Merry Trump Xmas
Surrey (WHN) Americans are a giving people, but surprisingly, statistics indicate that 99% of Americans can, and should, give more to help out that 1% of Americans suffering at the hands of 'financial abuse'. By simply giving up your rights to affordable health care, university education, and social services, you can HELP these unfortunate souls. These are PEOPLE who suffer because their private Lear jets must be paid for fully out of pocket (gasp!). These are PEOPLE whose children must pay millions in DEATH TAXES when a billionaire parent passes. Most importantly, these are the PEOPLE who contribute BIG dollars to the campaign coffers of the Republican party.
Simply by giving up your local and state tax deductions, your deduction for interest on your primary residence, your claims to any government benefits, you can HELP the Fortunate 1%.
Exclusive to the World Headline News
Exclusive WHN Report:
December 2, 2017 • Issue 97
America’s Abused 1% Needs Your HELP!
Please Help “The Donald” Give a BIG KISS to Those Who “Make America Great Again” This Christmas Season
Flynn Indicted & Pleads Guilty to Lying to FBI and Ties To Russian Officials
Trumps Says "Flynn Who?"
She didn't actually say that verbatim - but close!
Rest assured that your GIFTS to the 1% of Advantaged Citizens will not go unrewarded. Introducing "The Free HEAT Program". To make this a WARM holiday, Republicans have made a fantastic deal with ’S. Claus Energy Enterprises’ of Shelbyville, Kentucky to provide 99% of LEGAL Americans with a lump of coal. This gift is a beautiful glossy black and, most importantly to AMERICA, provides PROFITS to mine owners who have suffered at the hands of past Presidents (Nixon, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, and Bush; as well as that illegal guy Obama), clean energy terrorists, Union disruptions, environmental regulations (clean water is overrated when champagne is available), and safety regulations. Indeed, these PROFITS are now magnified due to advances in robotics so that the need for labor (i.e., people - hence Union problems) are vastly reduced. But this gift is also practical as it can provide HEAT when, due to our tax changes, you can either no longer afford to heat your home, or you are living on the street due to foreclosure.
Compliments of Donald J. Trump
Just in Time for
Christmas and Winter
and just delivered to WHN Editor and Publisher
In a further consolidation of key government roles in the hands of President Trump's immediate family, Ivanka has been placed in charge of the "Extreme Vetting” of canine terrorists (Mr. Kushner remains Chief Dog Catcher). Ms. Trump, a Graduate of the Papa Doc School of Nursing (Port-au-Prince, Haiti) says, "This is something I'm well trained for, I can neuter all those evil mongrels from Syria, North Korea as well as south of the border (“Go ahead, make my day you evil and very damp chihuahua. I mean it is wet….”) to make sure that the American family is protected. Moreover, because Germany and England have recently made papa mad, special attention will be paid to German Shepherds and English Sitters, English Bulldogs and English muffins. I plan to use the same distemper vaccine I use on my Father - though I have to admit that this particular vaccine has not proven effective on him...
In a more offensive move, Don Jr. states that he and Eric plan to hunt down the evil dogs, “We did it to members of the feline family, so we can also do it to canines. Look for our trophy posts on Facebook and the Official White House website.” Ivanka Trump wants to assure the American public that this will be done in a responsible manner and that all canine pelts will be used in the Signature Ivanka Trump Winter Coat Collection because she heard that it was going to be a “ruff” winter. Melania is very much looking forward to Christmas and her new fur coat, "I prefer Pekingese... it's so exotic and asianny. I don't want the 'Hairless Chihuahua' coat that "The Donald" is so fixated on... even though he says Mexico will pay for it."
When questioned about the new extreme vetting policy, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly stated, “Why me, why me, why me, why me.” Similar sentiments have been expressed by over 60% of the American public.
Keeping America Safe
This Holiday Season
America’s Canines Worried
T'was the Night Before Christmas and
Not A creature Was Stirring...
Except for the Dogs of War!
Donald J. Trumpe
@realdonaldtrump: “Dogs are evil, almost as evil as Obama. Dogs MUST be subjected to extreme vetting to make sure they are safe and ….”
Donald J. Trumpe
@realdonaldtrump: “… I know that this must be done by highly trained people and by that I mean people I know. No dirty dogs in the White House.”
Merry 'Trumponian' Christmas
‘Warm’ Greetings to Most!
and Cash Gifts to the 1%…
I'm a Winner!
Finally a chance to get a win in congress...
Who cares if America loses....
are pleading for your
AMERICA’S ABUSED 1%
But, this might not be enough. This coming election season, be sure to vote Republican, because only with your vote can we dismantle Social Security, Medicare, and higher education. Did you know that Social Security payments have NO PROFIT MOTIVE (!) and can't be exploited? Private enterprise is currently frozen out of making money by helping you, the 99%, invest in ill-conceived financial boondoggles that only generate money for the 1%. This selfish system must change: Help the 1% create the “Personal Investment Accounts” that can be 'mismanaged for management profit' ensuring that you will, in your golden years, become imbued with religious fervor so that you enter fundamentalist Church soup kitchens for meager nourishment and political enlightenment since, under the tax bill, churches can become politically active. This "budgetary" change reverses, in large part, 1930-70 era laws and Supreme Court actions (as well as a specific 1954 law - the Johnson Amendment) prohibiting significant political activity (agitation) by tax-exempt groups - you know, kind of like separating church and state. If the Johnson Amendment is repealed, pastors/imans/shamans/ would be able to endorse candidates directly from the pulpit, which they’re currently not allowed to do by law. Long Live the American Theocracy.
GERMAN Shepherd or GERMAN Terrorist?
Almost Washington State (WHN) In a shocking development Michael Flynn pled guilty to lying to the FBI with regards to his contact with Russian Officials on behalf of the Trump Campaign and Transition Team.
"This has nothing to do with President Trump. Mr. Trump is uncertain if he ever even met Mr. Flynn, whom he believes was employed by a Kenyan and former, albeit illegitimate, Chief Executive of the U.S.A. This is nothing but a witch hunt; and I should know because I am a witch... or something that rhymes with that...."
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, White House Press Secretary
A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS MESSAGE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE
Almost Washington State (WHN) Unencumbered by the worries of the Presidency, Donald J. Trump is aggressively pursuing his classical, television-based, education. A recent 2 a.m. graduate-level course in military history introduced Mr. Trump to the canine threat facing America. In the acclaimed 1980 documentary “The Dogs of War” Mr. Trump discovered, to his displeasure, that dogs are terrorists; a finding further corroborated by the riveting 1992 documentary “Beethoven” in which a terroristic St. Bernard causes mayhem…. and laughs. In light of these shocking findings, the White House tweeted (i.e., issued a far reaching policy statement) that:
"I know this will warm my heart and cardboard box house!"