Russia, Russia, Russia
Exclusive to the World Headline News
Exclusive WHN Report:
The Trumpkin Bunch:
Moscow on the Potomac
"Russia, Russia, Russia"
Donald J.* Trumpkin
* Jan: in homage to Jan Brady of the Brady Bunch
July 27, 2017 • Issue 95
Ned Ander-Thal's Review of: The Trumpkin Bunch: Moscow on the Potomac
Is it a documentary, a drama, a tragedy, a comedy or all of the above? The answer my Friends, and Comrades, dependes on you....
Top Row (L to R): Ivanka Trumpkin, Donald J.* Trumpkin, and Donald J. Trumpkin, Jr.; Middle Row: Natalia Veselnitskaya and Sergey Kislyak; Bottom Row (L to R): Melania Trumpkin, Vladamir Putin, and Jared Kushner
Trump: "The Trumpkin Bunch is #1"
Trump: "Getting Back To My Basics: Reality TV!"
Capital Dome Replacement Project
Expected completion date July 2020. Architectural Design by Vlad M.R. Poutine and Associates. Managed by Trump International Hotels. Funded by the American Taxpayer (well at least those in the lower 95% income tax brackets).
In Totally Unrelated News (?)
Trump Announces NEW Capital Dome Replacement Project
"It's fantastic! Designed by my best Bro - talented guy, who knows how to 'deal' with the press and their totally true 'fake news'."
Moscow, err, Washington, D.C. - In an attempt to bolster sagging public approval ratings, new White House Communication Director Anthony 'The Mooch' Scaramucci has announced a drastic change to the President's communication strategy. According to The Mooch, President Trump is going to directly communicate with his adoring public by not just Twitter, but also by his return to REALITY TV!
In his first on-on-one interview with the 'main stream' national press, The Mooch sat down with ace WHN Entertainment Reporter Ned Ander-Thal. Per The Mooch, “Frankly Trump's ratings are in the dumps. It seems that some, soon to be former, voters… I mean we do have President Trump's Commission on Election Integrity weeding out the undesirable …and maybe 2 or 3 fraudulent…voters… of this great country of ours don't realize the magnitude of the things that Trump is doing to this country.” To address this failure to communicate, The Mooch forced Sean Spicer out and brought in a little known French-Canadian to write and co-produce the new Trump reality TV show “The Trumpkin Bunch: Moscow on the Potomac!”. Indeed, Mr. Vlad M.R. Poutine, a putative French-Canadian from Montreal, has been quietly rumored to be the head writer and co-Executive Producer alongside with Mr. Trump
The decision, according to The Mooch, to go with a 'Russian theme' was driven by reports “that the public loves that 'Russian crap'…. Russian dressing, Russian brides, Russian caviar, Russian collusion…. In fact, all The Donald can say is Russia, Russia, Russia.... usually followed by Fake news, fake news, fake news”. Unconfirmed reports by some news sources (Trump, "I'm looking at you Amazon Washington Post") report that financing for the project was also provided in Russian Rubles. But in line with Mr. Trump's “America First” initiative, the show also needed a truly 'American twist'. Fortunately, the 'all knowledgable' President Trump [EDITOR: Hey, he's just like Kim Jong-un!] came to the rescue. Per The Mooch, “Mr. Trump is a HUGE TV fan and spends 12-14 hours a day watching TV – all kinds of TV… provided it's on Fox News or on a vintage TV network like “MeTV” or “Déjà View TV”. If fact, one of The Donald's favorite shows is the Brady Bunch. Funny enough, The Donald actually asked Marcia [Maureen McCormick] out in 1972 just after she turned 16 - a legal age in some country some where. Anyways, The Donald says, 'Hey, we got a FANTASTIC cast, the BEST CAST EVER, what with those talented Russians the Vlad somehow lined up, and my own kids - sorry Tiffany, not you - we can be like one big happy family – just like the Bradys.”. So since we got us this big house in DC The Donald said he wanted do a cool mashup between the “Brady Bunch” and “Moscow on the Hudson”. According to The Mooch, "The Donald insisted he play the crazy Robin Williams character because, well, he's crazy He also insisted that the"Vlad" character be mashed up with the Carol Brady role so that he could just walk randomly into the ladies dressing room just like at Ms. Universe [Editor, so why all Trump's angst to Transgender military personnel??] . Ironically, Vlad M.R. Poutine, despite being named Vlad, will play the Mike Brady character. Kind of like "Murdoch Mysteries" where the actor Lachlan Murdoch plays Constable Higgins, not Detective Murdoch, ironic, eh? So there ya go, the genius behind “The Trumpkin Bunch: Moscow on the Potomac” reality TV show.
Surprisingly, not everyone seems to be happy with the White House's communication strategy. Democrats (“Always the critic” per The Mooch) have almost universally raged against the early episodes. Senator Chuck Schumer flatly stated, “Donald Trump is no Robin Williams and frankly the lead writer/producer, Mr. Vlad M.R. Poutine, has grossly subverted the American way and made it way to 'Red' – I mean that is the color of the Canadian flag right? And what's with the Russians, can The Donald hire American actors… not to mention the nepotism of hiring his kids….” Even some Republicans have expressed 'less-than-positive' opinions on the show as it has played out to date. Alaska Senator Lisa Murowski bluntly stated that “The show lacks depth, compassion and sanity. Moreover, I've heard Sarah Palin can see half the cast from the front porch of her house in Wasilla”. But Trump, undeterred, states “We have the BIGGEST rating ever. Right now 323 million Americans tune in anxiously each and very day to catch clips from our show. Our overseas numbers are even bigger – probably the hugest ever seen in this Universe. I've heard some people say that “The Trumpkins: Moscow on the Potomac” is must see TV in places like the Kremlin, Tehran, Pyongyang and Kansas. We have a 4 year commitment from ALL the networks for the show and I am actively negotiating with my Russian funders for an additional 4 year extension.”
July 4, 2020