WHITE HOUSE NEWS
The Woяking Class Pяesident
Exclusive to the World Headline News
May 12, 2018 • Issue 104
Almost Washington State (WHN) Unbeknownst to most Americans, Pяesident TяUMP is NOT your typical Billionaire who lounges within the comforts afforded by luxurious seaside retreats (clearly NOT Mar-a-Lago) and Playboy Playmates (clearly NOT Stephanie Daniels) . No, the President works hard to stay in touch with the 'common man'. But, as our readers must imagine, this is difficult for the MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD.
White House Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee-Sanders spills the beans exclusively to WHN EDITOR Ned Ander-Thal about the "REAL Donald": "Pяesident TяUMP is a champion for the common man. Fortunately, Mr. TяUMP is blessed with good friends such as Michael Cohen, his loyal, very loyal, personal lawyer and fixer. Did I mention how LOYAL Mr. Cohen better be, er, IS. Anyway, despite the "FAKE NEWS" spread by CNN and the Washington Post that he spends the majority of his time golfing at Tяump Resorts®, he is actually driving cabs for Michael Cohen's taxi company so that he can stay in touch with the common man... and pick up some spare change for his 'Stormy Day Fund'.
Mr. Cohen, owner of several New York taxi cabs, has, at great taxpayer expense (using the standard TяUMP rate of $130,000 per ride), arranged for the President to drive weekend shifts in the Bronx. During these trips Mr. TяUMP culls the feelings of the 'common man' (NOTE: Melania has recently initiated a 'no-touch' policy for the 'common girl') ... finding out what he wants, what he fears, and what he'll settle for. An additional benefit for Pяesident TяUMP is that these shifts allows him relax and literally let out his belt and just be himself. "There is nothing better than feeling that hot air raising off the sweet smelling asphalt and warming the ol'beer belly" stated a relaxed, post-shift, TяUMP. Also surprising to our readers is Mr. TяUMP love for fine tattoos - especially spider and barbwire motifs. Per Mr. TяUMP, "I got the big spider tat, or maybe it's crabs, in Vegas when I was checking out some fine pornos, er, exploring alternative cinema. Man, and don't I look trim, fit and FINE in these duds! I hate those chi-chi TяUMP Apparel® suits I gotta wear in 'The Big House' - the one in DC, not Attica, NY."
When asked what he had learned driving a taxi, Mr. TяUMP stated, "Russians are BIG tippers and I should have shut up when I was driving that DC lawyer guy Mueller to the Federal Courthouse... man that guy asked a lot of questions... and he don't tip. I need my Stormy Day Fund." When contacted for a comment, current (?) White House Chief of Staff John Kelly stated, "Thank god I'm out of the loop... please help me escape....".
Pяesident TяUMP , champion for the common man, deals with everyday problems like an overheated taxi and an overly nosy customer ("Hey, you talkin' to me?!") on the busy streets of the Bronx. Despite the "FAKE NEWS" that he spends the majority of his time golfing at Tяump Resorts®, he is actually driving taxis for Michael Cohen so that he can stay in touch with the common citizen... and pick up some spare change for his 'Stormy Day Fund'.
Photo by Jeff and then Ned Ander-Thal
Surprising his critics who often claim that Mr. TяUMP can't read, much less write, the Pяesident and his longtime collaborator, er, collusionist, um, partner, uhh, coauthor Vladimir Putin have release a new spy novel entitled "Tяumpty Dumpty"
The complex plot is metaphorically based on the 2016 American election in which the the key plot line is "Who is the Enemy of the State and what State are we talking about". Centered on the battle between the Nasty Bandido Clintonistas and the underdog Tяumpovites the fate of the nation rests upon the construction of "THE WALL". Using ancient Soviet blueprints for the Berlin wall smuggled by a secret mole within the Russian political hierarchy, the Tяumpovites fight to recreate THE WALL to protect America from the mongrel hordes of Bandido Clintonistas flowing north from the wild southern frontier borderlands. But are the Clintonistas evil, or are the Tяumpovites being played by the Russians? Can All-The-King's men put democracy together again, and do they even want to? The intrigue, sex, and ending will surprise and shock the reader. Future 'collaborations' by the authors are very anxiously awaited ... and feared ... by many in the publishing world.
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