Bad Boys... whatcha gonna do?
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Mr. Trump giving direction to Mr. Baldwin during rehearsals at Mar-a-Lago. Per Mr. Trump, "I chose Alec because he has proven that he doesn't fire blanks [EDITOR: see RUST] just like me. But more importantly, he can definitely fool those fools at the Department of Justice into thinking I'm actually residing in the 'Big House'. I will be in a BIG house but it will be WHITE. I've told Alec, that he needs to shiv the Bidens and Hillary when I LOCK THEM UP, LOCK THEM UP, LOCK THEM UP!" While this is Mr. Trump's first directorial effort, he does have extensive experience in Dictatorial Efforts (2016-2020) and in reality TV (The Apprentice; 2005-2015). © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News
GQP Field Asks:
Almost Washington State (WHN) September 26, 2023. The United Staes House of Representative Judiciary Committee has spent the last 6 month investigating WHN Editor Ned Ander-Thal for treasonous 'Anti-Trump Sentiments'. Mr. Jim Jordan, Chair of the Committee, along with Mr. Matt Gaetz, alleged High School Cheerleader fan, interrogated Mr. Ander-Thal for his libel of the Trump presidency.
Mr. Ander-Thal's defense, consisting entirely of 'Freedom of Speech' and 'TRUTH' arguments, fell on deaf ears amongst the GQP committee members. Democrats on the committee failed to attend because, in the words of one member, "It's Ned Ander-Thal, he is kind of hard to defend."
September 26, 2023 • Issue 177 (of 200?)
Exclusive to the
World Headline News
GQP Front Runner is A Convicted Sex Offender, Thrice 4x Indicted for Felonies, Thrice Married (WITH MULTIPLE PROVEN AFFAIRS!), Serial Bankruptcies and Company failures, Dictator Loving, Conspiracy Spewing Candidate
(and THOSE are his GOOD points!)
Almost Washington State (WHN) September 26, 2023. Despite the ever increasing legal jeopardy facing Mr. Trump for his 'alleged' illegal activities relating to the 2020 Election, the Republican electorate is enthralled with the 'Bad Boy of Mar-a-Lago'. According to one anonymous GQP official, "America likes 'Bad Boys' especially politicians who won't follow the rules... you know, like rules embedded in the constitution and legal statues. Plus, have you seen how sexy Trump looks in that orange jumpsuit?"
Surprisingly, a majority of other Republicans challenging for the GQP nomination also support Trump - either directly, or less conspicuously, indirectly. Governor Ron DeSantis is rumored to be contemplating also adopting orange attire. According to his spokesperson, "Mr. DeSantis, in horor of Florida's orange industry, will henceforth be adorned in an orange lie-sure, er, leisure suit as leisure tourism is another of Florida's major industries." Not to be outdone, good'ol boy Vivek Ramaswamy has explored dyeing his hair orange: "Once it's dyed, and I gain 200 pound eating McDonalds, nobody will be able to tell the difference between me, 'The Vivek', and 'The Donald'. We will be TWINS! Maybe people in Hollywood will also think I'm Alec Baldwin..." Niki Haley simply stated: "It's criminal what a guy/gal has to do to win in todays Republican party. I'm thinking of storming the Oval Office to up my street creds with 'THE BASE'!"
Only former Governor Chris Christie is trying to differentiate himself from Trump and, to a lesser extent, some of Trump's policies. When asked by the WHN how that was working out, Mr Christie would only say, "Like Hillary Clinton at a Turning Point USA convention... or Rudy Giuliani at .... well anywhere."
Ned Ander-Thal Successfully Avoids Prison for Another Year! Yay!?
Shock and Dismay Expressed by Subscribers and
Innocent Victims of the World Headline News
Almost Washington State (WHN) September 26, 2023. Despite the ongoing Screen Actors Guild strike, WHN Television Critic Ned Ander-Thal has uncovered a shocking development in Hollywood. In a WHN Exclusive, we can report that famed actor Alec Baldwin has agreed to accept the role of Mr. Trump in a new joint Neflix-DOJ reality production tentatively titled "President of the Prison Yard". The reality TV show will follow the ascent of a convicted former politician as he rises to the top of the prison yard.
When asked if his potential prison time in New Mexico (if found guilty of negligent homicide) due to his firing of the fatal shot on the movie set of Rust was a factor, Mr. Baldwin stated that this was a mere coincidence and that "I was selected because of my uncanny resemblance to Mr. Trump and my ability to fool the prison guards. The money, which Mr. Trump assures me he will pay upon completion of the longterm agreement, was also attractive. Don't tell anyone, but Mr. Trump has promised to pay me $10,000 BILLION DOLLARS!"
Mr. Trump states that he is already crowd sourcing the 'production money' from his pantheon of "small (but gullible) donors." However, the negotiations between Mr. Trump and Baldwin were difficult. Mr. Baldwin stated that he only agreed to the role after he received a contractual promise (and a pinky swear as Mr. Trump's written contract are known to be worthless) that Mr. Trump's Secret Service protection detail would be given to him during production, and, additionally, that it was 'filmed' concurrently with any potential 'gig' he might be completing at the Penitentiary of New Mexico (located in Santa Fe - the cultural capital of New Mexico). Mr. Baldwin expressed confidence that the terms of the contract will be met: "I mean, if you can't trust Mr. Trump, who can you trust?!"
Per Mr. Trump, "I select only the BEST people for both my governments and my film productions. Mr. Baldwin has proven that he will be a good body double for me in the 'prison shower scenes' we will be filming! His only 'fault' is that his hands are much larger than mine, so he doesn't drop the soap like I do. Lucky him. I particularly love the scene where I take out my sharpened toothbrush and tell Senator Bob Menendez, 'Back off you commie Demo-Rat or else I'll shiv you!'. Of course that scene will have to await Bob's conviction. By the way, that line was my direct quote to him as I left the House chamber following my 2 018 State of the Union speech."
Trump, Fearful of Prison Time, Hires Alex Baldwin for a 5-10 Year REALITY TV Gig
TRUMP: "It will be a gritty crime drama in which I, played by that accomplished actor Alex Baldwin, become the 'President' of the Prison Yard!"
Future Dictator, er, Director Trump
"It's CRIMINAL what's A Guy/Gal Gotta Do To WIN!?"
Despite a general consensus of Mr. Ander-Thal's guilt of having committing repeated 'Anti-Trump Sentiments', the Judiciary Committee was unable to incarcerate Mr. Ander-Thal. Mr. Jordan stated this was simply due to the current flawed laws of the United States: "It is unreasonable that a person insulting Mr. Trump is deemed innocent until proven guilty and that we, the GQP members of Congress, do not have arresting authority. Rest assured my fellow Americans, when Mr. Trump returns to the White House, our GQP Police State WILL be established. At that time all dissent will be be quashed and our prisons will be filled. I'm looking at you Ned 'Biden' Ander-Thal, and you General Mark Milley....not to mention that traitor Mike Pence. Oh, and the rest of the Biden Crime family... even though we can find no actual evidence implicating Joe."
WHN EXCLUSIVE: Aggressive questioning of Mr. Ander-Thal by Congressmen Jordan and Gaetz failed to yield the desired incarceration of WHN Editor Ned Ander-Thal. Mr. Jordan states that under the next Trump Presidency, "Mr. Ander-Thal will not be so lucky!". © 2023 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News