2016 DNC Champ!
CRUSHES Socialist Opposition - Wins DNC Crown
Republicans Claim Plagiarism
Crack WHN photographer Captain Ahab Ceely and his able assistant Queequeg, captured (“Thar she blows, my good man grab me a harpoon camera!”) exclusive photos of Ms. Clinton and Mr. Sander's during the bikini competition. Careful analysis of the photo has revealed a surprisingly happy Ms. Clinton, Mr. Sander's supporting the Democratic Candidate for President (or prison per GOP claims) and a very surprising find: Donald Trump spying on the Democratic competition.
Despite the photographic evidence, Donald Trump has vehemently denied being present: “Hey it wasn't me, and if it was me I'm sure I was just taking a gander at the bitch, err, beach.” Despite claiming any knowledge of the event, or any other world event for that matter, Mr. Trump has laid a bold claim of PLAGIARISM against Ms. Clinton: A“Did you see lyin' Hillary's outfit – just like the one Melania wore on in her January 2000 British GQ spread – now that's real plagiarism! I don't know what Sander's was doing…. but I can say he does NOT have small hands. But balls, naw, like all socialists, he's yellow, really yellow. ISIS loves Bernie.”
Following the fantastical charges of plagiarism against Melania Trump, the very real accusations against Ms. Clinton are being taken seriously in Washington D.C. The Republican led House Select Committee for Un-American Activities has announced $50,000,000 of funding to pursue comprehensive public hearings on “Bikini-Gate”. First on the Committee agenda is to visit Mr. Hefner's mansion to do a 'physical' inspection of the grotto facilities used by Ms. Clinton to prepare for the Democratic Convention (Bill gave it a rave review). Melania Trump, when questioned about the claims of Ms. Clinton plagiarism had a blank look on her face and simply uttered, “In the future, I wake up every morning in a house that was built by slaves. Thank you slaves – it will be a nice house once Donald has upgraded it to Park Avenue standards. Just Like Donald, I'm smart and know these things. I never cut class, I loved getting A's, I liked being smart, I liked being on time. I thought being smart is cooler than anything in the world. That's how I got my University Degree in something or another… despite failing tests and not attending more than one year…I think Donald bought the degree for me.”*
July 26, 2016
Surrey (WHN) In an event unquestioned for months (nee, years), an ecstatic Hillary Rodham Clinton has received the nomination for President of the United States from the Democratic Party. While the outcome was not surprising to informed observers, Mr. Bernie Sander's supporters were none-the-less angry as it was Mrs. Clinton's win over Mr. Sanders in the swimsuit completion phase of the convention that clinched the win. Despite Mr. Sander's daring 'au naturale' global warming awareness birthday suit, Ms. Clinton's swimsuit stunned the Democratic delegates. As previously reported (see previous story), sources within the party have reported that Ms. Clinton's campaign team (and Mr. Bill Clinton who conducted an-depth site visit at the grotto) hired famed image consultant, and Democratic fundraiser, Mr. Hugh Hefner to work with her in order to improve Ms. Clinton's competitiveness in the swimsuit competition.
Crack WHN photographer Captain Ahab Ceely and his able assistant Queequeg, captured (“Thar she blows, my good man grab me a harpoon camera!”) exclusive photos of Ms. Clinton and Mr. Sander's during the bikini competition.
* TRUMP 2016 wishes to clarify that Melania stated these comments BEFORE Mrs. Obama's 2016 Democratic speech and will hereby file suit against Mrs. Obama for plagiarism. Similarly, Melania continues to insist in her biography that she has a University degree despite no supporting evidence.
Exclusive to the World Headline News
Exclusive WHN Report:
July 26, 2016 • Issue 76
Q&A With Ned Ander-Thal
Q: Why are American Political Conventions held in July?
A: Because it rhymes with 'You-Lie'