful and, on June 1941, Germany launched Operation Barbarossa - the invasion of the Soviet Union.

Ukraine - Putin's Graveyard

Exclusive to the

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