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Satire Since 1993

GASP - Trump Wins !?!

President-Elect Trump, acknowledging the raucous nature of the election has moderated his calls for Ms. Clinton's execution and is now simply calling for her incarceration - preferable in Russia.  As stated by President-Elect Trump, "Only with her incarceration is national unity possible." Demonstrating that he is ready to be President, President-Elect Trump and his Transition Team left New York City for Washington DC immediately after his acceptance speech to begin preparing for the Trump Presidency.  As shown, Donald Trump, along with several of his closest psychopaths , er, Transition Team members (Messrs. Rudy Giuliani (R) and Chris Christie (L)) were observed on the White House lawn eating barbecued 'pig' (though the Obama's dogs 'Bo' and 'Sunny' are reported missing raising some dietary concerns) and singing the signature anthem of the Trump Campaign: "Kill the Pig! Cut Her Throat! Spill Her Blood!"   When questioned as to the menu, all Mr. Trump would say is, "I like dogs ... hotdogs, virtually anything dog and the Kenyan in the Big House was not nice to me." Per Mr. Ander-Thal, who rushed from New York to Washington DC to capture the events on film, "Uglier things may have been spotted on the White House lawn, but not by reliable witnesses."

Exclusive to the World Headline News

Exclusive WHN Report:

NOT President-Elect Clinton has also held a news conference in which she delivered a brief concession speech.  Ms. Clinton congratulated Mr. Trump and expressed her hope that he "will grow up and be the President we need, versus the jerk that he currently is."  Ms. Clinton then excused herself from the press conference saying she had some e-mails to send from her brand new President-Elect YAHOO! account.  While obviously dejected, Ms. Clinton did see the bright-side, "At least now the F.B.I. won't be able to search my YAHOO! account."  Potential Attorney General Rudy Giuliani stated, "Don't count on that Piggy."  Upon hearing Mr. Giuliani's comment, private citizen Ms. Clinton stated, "I've always known that Trump would go nuclear..." and then pointed the reporters present to her campaign literature (see below).

Clinton Campaign literature:  "Preventing Armageddon:  No Trump, No Fallout"


Surrey (WHN)    Following a grueling 18 month campaign, the American public has voted and elected Donald J. Trump as the 45th President of the United States.  Esteemed WHN photographer Mr. Ned Ander-Thal was present in New York City in the hours following his election and captured his now iconic photo of President-Elect Trump (left) as he claimed victory over "that nasty Hillary Clinton".  President-Elect Trump, when asked what his next step was replied, "I'm going to Mar-a-Lago!  A wholly owned property of Trump Inc.". It is reported that Mr. Trump expects that Mar-a-Lago will generate significant income from the Federal Government as 'President Trump' will have the Federal government rent the property from 'Mr. Trump' so that President Trump can stay at the 'Southern White House'.

President-Elect Donald J. Trump

Photo:  Ned Ander-Thal

Ned Ander-Thal wishes to congratulate President-Elect Donald J. Trump for his election and for his past, current and now FUTURE contributions to the World Headline News.

Trump Transition Team on lawn of the White House ("Obama won't let us in!").  Messrs. Trump, Christie and Giuliani celebrated by singing their signature campaign song: "Kill the Pig! Cut her throat! Spill her blood!" all while eating barbecued 'pig'.  In a related matter, concerns continue to build as to where are the Obama's dogs 'Bo' and 'Sunny'.

CLINTON: "I Lost? But, but, but... "

The 45th President of the United States of America

Current President Obama is reported to be distressed by the presence of the Trump transition on the White House lawn: "Hey, I have to still live here with my wife and kids and this freaky weather that seems to follow them around is starting to scare us."  Indeed, fearing that Divine intervention might actually be behind the weather, er climate, change, Mr. Obama has floated a 'trial balloon' to inform the Supreme Being that he and his family are NOT associated with Mr. Trump.  In contrast, Mr. Trump seems to revel in the climate change that his election has created in Washington DC. and simply stated, "Hey, this is my kind of weather".

Trump press conference on White House south lawn. Note the NEW Trump Tower that has been built adjacent to the White House. Strange weather seems to follow Mr. Trump.

  Photo:  Ned Ander-Thal.

Ned Ander-Thal, Editor and Publisher of the WHN apologizes to its readers for the WHN erroneous report of a Clinton Victory.  

Per US Supreme Court  (Trump vs. Ned) Order:

SCOTUS #1234

Blows It's

Election Coverage

November 9, 2016   •   Issue 85