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Satire Since 1993

The Nut Job Squad

"I Did My Own Research!"

Achieving Vaccine 'Free-Dumb'

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Operation details of the military plans of the U.S.A and Canada to invade each other. While these plans were declassified in the 1970's, one has to assume, that newer plans exist within the secret vaults of the respective defence/defense ministry/department of both countries.  © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Almost Washington State (WHN) December 2, 2021. 'Best friends', or, 'Best Frenemies'? The relationship between Canada and the United States is commonly viewed as one of friendship and shared cultural and global interests. In fact, the 5,525-mile-long (8,900 km) Canada-USA border running along the 49th Parallel is hailed as the longest undefended international boundary in the world.

BUT WHY IS IT UNDEFENDED? Is it really because of the peaceful nature of the two countries, or are these countries each angling for North American domination? Fresh off of doing our own research on the risk-benefits of the COVID-19 vaccine, the research staff at the WHN, led by retired General Michael Flynn, er, Ned Ander-Thal, delved into the relationship between the two countries. Shockingly, the WHN discovered that these two countries have been at war from the beginning. Indeed, since the 1920s, a clear cold war has existed between the two countries [though to be fair, most of the cold resides above the 49th parallel] with TOP SECRET plans by both countries to invade the other.

USA - War Plan Red (1930)*

*War Plan Red was actually designed for a war with England. In the late 1920s, American military strategists developed plans for a war with Japan (code name Orange), Germany (Black), Mexico (Green) and England (Red). The Americans imagined a conflict between the United States (Blue) and England over international trade: The imagined war aim of RED (England) in a war with BLUE (USA) was the elimination of the USA as an economic and commercial rival to the British Empire. Canada, a territory of England, was referred to as Crimson in the war plan.

A bold plan, War Plan Red was first formulated in 1930 (updated in 1934 and again in 1935) and laid out a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex Canada. Several key operational initiatives were detailed. 1) a joint US Army-Navy operations to capture the key port city of Halifax [thereby cutting the Canadians off from their stalwart British allies, and former colonial overlord of the USA].  2) American forces seizure of key Canadian power plants near Niagara Falls, shutting off all electrical feed to Canadian cities and industries.  3) U.S. Army invasion on three fronts: marching from Vermont to take Montreal and Quebec; charging out of North Dakota to grab the railroad center at Winnipeg; advancing from Seattle to take Vancouver and its port ["The best practicable route to Vancouver is via Route 99 (now I-5)"]; and storming out of the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario. 4) The nascent American Army Air Force will simultaneously gain air superiority and attack any Canadian forces attempting to blunt the American invasion. Finally, 5) the U.S. Navy seizes the Great Lakes and blockades Canada's Atlantic and Pacific ports. The proposed invasion plans would, as the official planners in 1930 wrote in bold capital letters, "ULTIMATELY TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL" of Canada.

December 2, 2021   •   Issue 157



DEMOCRATS: We don't do things for people only if THEY are nice to us, we do them because WE are nice.

REPUBLICANS: And that is why you will lose... Nice people finish last...

Lacking the luxury of modern lighters, Vikings utilized a fungus called touchwood (Fomes fomentarius), a plate-shaped mushroom  that grows on tree bark, and urine to create a medieval lighter.  To do this, the fungi is cut into thin strips, and the mushroom strips are slow boiled for several days in urine (typically human sourced*). Urine contains sodium nitrate, which has very similar chemical properties as potassium nitrate (the “saltpeter” found in gunpowder).   The Norse would then take the urine-boiled fungus and pound it until its texture resembled felt. The felt was then lit on fire.  The sodium nitrate in the urine allows the fungal material to smolder but not catch fire (i.e., no open flame). The smoldering fungal lighter can smolder for several days allowing the Vikings to take their 'lighter' everywhere in specialized 'matchboxes'. The fact that it smoldered without burning was key. When it was time to start a fire, they could just blow on it to use it to ignite flammable tinder to start their fires.


Raiding The Icebox: Holiday Tradition or Nefarious Plot To Rule North America

Washington Post


WHN EXCLUSIVE: Top GQP 'Researchers' discuss the latest information of the COVID P(L)andemic.  Held virtually via Zoom®, the conference started with an address by the highly esteemed virologist Dr. Donald Trump (Below) entitled, "The Only Virus Affecting America Is the Democracy Virus - It's Time To End The Virus". The organizing committee issued a summary statement: "COVID is a hoax, my body-my-choice, all Democrats are communists and January 6 WILL become a national holiday!" © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

* Urine has been a profitable commodity throughout much of human history.  People were paid to collect human and animal urine as it was extensively used for hide tanning, general cleaning, as a teeth whitener, and a host of other uses.  Indeed, it was such a valuable commodity, that the Roman Empire taxed urine. So be a good 'prepper' and start collecting your urine TODAY; because tomorrow the 'DEEP STATE' will start taxing it!

Nutty, BUT REAL, Science

Becoming A 'Prepper': How To Survive The Coming GQP Apocalypse

Making Life Sustaining


Viking Fire Starter Kit

Tired of rubbing sticks together to start your cooking fire?  In the post apocalyptic GQP world, fire will be THE life saving necessity, but starting a fire can be hard.  To address this need, Ned says: "Do as my glorious Viking ancestors did!".

Almost Washington State (WHN) December 2, 2021. The March (well, technically, December) of GQP Science continues!  To counter the actions of the Biden Administration response to the  COVID-19 pandemic, top GQP scientists, er, "researchers" convened for the 2021 GQP Free-Dumb Worldwide Web 'Research' Symposium. The agenda centered on the loss of PERSONAL FREE-DUMB at the hands of the Biden Administration. Representative Lauren Boebert (R-Colorado) stated, "They tell us to wear masks, I say HELL NO, they tell us to take vaccines, I say HELL NO, they tell us to protect others, and I say HELL NO! and I say that with 'my little friend'.  We are Americans and I say 'GIVE ME LIBERTY AND GIVE ME DEATH'!" Representative Marjorie Taylor-Green (R-Georgia) added, "We won't wear masks, we wont' get vaccinated and why hasn't Biden ended the pandemic? Because he wants true Americans to die, that's why! America, don't get the vaccine because it contains microchips that the Soros space laser uses to target and kill you! I personally would recommend that you wear my patented 'Anti-Soros Space Laser Helmet' - only $4545.45 on Etsy.  All proceeds go to my and Matt Gaetz re-election, criminal defense and mask-fines funds."  However, the most startling findings of the convention came from Representative Paul Gosar and a 'mysterious', flag-draped, mustachioed individual (see photo) who issued a joint statement stating: "January 6, 2021 will go down in history as the greatest patriotic event of all time. It is destined to become the most important American Holiday ever!" Upon hearing this, Representative Boebert screamed and threw her panties at the rugged mustachioed hunk yelling "You da Q-man! I wanna have your baby!" With that cry of celebration the 'research' meeting adjourned to the bedroom, er, to the 2022 mid-term elections.

Celebrating the

100th Anniversary

of the Canadian Plan to Invade the USA!

Invading Canada is an old American tradition...

Invading Canada successfully is not...

Practical Viking Life Hacks:  The Fungi-Urine Fire Starter Kit

Adapted from: M.D. Scott's UBC PATH 327 'Fungi II' Lecture (2002-2019)

Canada - Defence Scheme No. 1 (1921)

While one may be right to think that the American War Plan Red was just a continuation of their previous to gain control of the Canadian colonies, others might say not so fast. Surprisingly, the American plans may have arisen because American spies uncovered the top-secret 1921 Canadian plan to INVADE the U.S.A.!

The 1921 Canadian Defence Scheme No. 1 was developed by the country's director of military operations and intelligence, Brigadier General James Sutherland "Buster" Brown. A World War I Canadian hero, Buster believed that the best defense was a good offense. Defence Scheme No. 1 called for the Canadian military to invade the United States, attacking Albany, Minneapolis, Seattle and Great Falls, Mont., at the first signs of a 'possible' U.S. invasion. Indeed, 'SURPRISE' was the key to success in Defence Scheme No. 1. Brigadier General Brown knew that eventually Canadian forces would be stoped by the Americans and then have to retreat (blowing up bridges, railroads and roads along the way). Buster's plan was to buy time for the British to come to Canada's rescue. Canada, well as least Buster, actually did reconnaissance work within the U.S.A. With a annual reconnaissance budget of $1,200 US [equal to ~$18,500 in 2021] the Brigadier would drive himself to to the invasion targets and take pictures and pick up free maps at gas stations to obtain the latest information for planing invasion routes.

Today, most in the U.S.A. mock the suggestion that Canadians might invade their southern Superpower. But look closely, who ARE all those Canadian Snowbirds living in Phoenix, Sarasota, Palm Beach and San Diego.... Are the "RVs"  actually 'recreational vehicles', or are they advanced 'reconnaissance vehicles'? [see Issue 84 • 2016]"

WHN EXCLUSIVE:   Brigadier General James Sutherland 'Buster' Brown in 1918.  © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

In the 1935 update to War Plan Red, the Americans planners proposed building three military airfields near the Canadian border and disguise them as civilian airports. This scheme was revealed in secret testimony by two generals to the U.S. House Military Affairs Committee;  which subsequently, and inadvertently, published the secret testimony in the publicly available Congressional Records. When the Canadian government protested the plan, President Franklin Roosevelt had to personally reassure Canada that he wasn't contemplating war. Indeed, this international scandal made the front page of the New York Times on May 1, 1935.

New York Times: May 1, 1935

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