Winter is Coming...
November 8, 2016
Winter is Coming...
Supporting 'Little Fingers' in his quest for the Iron, nee GOLD, Throne is Lady Sara Palin, the former Governess of the Lands of Always Winter (located somewhere Beyond the Great Northern Wall that guards most of the 50 KINGDOMS from the Wilding People of Canada). The ever enthusiastic and semi-coherent Lady Sara has told the WHN that, "'Little Fingers' is both a Maverick and a Demi-God. This self-made success of his [ 'Little Fingers' ], you know that he doesn't get his power, his high, off of opium – other peoples money – like a lot of the previous dopes on the Iron Throne. In the name of the Old Gods and the New Gods, Trump and his trumpeters, well, they are right-wingin' bitter-clingin', proud clingers of our guns and gods.” Others such as Sir Christie of New Jersey Shores claims, “The great Trump will build a great Southern Wall to match the Northern Wall to keep both WINTER and SUMMER from afflicting the 50 KINGDOMS. He clearly must be a Demi-God because he live in Manhattan and I'm only from New Jersey... and it's hard to get to Manhattan especially when I order the bridges to go from 6 lanes to 1 lane...!” While virtually all the people of the 50 KINGDOMS and beyond agree that 'Little Fingers' is a 'something inhuman', there is great debate as to how to spell this 'something': "Demi-God" or "Demagogue".
Demagogue Not Demi-God?
Despite the claims of 'Little Fingers' Trump and his supporters, not all of the people of the 50 KINGDOMS support his quest for the Iron Throne. Many people claim that the succession of 'Little Fingers' to the Iron Throne may foretell the doom of the 50 KINGDOMS. Indeed, according to WHN's wizened old soothsayer, the Wizard of Surrey, Ned Ander-Thal*, “Winter is Coming®”. Using state of the art frog bellies, eye of newt, CNN, BBC, CBC, ABC, CBS, NBC (but not FOX) and Federal election code, the Wizard of Surrey has predicted that, should Little Fingers' Trump win the Iron Throne, a change in climate will catastrophically occur on a specific date: November 8, 2016 – though the Wizard claims that the first truly “hellish cold” day will be January 20, 2017. Using the magic of dragon's breath, Prozac, gin, photos and shops, the Wizard of Surrey has conjured and then captured, exclusively for the readers of the WHN, an image of the future (above).
August 11, 2016
Surrey (WHN) Despite the current warm embrace of the sun, signs of impending doom have begun to appear. Crows fly south and Donald 'Little Fingers' (per Knight Errant Marko Rubio) Trump is running for succession to the Iron Throne of the 50 KINGDOMS. Many within the 50 KINGDOMS, and associated vassal states (e.g., Puerto Rico, Guam) claim that Mr. Trump is a demagogue unsuited for the Iron Throne. 'Little Fingers' Trump denies this: “You and the rest of the 'mainstream press' have misquoted all these people because, honestly, the system is rigged. People everywhere are saying that I'm a Demi-God. And last time I looked, being a Demi-God is good. That bitch, I mean Witch, that Blue Witch Hillary, now she is evil and evil is bad. I'm God and she's evil – simple as that. When I sit on the Iron, no make that GOLD, Throne, I will be the best leader ever for the 50 KINGDOMS. I will, or I'll have my Second Amendment friends, slay Hillary just as my ancestor King Drumph slew Ned Stark. I will slay her so bad and then I'll use her head as a footstool. You know, I do kinda like to walk all over people - especially uppity women.”
Donald Trump: Demi-God ?
* Ned Ander-Thal is the great grandson of Ned Stark who was beheaded by 'Little Fingers' Grandfather King Drumph the Dumb. Ned Stark was among the first to prophesize that “Winter is Coming®”.
"I WILL Rule The 50 KINGDOMS!"
The WHN has approached both 'Little Fingers' and the Blue Witch Hillary for comments on the Wizard of Surrey conjuring. 'Little Fingers' was very pleased with the Future as foreseen by the Wizard of Surrey: "First I look very, very good in that suit and tie. I believe that is a Trump Collection suit and tie that is available exclusively from Trump.com. This clothing will, almost single handedly, make the 50 KINGDOMS Great Again©. I know that they are currently made by wildings in the nether regions, but when I implement my foreign policy, all the nether regions will be vassal states to the 50 KINGDOMS. I'm looking at you Mexico and you Lithuania. I also particularly like my shoes. You can see I just polished them with the blood of Hillary. And the Throne, no more Iron, now it's pure GOLD just like I am. My hair, it is pure GOLD threads." The Blue Witch Hillary was somewhat less enthusiastic over the conjured image: "While I'm happy that I've lost some weight in the image, I'm not sure that I like 'Little Fingers' suit. Also, I like to think that I am blue-blooded, not red blooded. No my husband Bill is truly a red-blooded male who just loves to sow the fields. Me I'm blue blooded.... maybe that's why I come off cold to so many people."
However, for the people of the 50 KINGDOMS it may not matter who sits on the Iron/GOLD Throne as neither 'Little Fingers' nor the Blue Witch are the leader they need. Winter is Coming® ...
Ned Ander-Thal, WHN Soothsayer
The Wizard of Surrey
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August 11, 2016 • Issue 79