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Satire Since 1993

NIXON & TЯUMP

IMPEACHMENT HEARINGS

Ned Ander-Thal Has Covered Them Both

Exclusive to the

World Headline News

November 1, 2019   •   Issue 122

Impeachment?  about time....

Almost Washington State (WHN) November 1, 2019. As the drums of impeachment beat louder, the Trump White House continues to search for a viable defense strategy.  Each previous strategy crumbled when the President, or his Chief-of-Staff Mick Mulvaney, spoke to the press and publicly called on Ukraine and China, despite no viable evidence of any corruption on part of his potential 2020 opponent or his son, to "investigate Biden" and saying "people should just get over it, we always do this!". But what options does the White House have.

TЯUMP'S WHITE HOUSE

IMPEACHMENT STRATEGY:

VERY SIMPLE 'OBSTRUCTION'

"I've done more ______ than ANYBODY!"

WHN EXCLUSIVE: White House Chief-of-Staff Mick Mulvaney, desperate for a solution for self-incrimination, unsurprisingly, resorted to overt obstruction.  Fortunately, unlike Nixon's tape problem, Mick found some highly effective 'obstruction' tape left over from the White House response to the Mueller Investigation. PHOTO: © 2019 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Almost Washington State (WHN) November 1, 2019. In a bold move, Donald Trump has told Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi "What are you crying about?  To the victor belong the spoils. Hey, I am 'THE DON' and 'The People' , and their so called 'House of Representatives', have to answer to me. It is my God-Given Right that MY diplomats do my bidding, oh, and Rudy, don't worry, you're pardon is in the hat!  But most of all, I get unlimited fries and two scoops of ice cream - you only get one."

MORE TRUE HISTORY

Eisenhower (1956) vs. Today’s (2019) Republicans:

Today's Republicans are the total opposites of Eisenhower Republicans.


In 1956, the Republican Party boasted that under Eisenhower “the Federal minimum wage has been raised for more than 2 million workers... ... and wants to extend the protection of the Federal minimum wage laws to as many more workers as is possible and practicable.” Today, the Republican Party wants to “repeal the minimum wage to make American companies more profitable.”

In 1956, the Republican Party proudly stated that under Eisenhower “Social Security has been extended to an additional 10 million workers and the benefits raised for 6 1/2 million.” Today, the many within the Republican Party wants to abolish Social Security or to create self-directed investment accounts (that could yield profits to both legitimate and illegitimate investment counselors).  If you don't invest wisely tough luck, live on the street.

In 1956, the Republican Party platform pledged that it would work to “assure equal pay for equal work regardless of Sex.” Last year, every Republican in the Senate voted against the Paycheck Fairness Act to assure equal pay for equal work.

In 1956, the Republican Party boasted that under Eisenhower “the protection of unemployment insurance has been brought to 4 million additional workers.” Today, the Republican Party wants to end unemployment benefits for hundreds of thousands of Americans who have lost their jobs through no fault of their own.

In 1956, the Republican Party was proud that under Eisenhower, “unions have grown in strength and responsibility, and have increased their membership by 2 million.” Today, Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham stated that abolishing the National Labor Relations Board, the federal agency in charge of protecting the rights of workers, would be considered “progress.”

In 1956, the Republican Party said “the protection of the right of workers to organize into unions and to bargain collectively is the firm and permanent policy of the Eisenhower Administration.” Today, Republican Governors and legislators have actively and legislatively undermined collective bargaining rights.

Ned's Notes:  It appears Eisenhower must have been a

2019 Democrat.

MORE TRUE HISTORY

Nixon (1970) vs. Today’s (2019) Republicans:

Today's Republicans are the total opposites of Nixon Republicans.


Nixon founded the Environmental Protection Agency in 1970 as a response to the rising concern over conservation and pollution. The agency oversaw the passage of the Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act and the Marine Mammal Protection Act.  Todays Republican's have gutted the EPA, the Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act and the Marine Mammal Protection Act.

Nixon believed in science creating the national cancer centers.  The National Institutes of Health grew as a consequence of Nixon investments.  Todays Republicans are anti-science, promote false 'alternative-facts', deny inconvenient findings and PREVENT government scientist from presenting findings that challenge the desired alternative-facts.

Nixon opened the doors for women in collegiate sports when he signed Title IX in 1972, a civil rights law preventing gender bias at colleges and universities receiving Federal aid.  Todays Republicans are actively gutting Title IX.

Nixon initiated and oversaw the peaceful desegregation of public southern schools.  Today's Republicans are gutting public education favor 'for profit' charter schools. Today's Republicans are enabling/encouraging segregationist policies in private, charter and public school systems.

Nixon, a great proponent of the 26th Amendment, lowered the voting age from twenty-one to eighteen, extending the right to vote to America’s youth. Today's Republicans have exerted significant legal and legislative efforts to restrict the rights of citizens to vote... often, these efforts have focused on visible minorities.

Nixon authorized the joint work between the FBI and Special Task Forces to effectively eliminate organized crime, resulting in over 2500 convictions by 1973. Todays Republicans have demonized the FBI and intelligence services for supporting the findings that the Russians actively interfered with the 2016 election and are again working to influence the 2020 election.

Ned's Notes:  It appears Nixon must have been a

2019 Democrat.

Read Ned's Actual

1974 Watergate Report!

(will open in new window)

Seriously, Ned's actual 1974 12th Grade English Exposé!

“Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

Mark Twain

TRUE QUOTES

White House Press Secretary (Propagandist?) Stephanie Grisham responding to General John Kelly's comment that Trump "risked impeachment if he surrounded himself with 'Yes Men'":


"I worked with John Kelly, and he was totally unequipped to handle the genius of our great President."

Investigations by WHN White House reporter Ned Ander-Thal has shed some light on the the White House plight.  According to Mr. Ander-Thal, "White House Chief-of-Staff Mick Mulvaney is desperate for a solution, and has, based on Trump's success to date, resorted to overt obstruction - something he has lots of experience with!  Fortunately, unlike Nixon's tape problem, Mick found some highly effective 'obstruction' tape left over from the White House response to the Mueller Investigation (see photo)." For the moment Mulvaney's genius ploy is holding. But, according to 'Anonymous', the mysterious White House insider who penned the 2018 NY Time op-ed and the soon to be released explosive expose book on Trump, "He never misses his 3 pm french fry feeding time. Once it's 3 pm, nobody, and no tape, will prevent the President gorging on fresh, hot, salty, McDonald fries..... and then he speaks...."

Impeachment is back on!  Pass the popcorn, and donate to the White House Fries Fund and Help End Obstruction Today!

Using An

'INVERSE NIXON STRATEGY'

WHITE HOUSE Provides The Tape and a Fatal (?) Transcript!

Ukraine • The People • Hotels

Trump: I'm 'The BIG Boss'

"IT'S NOT A CRIME IF I DO IT"

THE REPUBLICANS - 1956 vs 2019 vs1970

Ned Always Identified As An 'Eisenhower Republican' .... Good Choice

Even Nixon looks Good By Comparison (!?!)

Moscow Mitch: "Republicans in the Senate will seriously consider any articles of impeachment, and the thousands of pages of supporting testimony, delivered to us by the House.  I mean, if it takes 5, or even 10, minutes we will do our duty.  

Then we will vote to acquit.  

Do I have that right Mr. 'Concerned Comrade Citizen'?"

Look, it's Vlad M.R. Poutine, the famous French-Canadian, eh!

"oooh, Ukraine got no quid !"

NEWS STAND EXCLUSIVE

Be Informed! Pick up your copy of the

WHN Journal of Civilization

Available in the checkout lines at fine stores everywhere - right next to People and the National Enquirer  

COVER ART © 2019 Ned Ander-Thal

World Headline News

Despite his universal approval in the pre-2020 polls, Mr. Trump's life is not all fun and games.  White House podiatrist, Dr. I.N. Groan Nale, states , "Mr. Trump's right leg and bunion, are inflamed due to his proclivity to walk all over justice."  Similarly, Secretary of the Treasury Steven Mnuchin claims that Mr. Trump's bunions are further negatively impacted "by the bags of bullion being delivered to the White House by Don Jr. and Eric. Seems lots of foreigners want to stay at Trump properties."

Complete the above Quote!