Exclusive to the
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June 16, 2019 • Issue 115
Almost Washington State (WHN) June 16, 2019. In an exclusive, though bitter-sweet, interview with the WHN, Sarah Huckabee-Sanders (known to our readers as the 'Huckabeast') announced her departure from the Trump Administration: "It's been my pleasure to serve the President as he has transformed America from a caring and inclusive society to one that rewards only the 'RIGHT' people. I have taken extreme pleasure in aiding the President as he has spread the 'alternative facts' necessary for the 'conversion therapy' to work its magic. But I feel the time has come to return to Arkansas and spend quality time with my kids in our spacious Double-Wide on the Huckabee Hog Farm. I will continue to aid the President where I can, mostly as a highly paid contributor to FOX News. I will always remember what Mr. Trump told me in 2015, 'Sarah, there is no "I" in team; only an "m" and an "e" which is "me". ONLY me, The Donald, is important.... I also want to get back to the land I love so that I can be close to the grave of my murdered first husband - the man who taught me what 'SO HAPPY' is...".
Sarah, we are sure that someone will miss you and.... WAIT A SECOND..... FIRST HUSBAND ?!?
'FABLED' Moments of a 'STORIED' Career as Trump Spokesperson
STAR SEARCH 2019: Who Will Replace the
Un-Replaceable Sarah Huckabee-Sanders?
Bye-Bye Miss American Lie
Bye, Bye Miss American Lie
By Ned Ander-Thal
A long long time ago
I can still remember how
The Presidency me smile
And I knew if they had a chance
That they would make the people dance
And maybe we'd be happy for a while
But Sarah, for Trump, has made me shiver
With every Trump lie she'd deliver
Bad news with goose-stepping
And the Constitution can't stand anymore stripping
We can't remember when she didn't lie
Especially since FOX News made those lies
Something ached deep inside
The day the truth died
Bye, bye Miss American Lie
Drove us crazy with DEM lies leaving no eyes dry
Them good ole lies make DEMs drink whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that Sarah don't lie...
With Apologies to
The Secret FIRST Marriage of Sarah Huckabee-Droopy
MURDER of First Husband Droopy - Who Taught Her To Be 'SO HAPPY' - Still Haunts Her
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Investigative Reporter Ned Ander-Thal has located the elusive Las Vegas Honeymoon photo of Sarah and first husband, Hollywood Legend, 'Droopy' at their Vegas Wedding Chapel.
©1998 The WHN Tattler
*TRUE FACT: Sarah Huckabee's brother David was fired as a Boy Scout counselor in 1998 for killing, and potentially torturing, a stray dog that wondered onto camp property . Claims have been made that then Governor Huckabee obstructed the investigation into charges of Animal Cruelty by the State Police - a claim he, and Sarah, deny as "FAKE NEWS".
Almost Washington State (WHN) June 16, 2019. Rumors abound that Ms. Huckabee's "SO HAPPY" demeanor came from her first marriage in early 1998, at age 15 - ancient by some Arkansas bible belt standards - to another, albeit transplanted, Arkansas hillbilly (surprisingly NOT Bill Clinton). The Arkansas Hound Dog was in fact, Droopy, an aging, ex-actor famous in some of the more animated circles during Hollywood's Golden Era. Fed up with Hollywood's 'bitches' [Editor: a non-pejorative word for a female dog] like Lassie, Droopy longed for a simple 'country bitch girl'.
Per the date stamp on the photo discovered in the archives of the The WHN Tattler, the wedding was held April 1, 1998 - well after Droopy's prime Hollywood career and just before Sarah reached Arkansas 'spinster status'. Contemporaneous reports in the well respected (and WHN subsidiary) The WHN Tattler indicated that both Mr. and Mrs. Droopy were ecstatic each stating "I'm so happy". Per the Tattler's story, Bill and Hillary Clinton attended the wedding and gave the "SO HAPPY" couple a Double-Wide Trailer (i.e., an Arkansas Mega-Mansion) on some prime real estate at their Whitewater properties. Claims now denied by Ms. Huckabee.
However, despite such a "SO HAPPY" beginning, evidence uncovered by the WHN suggests that the marriage was doomed from the start as certain Huckabee family members objected to Sarah's marriage to a 'dirty dog' from Hollywood [EDITOR: there is evidence that, in his waning Hollywood years, Droopy acted in pornographic films to feed his "kibble habit"]. The Right Reverend and Governor Mike Huckabee and his family were said to be quite upset upon discovery of Droopy's unsavory past. Per Sarah's slightly older brother David, "He t'was just like all dem Holly-Wood dogs, goin' and rolling in crap and eatin' disgusting stuff. Ya can take da dog outa Holly-Wood, but ya can't take Holly-Wood outa da dog..." After only a few months of marital bliss, Droopy was found murdered in rural Arkansas in August 1998 under very mysterious circumstance. Knowledgable sources state that Droopy's death may have been and example of "Arkansas Justice" for marrying Sarah and showing her the evils sights of Las Vegas. Evidence gathered at the time pointed towards Sarah's older bother David who was working in the area. [*EDITOR: See below note] Droopy was murdered while out for a hike when, after all he was a dog, he strayed into the Boy Scout Camp at which his brother-in-law David Huckabee was a counselor. Following an abortive (no longer allowed in Arkansas) investigation, that was possibly obstructed (now legal in the United States) by then Governor Mike Huckabee, no criminal charges were filed against David Huckabee and the world remains unclear as to the day Droopy died.
However, in 2015 as the widowed, and now remarried, Sarah Huckabee-Droopy-Sanders began her ascent to power, alongside Donald Trump, the circumstance of her first marriage, and Droopy's death, became a concern. Consequent to the date of the marriage (April 1, 1998), supporters of Sarah (Including Mr. Trump) are claiming that it was a sham wedding. Per Mr. Trump, "FAKE NEWS. Just like the fake news media claims I've been married 3 times, fooled around with Playmates, beauty contestants, and, well, lots of others, I know that Sarah has never been happy - just look at that face - and could not have been married to Droopy." Despite these denials, noted psychologist Dr. Phil (better known as Punxsutawney Phil) states that "There is clear evidence that Sarah's always "SO HAPPY" demeanor was clearly grained during her brief marriage to the Hollywood legend Droopy.... it may also explain the eye.....".
Almost Washington State (WHN) June 15, 2019. Las Vegas casinos have now opened betting on "Who Will Replace Sarah Huckabee-Sanders".
After an exhaustive review of potential candidates [e.g., Rosanne Barr; Ann Coulter; Laura Ingraham; Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf (Saddam Husseins information manager)] the WHN has elected to support the appointment of Kellyanne Conway to the position. The WHN can think of no other candidate that could bring the same (semi-occasional) presence to the Press Room that Sarah managed. According to sources in the White House, Kellyanne has indeed been auditioning for her ; though some disagreement exists as to what that job really is...
to LEAVE Whitehouse for
Arkansas Single DOUBLE Wide
"Place Your Bet!"
One Chief Executive tweets:
"Nothing makes me more HAPPY than alternative facts ..."
A Smile To Melt Your Heart....
Bye-Bye Miss American Lie