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Satire

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Tovarishch Trumpkin

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Almost Washington State Bureau (WHN) - As evidence continues to emerge of co-ordination between the Trump(e) campaign and the Russian Secret Service, ace WHN Reporter, and former (?) covert CIA agent operating somewhere in Canada, Ned Ander-Thal has reinvestigated the extensive WHN Trumpe dossier.  Shockingly, in light of recently uncovered documents (see 1964 Yearbook photo above), our previous reports on Il Trumpe's political origins may be wrong.  Indeed, the caricature of Mr. Trump as a bumbling Italian-esque dictator may have been a sophisticated ploy to fool the American people into acceptance of Il Trumpe (hey, what American doesn't like pizza - and who makes the BEST pizza - Italians!).  But is Il Trumpe, Il Trumpe or Comrade Trumpkin???  To answer this question, intrepid WHN reporter Ned Ander-Thal pulled out his recently retired trench coat and infiltrated the Kremlin and then the Oval Office to uncover new secret documents and photos.  

April 4, 2017

Exclusive to the World Headline News

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Exclusive WHN Report:

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"Don't call me Comrade!"

Donald J. Trump

While Mr. Poutine Putin is said to favor Joseph Stalin as a role model, leaks within the Kremlin and White House confirm that Mr. Trump prefers the title of Tovarishch (Czar) over Comrade.  It is reported that this preference arises from the fact that the Czars of Russia ruled from Golden Thrones and could, unashamedly, show off their extreme wealth and their distaste for the "common man" while claiming to help them.

Recently uncovered yearbook photo of Donald Trump (left) and the mysterious Vlad M.R. Poutine (right) during 1964 field training exercise at the New York Military Academy.  The mysterious Vlad M.R. Poutine, reportedly an "exchange" student from "Europe", was reported to be a close confident of Cadet Trump; indeed, according to some, they were inseparable sharing a "cozy 1 cot field tent".  School officials were said to be uncomfortable about the close "relationship" between the two after the wily Mr. Poutine promised the naive Mr. Trump that, "We will rule the world together".  Surprisingly, Mr. Poutine was previously linked by the WHN to the well-known, and reputed terrorist, Barack Obama, Mr. Trump's predecessor in the Oval Office.  Investigative work by ace WHN Reporter Ned Ander-Thal has identified Mr. Poutine's real identity, a Mr. Vladimir Putin of the Kremlin, Moscow, Russia.  

The New York Military Academy was founded in 1889. Mr. Trump attended the New York Military Academy  from 1959-1964 while Mr. Poutine was present only during the 1963-64 academic year.  In 2011, Billionaire Trump refused a request from his alma mater for a $7 million donation to ease their financial problems and prevent bankruptcy.  In September 2015, the Academy was bought by Chinese real estate mogul Vincent Tianquan Mo - Making America Great Again?

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Join The FREEDOM CAMPAIGN TODAY - Before It's Too Late!

Among the earliest documents found was a "Tour Ticket" to the Kremlin issued to Tovarishch Trump in 1979 by Vladimir Putin (aka, Poutine), then a KGB Agent.  Indicative of the close relationship dating from their time together at the New York Military Academy (WHN research demonstrates that Vlad M.R. Poutine was in fact Mr. Putin).  Indicative of their close friendship Mr. Putin also acknowledges Mr. Trump's new bride Ivana.

More recently in October 2013, photographic evidence demonstrates that Mr. Putin and Mr. Trump attended a Kremlin Hallowen party together.  Mr. Putin, as President of Russian, found it unbecoming to dress in costume and attended the party in his normal work clothes (photo right) [EDITOR:  A Little known fact is that Mr. Mike Myers modelled "Dr. Evil" from the Austin Powers movies on

Mr. Putin].  Mr. Trump, in clear admiration of Mr. Putin

arrived similarly attired.  WHN analysis suggests that

it was during the Halloween Ball that the plans for

the 2016 campaign were finalized and put

in motion.  

Small mistakes have occurred .  Kremlin sourced Trump flags at a Trump rally had the Red, White and Blue but missed the stars and 10 of the stripes.  Because of the Obama embargo against Russsia, the Kremlin mistakingly used surplus Russian flags instead.

Mr. Trump visited the Kremlin in 1979 at the behest of Mr. Putin.  Was this the start of the cunning plan to take over the USA?

Secret Russian Inauguration Party - December 17, 2016.   Following Trumpkin's electoral win, Putin secretely flew the Donald and, his newest bride, Melania to Moscow, where, in Mr. Poutine's Putin's rustic country cottage, Tovarishch Trump was annoited.

In retrospect, the WHN's Ned Ander-Thal concluded that the Russia-Trumpkin connection should have been obvious from the beginning since, much like his codename of Pumpkin, Commrade Trumpkin is orange... and orange is almost RED, which is the color for Republican States but ALSO the color of Communism...which is of course the true ideology of ex-KGB Agent Poutine, er, Putin.  

Could The WHN Be WRONG?

Is It Il Trumpe or Comrade Trumpkin

Secret "Poutine" Communique: "We will rule the world together"

Trump's US Secret Service and, coincidentally, almost identical Kremlin Code Names:  Pumpkin and Pumpkin Head.

THE WHN NEEDS YOUR HELP!

The Trumpkin is attempting to fool the American public by claiming he has no idea "How to Fight Russia".  In an order to deliver the the "TRUTH" to the American puiblic, the WHN has set up Radio Free America.  

You can send your "Truth Dollars" to the WHN in support of OUR fight.

BE GENEROUS!

Remember, Only YOU Can Save America

[The WHN Recommends a minimum donation of $389* for our valiant fight against Poutine]

*This Way We Can Eat A Lot Of Poutine Thereby Protecting Our Fellow Americans.....

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