Everybody is Having BIGLY Fun Right?!
Exclusive to the World Headline News
April 14, 2018
Almost Washington State (WHN) Well over a year into the Presidency of Il Trumpe, much of America remains confused as to who "The Donald" really is. Some Americans scream "Greatest President Ever" (EDITOR: admittedly, these screams almost exclusively emanate from "The Donald" himself), others state "At least he's not Hillary", many cry "Russian Stooge" while more than a few embarrassed Republican party members whisper "He is really not a Republican you know, he used to be a Democrat". However, the confusion within the semi-United States is nothing compared to that of America's allies (or are they enemies?) and enemies (or are they allies?).
As a service to our international readers, WHN Editor Dr. Ned Ander-Thal, on temporary assignment in Canada (for the last 17 years) has tackled this conundrum. Using his superior investigative skills, documented and undocumented White House rumors and leaks, analysis of respected and disrespected news sources, and a Ouija board, Dr. Ander-Thal has concluded, "He is nothing but a 'BIGLY' Joker. The Joker-in-Chief". While this assessment initially reassured much of the world, Dr. Ander-Thal then dashed their 'thoughts and prayers' when he further clarified his findings: "I'm not talking about a joker like Bozo the Clown or Bill Cosby, ok maybe a little like Bill Cosby... or Harvey Weinstein... or Bill O'Reilly ... or Roy Moore (Editor: see WHN "The Boys Club") ... The point is he is 'THE JOKER'; the arch villain who has plagued Gotham (i.e., New York) since the late 1960s! Evidence obtained by the WHN suggests that around 2008, "The Donald", a.k.a, "THE JOKER" vanquished Batman. Well, 'vanquished' is perhaps too strong of a word, as it turns out that the wealthy Bruce Wayne, Batman's mild mannered persona, was atually a Gotham hedge fund manager who had over invested in housing derivatives and literally lost his shirt, well at least his bat suit, in the 2007/08 housing crash. Mr. Wayne is now a Doorman at Trump Tower selling salacious stories about Mr. Trump's love child (rumored to be 'The Penguin') to the National Enquirer. Anyway, without Batman to contain him, The Joker took first took his show national becoming, per Mr. Comey, the "Godfather of the U.S.", and is now taking his show international as the 'crazy, small handed, nuclear-armed, henchman of evil, or insanity, or confusions..take your pick." According to Dr. Ander-Thal, chaos is the central theme of global Trump Brand: "Chaos is Trump and Trump is chaos" Indeed, analysts at a Washington D.C. consulting firm (D.C. Comics; Committee On Maniacal Idiotic Criminal Syndicates) states that THE JOKER only thrives when "chaos rules". Per Dr. Ander-Thal, this philosphy is clearly evident in the White House.
White House insiders spill the beans to WHN EDITOR Ned Ander-Thal: Il Trumpe is really the "Joker-In-Chief". According to current and former White House staff, Il Trumpe like nothing better than a good old-fashion U-235 joke. In an exclusive photo, WHN Editor Ned Ander-Thal, posing as a low level henchman delivering "The Joker-In-Chief's" morning Cocoa Puffs (He's cuckoo... ...for Cocoa Puffs!) captured this tender moment of 'self-admiration' as "The Donald/Joker" prepares for a average day in the Oval Office. Note that he is making sure that his trigger finger is ready to "hit the Button" should the need, or simple desire, arise.
"Donald at work in the Lincoln Bedroom"
Photo by Melania Trump
When questioned as to "The Donalds" secret identity, White House Spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee-Sanders stated, "The President is actually a really fun guy, a real 'JOKER. He likes nothing better than a good practical joke. One of my favorites was the time he told Secretary of State Tillerson that is job was safe and then, once Tillerson felt comfortable, sent one of his henchmen, John Kelly, to execute him... well.... as it turned out, to figuratively execute him. Kelly didn't actually do what he was told to do... but, our Joker-in-Chief is a forgiving guy and he has assured General Kelly that, despite this failure, his job is safe." When asked by Fake News site CNN if "The Donald's" propensity for practical jokes could have a negative impact on foreign affairs, aside from the dismissal of Tillerson, Ms. Huckabee-Sanders stated, "No chance. Everyone knows that the President, or should I say Joker-In-Chief, wants everyone to have a good laugh. In fact, he just sent Kim Jung Un one of his patent pending 'joker-cakes' for his birthday. We are sure he will get a BIGLY BANG out of it." THE JOKER is said to be "atwitter with excitment" hoping that Little Kim will open his present first.
Per White House sources, America has never been in safer (though admittedly tiny) hands. An oft neglected Melania Trumpe states that the 'Mister' works on domestic and foreign policy from the moment he wakes at 3 am until lunch begins (10 am; two McDonald cheeseburgers, 2 large fries, shake (vanilla), 2 apple pies, and a bucket of KFC). Unfortunately, many Americans have failed to appreciate Mr. Trumpe's appetite ... or his work. To overcome this unfortunate state of affairs (and Mr. Trumpe knows LOTS about affairs), our First Lady Melania Trumpe is documenting "The Donalds" efforts for an upcoming WHN documentary on His Highness to air on Crime TV. In the first of many exclusive photos to come, Melania has shared with the WHN readers a candid photo of "The Donald" working in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Surprising Few, THE JOKER is Also the
A Twit + A Tweet =
Domestic and Foreign Chaos