Exclusive to the
World Headline News
September 17, 2019 • Issue 120
Trump's a Sharpie®
SPACE FORCE! To Conquer Milky Way!
"I am the Supreme Commander because it's my gun..."
John Bull originated as a satirical character created in 1712 in England by Dr John Arbuthnot, a friend of Jonathan Swift and Alexander Pope. Later, Mr. Bull was disseminated overseas by illustrators and writers such as the American cartoonist Thomas Nast and Irish writer George Bernard Shaw. Mr. Bull, unlike America's Uncle Sam, is not a figure of authority but rather a well-intentioned, common-sense, but frustrated, average citizen who prefers both domestic beer and domestic peace.
In the late 1700, following the disastrous American Revolution, several English satirists used John Bull in political cartoons directed against King George III and his family portraying the royal family as miserly and money-hungry. These cartoons were widely circulated throughout Britain and Europe. Royalists condemned the cartoons as Treasonous.
In today's America, the time is ripe for
Mr. John Bull to reappear...
Mr. Bull versus King George III
'Butt', it is politically incorrect due to it's impact on global warming...
Bringing 'The Bull' Back To Politics
Learning History: The 'curse' of a liberal arts education...
Hand Crafted By:
Almost Washington State (WHN) September 17, 2019. In response to confusion between the President Trump and 'main stream weather scientists', the White House has released the following statement from the President.
"Shapriegate? That is such typical Liberal crap. Liberals don’t understand science, weather issues, or American quantum theory! I am probably the SMARTEST scientist ever. In fact, my scientific knowledge is not even quantifiable. Liberals spout that European scientists, or maybe it was American's of European descent, disagreed with my weather forecast. Hell, Europe has it easy because European weather is easy to predict because it follows scientific laws because those Godless European countries just don’t know how to pray!"
Citing the President's clear success with Hurricane Dorian, the White House today also announced that Mr. Trump will now assume total personal control of American pollsters in advance of the 2020 election. Per Mr. Trump, "They claim polls are science, but my gut tells me otherwise. My magical Sharpie agrees. As you can see, the American public loves me!"
The key to successful megalomania: surround yourself with stupid and/or unethical people.
"But, good old American weather changes unexpectedly because this is ‘A Nation of God Loving People’, except for Democrats of course, who constantly PRAY for changes in the weather. I mean how many times has a Republicans prayed, 'God, I hope it doesn't rain today!'. God answers these Republican's prayers, and that means that, even though the USA is, of course, #1 in computer hardware, #1 in computer software, #1 in weather satellites, #1 in anti-hurricane 'atomic' bombs, and #1 in everything else weather related, it's just impossible for the National Weather Service to scientifically predict what will happen – because of prayer. Only I have the unique ability to hear God's weather plans and this sometimes requires me to UPDATE inaccurate NOAA maps using my beloved, and Godly, Sharpie."
"Because of my unique relationship with God, I have directed that, from this point forward, NOAA will henceforth begin aggregating people's weather-related prayers (#god-save-me-from-weather) to see if they predict how God will respond to pious Americans prayers to resolve various conflicting (#I-hope-it-hails-on-Hillarys-house) requests. I want to convince, er, explain, to you, it is ONLY because I asked the American public to PRAY for the protection of Alabama, that Alabama did not suffer devastating losses worse than that seen in the Bahamas – whose people, by the way, practice voodoo. Alabama and all true American should THANK ME for saving the country by encouraging mass Republican prayers.... those Democrats prayed for other things... though I really wanted so badly to use my Anti-Hurricane 'Atom' Bombs. Maybe I'll use them the next time Puerto Rico is threatened..."
BREAKING NEWS: Polls Announce Massive LOVE for Trump; Commanding Lead in 2020 Presidential Race
Trump: "If I lose, it's because of the RUSSIANS.... who didn't do their job...."
Almost Washington State (WHN) September 17, 2019. In a bold initiative, the G.O.P. (Government of Putin) announced that it was time for the United States to join the "NEW 21st Century"; a century to be dominated by the 'STRONG' leaders (Putin, Xi, Kim and Kanye West) so admired by Donald J. Trump. To achieve this goal, President Trump will sign an Executive Order naming the G.O.P. as the sole "Approved Party of America".
Unsurprisingly, some Americans are unhappy. When asked about the impending Executive Action, Nancy Pelosi stated, "We will challenge it in the courts, all the way to the Supreme Court... Oh, wait, corporations are people, gerrymandering is not our concern, .... oh, crap." Despite the concerns of the soon-to-be outlawed Democrats, the G.O.P. emphasized that the impending change was not a "political move" but rather an "ENVIRONMENTAL IMPERATIVE".
"Those damn democrats want to destroy the
"Let him have it HIS way!"
And If We Can Stack The Supreme Court They Will Be! Pray for RBG!" Moscow Mitch
G.O.P*. DECLARES: IT'S TIME FOR THE 1 PARTY COUNTRY
"To Protect 'MY' ASS Environment, Democrats Must Be Outlawed"
I've always preferred
WHN ELECTION COVERAGE BEGINS THIS ISSUE!
Moscow Mitch (L)
Mikhail The Pious (R)
Ned Ander-Thal © 2019
Trump: "Swamp's Are Vital To The Environment, And I Plan To Protect Mine"
Per Mr. Trump, speaking on behalf of the G.O.P., "Swamps are vital to the environment, and I plan to protect my swamp! Democrats should love this initiative since they 'claim' to love the environment. Washington has never been swampier, and the courts have clearly agreed with us.... Just ask Cohen or Flynn, Manafort or Gates." Key 'One Party' supporters 'Moscow Mitch' and 'Mikhail The Pious' speaking from their complimentary suites at an undisclosed Trump property, issued a joint statement: "We look forward to 'Russian' in and ridding America of 'those damn democrats' who want to destroy the Republican way. We say, let him have HIS way!"
Surprisingly, the soon-to-be outlawed Democrats are not the only ones unhappy with the pending Executive Order. Even within the G.O.P. there are dissenters who need to be silenced. Initial G.O.P. plans to silence malcontents includes cancelling of 2020 State Republican Presidential Primaries and, if this is insufficient, expulsion of these members from the party, and if necessary, relocation of these disaffected, and clearly psychological unbalanced individuals, to Mr. Trump's banana plantations. Hillary needs some help harvesting.
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Trump unveils super secret weapon - the Sharpie
© 2019 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Starship Commander Donnie 'Jet' Trump unveils his super secret space weapon - The Atomic Pistol! Per "The Jet" Trump, the Atomic Pistol! is more powerful than the Black Sharpie - frightening. The uniform was designed by Mr. Trump and is currently being manufactured, alongside his ties, in China. © 2019 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News
Click to see Official Portrait:
Almost Washington State (WHN) September 17, 2019. In a bold move, President Trump has announced the first steps towards the formation of SPACE FORCE! by reviving an independent USA Space Command. While President Reagan created Space Command in 1985, it was merged with the USA Strategic Command by President Bush, The Younger, in 2002 following the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.
But a wise President Trump, following a recent binge watching of the original Star Trek series, declared that Space truly is "the final frontier" and that America future, and his legacy, could be dependent on conquering space, or at least buying an exclusive option on 'space' (made possible by his failure to close the deal on buying Greenland).
Per Mr. Trump, "SPACE FORCE! will sweep out into our solar system and then beyond to conquer the the entirety of the Milky Way galaxy by the end of 2021." According to Mr. Trump, "This will be accomplished using modern space age weapons like the 'atomic' pistol that I am holding here! I've heard that the Milky Way is delicious too." Mr. Trump also designed the the official SPACE FORCE! uniform as worn by our President and Supreme Starship Commander Donnie 'Jet' Trump. At the request of the National Rifle Association (NRA), no background checks will be required prior to purchasing an 'atomic' gun... only thoughts and prayers... but be sure to use the prayers only for the weather... SAVE ALABAMA!
EXPRESS YOURSELF: Drag The Poster to Your Desktop, PRINT, and POST!
THE UPDATED BULL: 221 Years Later!
Mr. Bull versus King Trumpe 45th