WHN EXCLUSIVE: Former Vice President Mike Pence's crippled campaign came to an early end as Mr. Trump literally took the leg (singular) out under of Mr. Pence's run for the nomination. © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News
TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP
Almost Washington State (WHN) November 20, 2023. As American Thanksgiving approaches, Donald J. Trump has much to be thankful for. Despite being months away from the first Republican primary, Mr. Trump appears to have the nomination locked up... provide he is not locked up before the August 2024 republican convention.The most recent victim of Mr. Trump is his former Vice President as Mike Pence announce the suspension of his campaign for the presidential nomination. Per Mr. Pence, "I just can run anymore. The Don has kneecapped me and I found my campaign hobbling along while he ran away with the nomination.... and my left leg. Mother said that I should quite while I'm still alive. Being a boring hero of democracy for upholding the constitution just doesn't sway todays Republican voters. They want 'red meat' and The Don delivers."
November 20, 2023 • Issue 179 (of 200?)
Exclusive to the
World Headline News
'Very Fine People' Pushing TRUMP To the TOP!
Will Impending Ecological Disaster Force Divergent Versions of Personal Transportation
The Biden GREEN MACHINE
The 'Biden-Bubblemobile' is both ecologically and economically sustainable achieving an average equivalent of 1,000 miles per gallon. Operates via extraction of toxic flammable gases from the atmosphere which are converted to water and oxygen by its fuel cell technology to help restore the planet's atmosphere. An environmental containment bubble protects the occupant from toxic gases, corrosive rain and, in light of events in Europe and the Middle East, even radioactive fallout. The optional 'Earth Helmet' and 'Earth Suit' (shown in photo) can also be worn. The 'Earth Helmet' provides soothing Yanni music to drown out cyclonic winds while the 'Earth Suit' provides temperature control and sanitary containment of excrement upon 'PREDATOR' encounters. The 'Earth Suit' provides additional protection should the vehicle breakdown during solar flares, category 5, maybe even the new category 7, hurricanes, nuclear shockwaves, or, worst of all, falling avocado toast during your commute. CAUTION: this slow moving vehicle is MAGA prone to predation.
The Trump MAGA MEAN MACHINE
Affectionately named the PREDATOR, it operates on oil, coal and french fry derived high octane gasolines. Under optimum conditions (i.e., not moving), it can achieve the equivalent of a lofty 2.7 miles per gallon. By design, it spews large clouds of toxic emissions to further 'own the libs' and, importantly, to provide the necessary smoke screen when fleeing the F.B.I. after your most recent insurrection. Equipped with a flag pole to proudly display your political alliance it also comes with a 50 caliber machine gun to forcibly exert your Second Amendment rights in order to enforce your political agenda. Provides a standing platform so as to achieve a chemical-induced bronze glow to the skin similar to that of the 'Dear Leader'. An all terrain vehicle that can chase down political and cultural opponents - especially those in the slow moving Biden-mobile. CAUTION: this vehicle is known to operate erratically and steer irrationally.
WHICH ONE WILL BE YOUR NEXT CAR?
"Man, I love this car! I'm glad 'Corn Pop' ain't here to steal it!"
"Man, I love this car! I'm gonna own, maybe even severely wound, the libs with this beauty!"
Almost Washington State (WHN) November 20, 2023. Its fall and that means it is NEW CAR SEASON. While the last three years have been plagued by shortages of the most popular models, 2024 promises to be full of lots of new and exciting models. However, many of the new cars being introduced have been influenced by the impending environmental, or is that political, armageddon! Not surprisingly, America's two 'favorite' political parties have jumped in on the action with their own unique (and exciting?) 2024 models.
Mr. Trump stated: "While I barely know Mr. Pence, I think I sometimes saw him hanging around the water cooler during filming of the Government Apprentice [2016-2020], he doesn't have the killer instinct you need in government. Republicans want leaders who show no mercy, don't compromise, and don't let votes get in the way of what I WANT." When asked by WHN political reporter Ned Ander-Thal to explain his domination of the Republican primary to date, Mr Trump responded, "Very fine people who believe in maintaining the purity of America's blood lines and ridding AMERICA of vermin are pushing me to the top. They were there at my Charlottesville Unite the Right Rally in 1920, er, 2017 and they were there at my "Steal the Election Insurrection" on January 6, 2021. Very fine people indeed and I shall see that only 'very fine people' are American citizens. "
Almost Washington State (WHN) November 20, 2023. We are proud to announce that Mx. Pebbles has begun interning in the WHN covert surveillance reporting division. Due to the secretive nature of the work, Pebbles has taken up occupancy in the high security WHN penthouse of our secret South Surrey World Headquarters. Known for 'their' rabid reporting, Pebbles hard biting reporting is sure to cause some foaming at the mouth of his investigatorial victims. Pebbles hopes to get a few good bites into Mr. Trump's 2024 campaign butt before the internship ends.
UPDATE: Editor Ander-Thal, due to jealousy of Pebble's comfy office, has initiated proceeding with the WHN Board of Directors (and Atlas Pest Control) to evict Pebbles from the penthouse before 'they' become fully settled. Mrs. Ander-Thal has stated that Ned should be sleeping there instead....
"This car is key to winning in 2024!!"
"This car is key to conquering in 2024!!"
Noted South Surrey race car driver Ned Ander-Thal was asked by the WHN for his thoughts on the 'Biden-Bubblemobile' and the 'Trump Predator'. Per the 'Biden-Bubblemobile' he stated: "Well, it does allow you to live in a bubble and keep the real world at bay - which many say is the desire of it's core audience. Unfortunately, I worry that the car buying public is not yet ready for it. It would have been better if Biden had released a SUV version that could fit 12 people... despite the fact that the vehicle would likely be carrying only 1 person, the driver, 98% of the time." Mr. Ander-Thal was perhaps more taken by the 'Trump Predator': "My god, that is a killer-mobile! Perfectly insane - hence suitable for it's target audience. Did you notice that it is manufactured by TESLA? A 12 cylinder, dual carb monster, that burns tons of gas... a clear sign as to where Elon Musk has gone politically - thus leading the 'Libs' to turn against TESLA electric vehicles to the 'Biden-Bubblemobile'. Good thing that Musk is getting the SpaceX Starship ready for mass Mars emigration because Earth will soon be uninhabitable, or unlivable, with these things prowling the around. Speaking of unlivable, I've heard that Putin has ordered 100,000 'Predators' to send to his Russian tourists currently vacationing in Ukraine."
The suggested retail price of the two vehicles have not been released. However, Mr. Biden let slip at a recent press conference that he expects that, because of the success of 'Bidennomics', the 'Biden-Bubblemobile' will be released in early 2024 and have a manufacturers suggested price of only 5 easy payments of $19.95 [But if you order early, you can get it for only 4 easy payments!]. In contrast, Mr. Trump's election committee has announced that the 'Trump Predator' will be provided for FREE, for beta testing in November 2024, to members of the Proud Boys, Oath Keepers , and other selected regional militias, prior to the 2024 election. The general public and 'blue' states will have to wait until January 2025 to be on the receiving end of the 'Trump Predator'.... at what cost, we don't know.
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Mr. Trump believes that "FINE PEOPLE" are 'selectively' bred. Hence, birthright citizenship must end and ONLY those babies born to appropriately vetted Republicans, er, Americans will be deemed citizens. Much like the Miss Universe Contest previously owned by Mr. Trump, he will personally approve each new citizen. © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News
SPEAKING OF VERMIN: WHN Welcomes NEW Intern
and an impending ceiling disaster....
WHO IS THAT MASKED INTERN? Pebbles (as identified by Ms. Chloe Scott) is 'captured' settling into their penthouse suite at the WHN World Headquarters. Pebbles is reputed to be an intrepid reporter who can break into even the most secure locations to uncover the 'TRUTH'.
Impending Electoral Disaster?
Impending VERMIN Disaster?
But, Mike Pence is not the only 'trump-turnative' leaving the GQP race for the Presidency. Senator Tim Scott (R-SC) has also announced that he is suspending his run for the nomination citing a desire to spend more time with his family... though, strangely, Senator Scott is unmarried and has no children.....or, according to the polls, supporters. Mr. Trump, when asked about this development replied, "Tim Scott? He doesn't look like one of ours... are you sure he is a Republican?"
The remaining candidates (Governor Nikki Haley, Governor Ron DeSantis, and Governor Chris Christie and Mr. Vivek Ramaswamy) are left angling to break into the high single or low double digit levels of GQP support. Despite his now very low support amongst the GQP voter, one candidate America and the world should 'watch out for' is Vivek Ramaswamy who claims he is Trump 2.0. Indeed, it appears that Mr. Ramaswamy is trying to out-Trump Trump while simultaneously complimenting the former President - perhaps to get the Number 2 spot on the 2024 GQP ticket. Both Mr. Trump (November 11, 2023 Veterans Day Speech: "We pledge to you that we will root out the communists, Marxists, fascists and the radical left thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our country that lie and steal and cheat on elections...") and Mr. Ramaswamy (November 15, 2023:"You want to know what actual “vermin” is? It’s what crawls around San Francisco daily, until Gavin Newsom chose to finally clean it up on a dime in honor of Xi Jinping.") both promise to rid America of it's vermin. Of note, Mr. Ramaswamy's campaign outfit was provided by Elon Musk to advertise both Trumpion causes and TESLA as denoted by the stylized "T". Per Mr. Musk, "Next to the Trump Predator, Vivek's suit is the best thing I've ever designed! The suit will fly better than my SpaceX Starship and it will wear better longterm than Twitter, er, X."
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Is Vivek Ramaswamy 'Trump 2.0', or VP material, or a nobody to be forgotten by history. It appears that Mr. Trump will be deciding his fate; will the 'SuperTrump' suit help? © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News