April 21, 2023   •   Issue 174

TROUBLED ELECTION AHEAD?

As U.S.A. Presidential Race Begins,

Is It Time To Re-Think the

ELECTORAL COLLEGE

ONE Vote Does NOT Equal ONE Vote

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WHIGS? The Whig Party [one of the TWO Major political] collapsed following the passage of the 1854 Kansas–Nebraska Act. The Act stated the status of slavery in a newly admitted state would be decided based on 'popular sovereignty' in which the citizens of each territory, rather than Congress, would determine if they would become a 'slave state'. Aside from the extreme violence the Act engendered, it resulted in most Northern Whigs eventually joining the anti-slavery Republican Party and most Southern Whigs joining the nativist American Party, and later the Constitutional Union Party and, eventually, the Southern Democrats (now Southern Republicans) and the Civil War.

Troubles: Inflation Hits Retirees Hard

Ned's Creative & Tasty Solutions

Almost Washington State (WHN) April 21, 2023. Inflation has been decimating the lower and middle classes since the hit of the pandemic in 2020 and the resulting supply chain shortages, increases in housing and food costs, economic fear mongering, and record corporate greed [see RECORD profits for multiple segments of industry].

Among the hardest hit demographic has been retirees. These sad, lonely, and broke people are no longer receiving a living (or semi-living) wage and, crucially, are unable to steal other peoples lunches from the office refrigerator (without risking trespassing charges) - people like our own Ned Ander-Thal, Editor Emeritus, of the WHN. Because the WHN is, sadly, a 'non-profit' [we've not earned a profit in 30 years], Ned does not have a WHN pension.  He is living solely on his 'DEFINED CONTRIBUTION CRIME (DC) PLAN' - a plan he implement 30 years ago that involves stealing all the employer provided pens and pencils he could for resale [he now sells these at the corner of  Westbook Mall and Agronomy Road - use the WHN Coupon Code 'BUSTED' and he will throw in a BIG roll of (stolen) office toilet paper with every order of 10 pencils or 5 pens!].

As Ned will sadly tell you, if you ask, he and his wife are experiencing the catastrophic effects of runaway inflation. Limited to the very paltry offerings of the Canadian Pension POVERTY Plan (CPP), Ned's lifestyle has taken a dramatic hit in retirement - no more $300 lunches paid for with his corporate credit card (written off as more 'office supplies'), no more jet travel on vendor's jets ("Sure, I can get the company to buy that crap - for a ride!"), and no more 2 for 1 coupons at Boston Pizza (the coupons still come, but the food is... well, uh, unpalatable to Ned). Thus, the Ander-Thal's are in desperate shape... To make ends meet, Ned has found a new purpose in life, well, technically, in death: "Huntin' down varmints for vittles!"

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Ned Ander-Thal, Emeritus Editor of the WHN, proudly displaying a the results of a recent successful hunt for vermin in the fileds of South Surrey.  According to Ned, one of these is sufficient to feed a hungry family of four; or 12 if they are picky eaters. However, according to Environment Canada, Ned's prey of choice may not be around for long. As a result of over hunting by CPP recipients and the environmental destruction arising from the invasive pests themselves (note barren landscape devoid of food for the Grasshopper giganticus) this cheap food source will likely become scarce before most WHN readers retire. © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Ned recently shared with the WHN staff samples of his most recent culinary masterpiece: pan fried grasshoppers. "I done first ate grasshopper in the Peace Corp in Niger [Africa]. They was crunchy like chips and full of protein [EDITOR: true story]. Fortunately, due to global warming the Canadian Southwest, it is SOUTH Surrey, is full of dem critters and dey is big, really, really BIG! Big enough to feed a family of four... or 12 if they's picky! So pull out your long rifle, and go a huntin' and you'll be fed finely! My golden retriever Cooper is a big help in flushing the prey from bushes - typically that happens when he is peeing on the (not Junior) bush..."

Mrs. Ander-Thal, while initially wary of the insectivore lifestyle, has now embraced it, "It's gluten free, high protein, and it really saves on the grocery budget.  I like to use a light, spicy, honey glaze, hint, I use Scott Mixner's honey for the glaze, with a touch of sea salt! Makes for a satisfying and sweet and salty crunch - kind of like caramel popcorn. However, be careful of insecticides. If they are spraying, you need to be praying...otherwise you be splaying on the ground." Mrs. Ander-Thal is less enthralled by Ned's other game of choice... rats....  "Yep, big fat ones that feed on the discarded food in restaurant trash bins. Ya gotta be 'stealthy' to sneak up on them. But they is succulent, just like the Gambian pouched rats I ate in the Peace Corps!" an excited Ned chimed in [EDITOR: True Story; they weigh up to 1.5 kg (3 lbs) and can be raised like rabbits]. With a sly smile, Ned added, "Course, lot's a folks is shy about eatin' rat, so I just grind'em up and make 'em into hotrats, er, hotdogs. Wanna come to lunch, got me some fine 'hotdogs' grillin' ..."

WHN EXCLUSIVE: "I still like burger joints. I can't afford the grub, but there is good huntin' in the garbage!". While not USDA graded, the rats do eat USDA approved feed... and, it's also Waste Management approved. Ned is always thinking of new ways to supplement his CPP income and is currently looking at urine donation to olympic athletes at the 2024 Summer Olympics. "Hey, I don't do no drugs! So gimme your specimen cup - course, I'm old, so it might take awhile...." © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Troubled Tump Trembles

Almost Washington State (WHN) April 21, 2023. As the prison bars begin to materialize around the former pResident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, his crack(ed) team of liar-ers, er, lawyers, are frantically fighting the State of New York, the District Attorney of Manhatten, the legal team of E. Jean Carroll, the Fulton County (GA) District Attorney, and the multiple investigations being conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice. As one unnamed Trump liar-er stated, "Damn, reminds me of when I was defending Al Capone, Bugsy Siegel, and the Baltimore Strangler. But based on the evidence presented, I had better chances with them than with 'The Don'."

A key witness in one legal case, a demure woman going by the pseudonym 'Stormy Daniels' (real name: Stephanie Clifford) has broken her non-disclosure agreement with 'The Don' and laid bare several embarrassing secrets regarding 'The Don's' sexual proclivities ("SPANK ME, SPANK ME!") and his, uh, 'peculiar mushroom' anatomy [see centerfold photo in the upcoming print edition (left)!].

WHN EXCLUSIVE: COMING SOON! to a grocery store checkout lane near you, the new World Headline News glossy (because Glossy = HIGH QUALITY!) magazine. Exclusive stories, photos and interviews. As noted by the date of the publication, "May the Fourth be with you..." © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

COMING SOON! Read more about the former pResident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue troubles as he prepares for his residency at another Federally owned 'house' in a state near you. Look for the BRAND NEW glossy print edition of the World Headline News coming this millennia to a grocery checkout lane near you [see the above Cover of our first issue]. The inaugural issue is full of helpful hints to "The Don" from friends like Michael Flynn: "Make friends with the Russians in the joint. They'll protect you from those damn Ukrainians." Michael Cohen adds, "I've got friends in the joint, and they've got some fine shives they could, uh, 'let you have'... if you know what I mean...". Stormy helpfully adds, "I can let you know what real men like... and it's not Forbes."

Justice, Witch Hunt

or Just Dessert?

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Donald Trump examines this month's indictments. FULL DISCLOSURE: The WHN is uncertain if these documents are simply masquerading as indictments and are, instead, his collection of souvenir classified White House documents in an attempt to fool the Department of Justice. © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

This is graphically demonstrated in the WHN map (right). The population of Los Angeles County (BLUE) equals the combined population of all the 43 states shown in the RED tones. Hence, even the lowest population state (Wyoming) has a greater impact on the presidential election than LA County (3 vs 0 direct electoral votes). Voter inequality is further exacerbated because all states (except Nebraska and Maine) award their Electoral Votes are awarded on a "winner takes all" basis which further enhances the power of the small population states. Hence, a Presidential candiate that win 50 %+ 1 vote will win 100% of the electoral votes of that state.

However, many rightfully argue that the Electoral College has practical value. The ONLY way for a nation to remain intact, is if it can maintain a sense of belonging for all the different regions. One would NOT want the residents of LA County to solely dictate the  requirements of the residents of 43 states in the RED tones. Hence, the ELECTORAL COLLEGE was devised as a means to balance the needs of the few against the desires of the many. Perhaps, where the electoral College fails, is in the "winner take all" approach by the states. One could argue that proportional awarding, based on the states popular vote would still meet the stated aim of the Electoral College, while also allowing for a more nuanced interpretation of the voters will even within a single state. Even in Wyoming (as RED as Red can be), slightly over 30% of the population voted for Biden, yet these voters choice was not recognized in the award of the Electoral College vote. A more equitable distribution of the 3 votes would have been Trump 2, Biden 1. Similarly in California, Biden won all 55 electoral votes while winning only ~64% of the vote. In Texas, Trump won all 38 Electoral vote while only winning ~52% of the vote. A more equitable distribution of votes would have been either 20-18 (Trump-Biden). As it is, ~48% of the Texas electorate was disenfranchised. In the event of a viable third party candidate, they too would be awarded Electoral College votes.  While none of the OTHER Presidential candidates in 2020 captured any significant percentage of the vote; a strong 3rd Party candidate (such as Ross Perot in 1992 who won >25% of the Texas vote) would also be awarded electoral votes. While I, Ned Ander-Thal, am usually anti-evolution, this evolution would broaden the chances of a viable Third Party to grow and achieve major party status; or even replace, an established party that is fading into oblivion due to unpopular policies [see Whigs]. While these changes would tighten the ELECTORAL COLLEGE vote, it would be a win for representing the people within a state more fairly. Moreover, the emerging election focus on specific 'battle ground' states [Minnesota, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Arizona and Utah] would be broken as every electoral vote would really matter - even in a deep RED or BLUE state.

Republicans Claim To Be Against 'CANCEL CULTURE' But Are The CANCEL PARTY!

Will They CANCEL Future

Presidential Elections?

The CANCEL CULTURE platform of the Republican Party is becoming more and more evident by the societal and legislative actions of the party at the local, state and national levels. This ranges from local book burnings, book banning, closure of public libraries (because they have, gasp!, books!), state mandated revisions of history (even math) books, legislative mandates over medical care, restrictions on medical information, defunding of public schools (education in general is 'too liberal'), and legislative attacks on businesses that promote, or even suggest they support, the ill-defined "WOKE" agenda. But most alarmingly, they are attacking  election rights and processes in order to enhance the ability of state and national Republicans to achieve victory (not necessarily 'win') in an election.

Nationally, the desire to CANCEL is evident when a significant majority of Republicans, and its past and current leadership, continues to try to overturn the 2020 election. An election that Trump lost by more than 7,000,000 popular votes and by a convincing Electoral College defeat.  This is the epitome of CANCEL CULTURE.

One has to ask why Texas, as well as the Attorney Generals of Republican controlled states, thought they should be able to CANCEL the votes of citizens in states won by Biden. Unfortunately, the means by which they sought to do this, was via the ELECTORIAL COLLEGE vote - an arcane system that is potentially open to massive anti-democratic influence should states elect to ignore the popular state vote and allow gerrymandered legislative majorities to vote to ignore the popular vote - even in the absence of any factual electoral fraud.

BONUS TROUBLE

COOPER, THE SUAVE, SOPHISTICATED,

PARTY ANIMAL

TURNS ONE!

April 21, 2023. Cooper "Golden Dream" Ander-Thal turned ONE on April 13.  He celebrated the big day with a Formal Ball (well, rubber ball) at the South Surrey Ander-Thal Mansion. The Ander-Thals are all still hung over from celebrating - there was an OPEN Kibble Bar and we all enjoyed too many rounds of Milk Bones on the Rocks. It was, by all accounts, a howling good time for all!  

Though, it must be said, Cooper makes a mean drunk.

*Leave me alone, I'm hung-over! I NEED some 'hair of the dog'..."

Tuxedo from the "Bob the Wonderdog Collection" circa 1995.  Designed and Manufactured by Toyofuku House of Dog Fashions.

Photos By: Toyofuku House of Dog Fashions

An Editorial By WHN Editor Emeritus:

Ned Ander-Thal

SAD FACT:  The US has suffered at least 162 mass shootings in the first 15 weeks of 2023 (per the Gun Violence Archive). That's an average of more than 1.5 mass shootings per day. The archive defines mass shootings as being four or more people shot,

excluding the shooter.

"Grrrr, woof,

woof, bark!

whine..."*

1864 photo By Mathew B. Brady. Used on the Albanian $1 bill.

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup butter

• pinch of salt

• 1 cup cleaned grasshoppers

(you can use freeze dried crickets

from Amazon)

• 2 Tbs. honey

• 1 tsp. Aleppo pepper,

   mixed into honey

Melt your butter in a pan over medium heat. Add the insects and and salt and stir gently for around 10 minutes, making sure to get them completely covered in butter.  When the bugs are suitably crisped, drizzle the spice-honey over them and stir a bit more. Then spread them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, and cook for around 10 minutes at 200 F, until the bugs are no longer quite so sticky.

Mrs. Ned's Honey-Spiced Locusts

In deference to our more sensitive readers, no rat recipe will be provided.... but just think chicken drumbsticks....