February 7, 2021 • Issue 150
The GOP Identity Crisis
A New Party To Arise From The Ashes?
The first casualties are 'traditional' Republicans... i.e., individuals that actually believe in the constitution. However, an unexpected casualty was the branding mascot of the Republican Party: Erwin Elephant, the Republican mascot since 1874. Per the mangers of the NEW party, "We need an AMERICAN mascot. We ain't got no herds of elephants in the US of A, so we need another cute mascot that we can sell on our merchandising... like maybe a squirrel.. naw, we shoot those tree rats... and make stew...."
"Is it because I'm African?"
Almost Washington State (WHN) February 7, 2021. As the much of America adjusts to Democratic President Biden, a significant block within the Republican Party is calling for a revolution.... () .... er, a revolution within the traditional GOP party. Led by Marjorie Taylor-Greene (R-GA) and Lauren Boebert (R-CO), acolytes of Donald Trump (recently revealed to be QAnon Don), a seismic makeover is now ongoing.
As the GOP seeks to rebrand itself, the elephant mascot (since 1874) is now out of a job...
To find a new AMERICAN Mascot, the re-made party held a contest to replace Erwin Elephant. Mr. Rudy Giuliani and Ms. Sidney Powell were put in charge of contest(ed?) voting to insure its integrity. Following certification of the state results (unfortunately, due to irregularities in 47 states, only the votes from Wyoming, Mississippi, and West Wukanda were counted) the top 3 candidates were selected and will be voted on by the Republican members of the House and Senate who voted to challenge the Electoral College results on January 6.
WHN Reporter Ned Ander-Thal was able to obtain (by posing as a delivery driver from Kentucky Fried Chicken) a copy (see left) of the final ballot that will be distributed to the TRUE patriots of the current Republican party. According to Vegas Oddsmakers, it is unlikely that the, otherwise wholly appropriate, Naked Mole Rat (Candidate #1) will win, as it, like the elephant is from the African continent. Similarly, the Elephant Seal (Candidate #2) while having some continuity to the current mascot, has significant (gasp!) Canadian content. Per the Republican co-Chairs, Congresswomen Greene and Boebert, only one mascot is truly and uniquely American..... The Horny QAnon Don!
WHN EXCLUSIVE: QAnon Don: "I support the rebranding of the decrepit Republican Party. We need to dynamite, er, be dynamic, and blow up, er, shake-up, the American political system. I am greater than Lincoln, Reagan and, uh, Putin? Were there other Republican Presidents?" World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Mascot ballot for the re-made Republican Party. Which Mascot Candidate would you choose. Once the mascot has been chosen, the NEXT step will be to replace the Grand Old Party (G.O.P.) nickname with a new, more modern, nickname that speaks to todays Republican voter. World Headline News © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal.
How Will The Grand Old Party (G.O.P.) Speak to Todays Republican Voter?
Choosing The 2021 Logo
The term "Grand Old Party" is a traditional nickname for the Republican Party and the abbreviation "GOP" is a commonly used designation.
The "Grand Old Party" nickname originated in 1875 in the Congressional Record, when referring to the Republican party's role in the successful military defense of the Union. Originally it was "this gallant old party" but morphed into the "grand old party" in 1876.
But times change, the Party of Lincoln, abolitionists, voting rights, and Northerners has changed to the Party of Trump, white supremacists, voter suppression, and Southerners. Hence, the GOP nickname is now seriously outdated and in need of rejuvenation.
Along with the replacement of the outdated AFRICAN elephant as the mascot of the Republican Party, todays membership is striving to replace the 1875 "GOP" with a updated 2021 alternative. To date, four alternatives have been proposed for today's Republican Party.
For the serious student of taxonomy, this is actually an Asian elephant (note it has smaller ear flaps).... but hey, it's still foreign...
QAnon Official Party: A favorite of certain House Representatives, the "QOP" logo is, at least partially, already imprinted into the psyche of many within the Republican base. This logo differs from the "GQP" (below) in that it puts the patriot "Q" first and foremost.
Party of Trump: This logo is the most obvious rebranding effort of today's Republican Party. The affectionately named "FOREVER POTUS" logo is said to be favored at the Mar-a-Lago Shrine. Rumors persist that it was under this banner that the "patriots" of January 6 marched on the Capital in Washington D.C.
Great Coronavirus Party: The most accurate logo representing the major accomplishments of the former "GOP" in 2020. While similar to the original "GOP" logo, the "O" has been replaced by the coronavirus to represent the, as of now, 27+ million Americans infected and 460,000+ American dead.... Don't hold your breath (though that may be safer) that this logo will be selected. Indeed, Representative Taylor-Green states that she is attempting to hijack the kill this logo:
"See, we destroyed the coronavirus! America is coronavirus free and California forests are safe...."
Grandiose Quackery Party: While similar to the "QOP" logo, the "GQP" logo speaks to the core of many within the new Republican party. Symbolizing the "Grandiose Quackery" rampant among influential elements within the Republican base, this symbol reinforces the ongoing censorship of more traditional Republicans by the newly rabid state party apparatuses.
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