McCarthy's America 1950s America AGAIN?!
Republicans Take Control of the House
McCarthy 'Eyes Sauron-ity' For Americans
Almost Washington State (WHN) February 7, 2023. "Nancy Pelosi is no more!" a jubilant Kevin McCarthy chortled following his 'commanding' (216-212) 15th round election as 55th Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. With that, the victorious McCarthy scampered to the Speakers podium and viciously grabbed the Speakers gavel from the hands of a startled Pelosi. WHN Almost Washington D.C. reporter Ned Ander-Thal captured the moment for posterity as McCarthy literally savored the gavel, crying softly "My Precious, my precious, my precious..." This was followed by a loudly bellowed "BURN DOWN THE HOUSE!". Representatives Boebert, Gates, Taylor-Green and Gosar cheered in support! A triumphant Donald Trump, who supported Mr. McCarthy for the position, stated, "He owes his victory to me. He has promised me he will reconvene the January 6 Committee and show that it was a perfectly innocent event... actually a tremendous PATRIOTIC EVENT that deserves to be a National Holiday."
February 7, 2022 • Issue 172
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Nicknamed "The Wrecking Crew", McCarthy's House team looks forward to reshaping, nay, distorting, American Democracy.
The QUESTION becomes, can they do it over the next 2 years? Ned Ander-Thal © 2023, World Headline News
Exclusive to the
World Headline News
WHN EXCLUSIVE: The Historic moment! Ned Ander-Thal © 2023, World Headline News
Tucker Carlson Tackles America's
BIGGEST BIDEN-ish PROBLEMS
Tucker: What's WRONG with SEXY? Women, both humans and candies, should be sexy, and sexy starts with the shoes. I know this because I once dated a woman named Candy and she wore sexy boots. In contrast, Swanson Frozen TV Dinners are not sexy... Please mom, no more of those damn peas! It's time I graduate to something sexy.... please let Mrs. Robinson please save me!
February is Black History Month
Gov. Ron DeSantis and the
State of Florida Lead The Way
WHN EXCLUSIVE: The semi-official state calendar crafted by Gov. DeSatan, er, DeSantis, commemorating achievements of Florida and Floridians in Black History. If viewed carefully, a subliminal Republican message can be decipher in an attempt to increase Republican votes among black. Interestingly, the calendar also appears to have been vetted and approved of by Tucker Carlson!
AMERICA, Joe Biden is turning us into a bunch of losers and whiners. Not long ago, America LED the World in 'sexy' candies. No one, and I mean no other candy, could match the sexy go-go boots of Ms. m&m. She'd melt my mouth every time I 'kissed' her.
But now, some 'woke' feminist liberal from Mars ( they had to be an illegal alien to attack America's men this way) decided go-go boots were 'inappropriate'.... so they tossed the go-go and shod her in 'sensible' walking shoes. Hell, they're not even kinda sexy cross trainers.
What's WRONG with SEXY? Women, both Humans and Candies, should be sexy, and sexy starts with the shoes. I know this because I once dallied with a woman named Candy Robinson and she wore sexy boots - and fed me Ms. m&m.
In contrast, those damn frozen Swanson TV Dinners, and step-mothers, are not sexy... they're downright frigid...
HINT: "It's not enough sexyness in confectionaries!"
In a press conference shortly after his election, Mr. McCarthy stated: " It took 15 rounds of voting to get my 15 seconds of fame, but it was worth it! I promise my Lord Sauron, er, the American people, that my reign will bring forth a period of 'sauron-ity' never before seen. I WILL keep my 'eye' on all of you...especially you Nancy Pelosi... and any hobbits I see... hmm, Buttigieg seems a little short and does have big feet!
Now, with this, my precious gavel,
I can control all other gavels...
No one will dare challenge me.
.... except, Matt Gaetz and his crowd...."
Guest Editorial By Fox 'News' Host: #Tucker Carlson
Frozen Product of an Unhappy Childhood?
Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson
Rumors are that Tucker pea'd the bed (i.e., he hid the horrible Swanson peas in his bed). To this day, Tucker HATES peas ...
... almost as much as he hates liberals and democrats.
What Is the CAUSE of his Half-Baked Ideas?
Ronald Dion DeSantis, often spelled DeSatan on the internet, was born 1978 in Jacksonville, FL. He was elected as the 46th Governor of Florida in 2018 after serving in the U.S. House of Representative from 2013-18. Governor DeSatan, er, DeSantis, has embraced state government restrictions on corporate and academic freedom of speech, promoted 'official' book banning, the 'white-washing' of history (he doesn't want white students to 'feel bad'), used Florida funds to relocate TEXAS immigrants to Massachusetts, and limited Florida's COVID response while promoting disproven COVID therapies.... all in his first term. DeSatan, er DeSantis, is considered to be a (the?) leading contender for the 2024 Republican nomination for President. If he wins in 2025, Critical Race Theory (CRT) may not be discussed in America, but Critical Race Reality (CRR) will become the national nightmare.
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Newly released Florida promotional poster! Ned Ander-Thal © 2023, World Headline News
SHOCK: St. Valentine's Day Massacre!
Large Number of Americans & House Representatives
Born in in 1969, Tucker lived a privileged childhood until his birth mother fled the family when Tucker was 6 'to live a bohemian life'.
In 1979, his father married Patricia Caroline Swanson, heir to the vast Swanson Frozen dinner fortune. Swanson meals, introduced in 1950, revolutionized home cooking by making oven ready meals to feed the busy household. After the marriage, Tucker and his brother then added "Swanson" to their names.
According to noted genealogist and family counselor Ned Ander-Thal, Ms. Swanson had never learned to cook, and only fed Tucker and his brother Buckley Swanson TV dinners.
Evidence suggest that Tucker's only solace was his maid (a Mrs. Robinson, who was a graduate student) who fed him green m&ms. Now you know the rest of the story....
The WHN & Ned Wish You A Happy Celebration of the Birth of the Baby Darwin!
Born of February 12, 1809
"I was present when he was born; in fact, I brought the tea and crumpets to his mum during birth! I was also honored to paint his baby portrait in 1810/11 (above)! In 1831, as his mentor, I was going to join him on the sailing expedition where he formed his theory of evolution, but I'm afraid of Sea Dogs*."
(*his ship was the H.M.S. Beagle)
Other February Holidays
WHN Party Invitation
Actual Tucker Quote: "M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous!"