WHN (Surrey) - Two weeks into the reign of Il Trumpe as the 45th President and 1st Executive Dictator of the United States of America, America and the World have officially entered "The Era of HOPE". The "Era of Hope" is, surprisingly, based on the 2008-2016 "Hope" of the Obama era... but with that very special Il Trumpe touch. Gone are the aspiration of immigrants, the poor, and, as will be proven over the next four years, the middle class. Instead, Wall Street Reforms will embolden the downtrodden billionaire and empower the under represented Corporations of America. The environment will benefit from dozens, nay, thousands of new chemicals added to the soil and the water as the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) fulfills its new mission to "purify the regulation books of rules". While "The Era of Hope" began January 20, 2017, it is projected to last to 2020 or even 2024. Foremost in this Era of Hope, citizens of the Worlds nations are collectively encouraged to HOPE that Il Trumpe does NOT do any of the following:
Start a Trade War with _______________________ (choose from: Mexico; China; Canada; Ukraine; California; Switzerland; Lithuania; Japan; South Korea; Liechtenstein; Norway; Andorra; All of the Above)
Start a Real War with _______________________ (choose from: Mexico; China; Canada; Iran; Syria; North Korea; Ukraine; California; Lithuania; Cuba; South Korea; Australia; Country X; All of the Above).
Start a Twitter War with _______________________ (choose from: Rosie O'Donnell; China; Mexico; Pope Francis; Canada; Iran; Syria; North Korea; Ukraine; California; Lithuania; Cuba; South Korea; Australia; Any Federal Judge; Taco Bell; El Pollo Loco; That Mexican-looking guy at Home Depot; That Mexican-Looking Guy at the Mexican Embassy; That Democrat who disagreed with him; That Republican who Disagreed with him; That woman he thinks is ugly; That woman who thinks he is ugly; That woman who expects equal rights; That Muslim; Those Muslims; Ned Ander-Thal; All of the Above).
Join a Country Club with _______________________ (choose from: Vladimir Putin; Kim Jong Un; Rodrigo Duterte; Marine LePen; Steve Bannon; Alex Jones; All of the Above).
Have a "Love Child" with _______________________ (choose from: Kellyanne Conway; Ann Coulter; Laura Ingraham; Marine LePen; Ivanka Trump; Monica Crowley; Anna Chapman; Any or All of the Above)
February 4, 2017 • Issue 89
Exclusive to the World Headline News
U.S. Post Office To Issue FIRST Ever Stamp of Living and Serving President
The 45 cent stamp is being issued to commemorate the coronation of Donald J. Trump, affectionately known as "Il Trumpe", as the 45th President of the United States of America. Outgoing Postmaster General Sid Ander-Thal stated, "While the 45 cent stamp is insufficient for 1st class postage (currently at 49 cents), we feel that the rate is reflective of Mr. Trumps potential to be a first class President."
Mr. Trump, while impressed with the Ander-Thal art found on the stamp, felt that the denomination was too low, "It should have been worth $8,000,000,000 dollars! I hope that ex-Postmaster General Ander-Thal enjoys his accommodations in Guantanamo. I've heard the beans and rice are great and will help him build stamina for the water-boarding." Incoming Postmaster General, and former boxer (Job Qualifications per Mr. Trump: he could really deliver those punches), Mike Tyson states that the stamps valuation will be fixed in the next printing making the current Ander-Thal version even more valuable!
In a clear demonstration of unbridled Executive power by the U.S. Federal Government, Donald J. Trump signed his 15,724th Executive Order since assuming the Presidency. The order allows for the "appropriation of any and all past, current and future intellectual property and artwork produced by Mr. Ned Ander-Thal or the World Headline News of Surrey, B.C., Canada, that pertains to Donald J. Trump's likeness, thoughtfulness, thoughtlessness, and all sundry acts deeds, misdemeanors, felonies (past and future) and any other damn thing Il Trumpe wants."
Among the first uses of the misappropriated "Ander-Thals" is a commemorative stamp being issued by the U.S. Post Office to honor the elevation of Mr. Trump to the exulted office of "IL Trumpe". The U.S. Post Office, through its marketing partner, Trump International, is offering the stolen art a limited edition commemorative stamp to the public for the one time price of $6,987.02 (US Dollars only).
Limited Edition WHN Commemorative Print of Il Trumpe, the 45th President and 1st Executive Dictator of the United States of America. Available to subscribers only. Please send $12.95 and a stamped, self-addressed, 8x10" envelope to the WHN. Be sure to indicate if you wish the glossy or matte version. DISCLAIMER: The WHN makes no promises that the delivery of the item will not be accompanied by a visit from the US Secret Service (waterboarding included) or an angry tweet from Il Trumpe himself. Item is fulfilled from Canada and subject to seizure at "The Wall".
The Era of HOPE Begins
WHN Washington Bureau UPDATE
FREE TO SUBSCRIBERS: Demonstrate your patriotism to family, friends, corporations and government agencies! Select the stamp and then "Save As" (or drag it) to your desktop. Print, cut out and affix to envelopes as desired! Be sure to use appropriate LEGAL postage because Il Trumpe (the stamp) isn't legal.
All Hail The All Powerful Il Trumpe!
From the Official Files of the
Photo: Anonymous via Facebook
The Bowling Green Massacre
In May 2011 thousands of fundamentalist Christians were killed and millions maimed by two Muslim terrorists, or maybe they were Mexican bad hombres... or maybe CNN journalists. We are not sure of all the "truths" because the main street media refused to cover this horrendous event. Sources within the Trump Whitehouse confidently state the lack of "truths" was due to the main street media being paid off by Hillary Clinton, or maybe George Soros, or maybe that Kenyan Barack Obama. But the Massacre was real and we now know all about it because of that brave provocations of American Patriot Kellyanne Conway. We at the WHN salute her.
Commemorative Plaque: Bowling Green, Kentucky
(I HOPE he doesn't destroy America)