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Satire Since 1993

Trump Speaks

"My Struggle"

to Make America Great Again©

July 22, 2016

Surrey (WHN)  Donald J. Trump has presented his vision of America's past and future to the American electorate.  The main thesis of his speech was "the Clinton peril" and Hillary's "rigged system" (i.e., conspiracy) to gain world domination.  Mr. Trump specifically accused the Weimar Republic, oops, Obama-Clinton Republic for the downfall of America-the-GREAT, the killing of police officers (several by Hillary's own hand) and the bankruptcy of Hostess Brands® leading to the near loss of America's greatest products: Twinkies, Ding-Dongs and Zingers.  But lyin' Hillary was not alone in destroying the American soul; Mr. Trump made clear that "foreign" subversives including Kenyans (and we all know who he means!), Muslim Kenyans (and we all know who he means!), Mexicans, Muslims and Democrats were all in league to destroy America.  As stated by Mr. Trump:

"I know words.  I have the BEST words.  I want to thank my daughter Ivanka for that gracious introduction.You know who’s one of the great beauties of the world, according to everybody. And I helped create her. Ivanka. My daughter, Ivanka. She’s six feet tall, she’s got the best body.  If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps, I would be dating her!   But enough about my crazy fantastic family.

We Republicans must consciously draw a line through the foreign policy of the Clinton period. The legacy of Hillary Clinton is death, destruction, terrorism and weakness.  I alone can fix it!  I will take up where True Americans left off in 1955 - a time when America was truly GREAT and 'people' knew their place. We will stop the endless cascade of M&Ms (Editor: Mexican and Muslim) to our fair land, and will turn our gaze toward making America great again.  How?  it's simple!  We ignore our stupid obligations to our foreign 'friends', govern like Putin, and kick China's butt back to the days of the Long March. We are going to enforce all trade violations against any country that cheats. This includes stopping China’s outrageous theft of intellectual property, along with their illegal product dumping, and their devastating currency manipulation.  So what if cars cost 40% more, so what if Russia invades Lithuania - what has Lithuania ever done for America.  I'm smart, in fact I am brilliant, but you know our current politicians are stupid.  STUPID! The Mexican government is much smarter, much sharper, much more cunning. And they send the bad ones over, I'm talking rapists, because they don't want to pay for them. They don't want to take care of them. Why should they when the stupid leaders of the United States will do it for them?  WE WILL BUILD A WALL and America will be great again. As your President, I will do everything in my power to protect our LGBT citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology — believe me.  But I will prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law if they use the WRONG bathroom.  Because, in this race for the White House, I am the law and order candidate.  Hillary Clinton has to go to jail, okay? She has to go to jail. She’s guilty as hell.  Lock her up, lock her up!  USA!   USA!   USA! USA! "

Mein Kampf

DISCLAIMER:   Just like Melania Trump's speech, the majority of Mr. Trump's quote is original and is quoted verbatim.... with just a tiny bit plagiarized from another famous Politician's personal story of struggle and 'redemption' and with a smidgen of filler from the WHN.



NOTE OF CAUTION:   George Washington stated: "However [political parties] may now and then answer popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion."

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Exclusive WHN Report:

July 22, 2016   •   Issue 76