THE END

Almost Washington State (WHN) April 1, 2025.  In perhaps the last EXCLUSIVE WHN PHOTO EVER, Ned captured the above selfie of President Trump explaining to him that 'retirement' was the only, er, BEST choice he had.  As Mr. Trump is reported to have stated: "It can be retirement with or without breathing... but the latter is my preference!"

Following their civil (war?) discussion, both the WHN and MTN received copies of Ned's formal letter announcing his retirement.  HAPPY 'RETIREMENT' NED!

APRIL 1, 2025    •    Issue 200 (of 200)

AFTER 200 Issues, and Trump's Re-election,

Ned Ander-Thal To GO INTO HIDING, JAIL, er, RETIRE

Almost Washington State (WHN) April 1, 2025. In a shocking development, it appears that THIS IS THE LAST ISSUE OF THE WORLD HEADLINE NEWS!

On March 31, 2025 Ned Ander-Thal attempted to cross from the Canadian frontier into the United States when he was seized by an armed patrol of the 42nd Trump Militia. However, rumors are rampant that Mr. Ander-Thal, who had resided in Almost Washington State since 2002, was, in actuality, handed over to the Trump militia members by the Government of Canada - but only after Mr. Trump threatened the country with high tariffs, a military takeover, and the return of Justin Bieber. In exchange for Ned, Canada 'may' now only faces high tariffs.

EXCLUSIVE MTN UPDATE ALERT:

Ned Ander-Thal "EXHAUSTED" AFTER 10+

YEARS OF VIRULENT ANTI-TRUMP LIES,

WILL "RETIRE" IMMEDIATELY

Trump continues to DEMANDS EXECUTION... or at least Prison!

Thanks for all the years of letting the

World Headline News

Inform (on?) You!

CAUTION: IF YOU ARE A NON-US CITIZEN, THE WHN MAY POSE A LEGAL THREAT TO YOU IF FOUND IN YOUR POSSESSION UPON ATTEMPTED ENTRY TO THE USA.

"So long...

... and thanks for all the fish!"*

* So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish (1984) is the fourth book of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy trilogy (which was actually six books! Ned HIGHLY recommends them!) written by the great Douglas Adams. [LINK]

If you are ever visiting Alc, er, the Trump-A-Traz Resort, please be sure to stop by!

Editor Ander-Thal was charged by the US Department of Justice (DOJ) with serious violations of the Anti-DEI Act (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) which was declared into law by President (for life?) Trump. Among the criminal acts cited were Mr. Ander-Thal's exclusive practice of hiring Homo neanderthalensis employees over TRUE AMERICAN Homo sapiens.  Moreover, Ned is also accused of giving preference to Albanians refugees [DOJ: over 50% of Albanians are Muslims!] over TRUE AMERICANS.  These serious crimes are punishable, under the Executive Order, or by Trump's whim, to up to life without parole or even a death sentence.

As a result of this news, the WHN news room is in absolute chaos. Employees are worried as to their pension plans, stock options, and free coffee supplies as Federal Bureau of Insolvency (FBI) agents began searching the massive headquarters building and seizing documents, passports (Albanian, American, and Andorran), and, most distressingly, the lunchroom donuts.  With virtually no WHN staff remaining, our, now former subscribers and innocent victims, are totally reliant on getting their information via MAGA TRUMP NEWS [MTN; click here to read the above issue].  As reported in MTN, Ned Ander-Thal appears to have fled the country along with longtime janitor Mark Scott who was accompanied by a mystery woman and mystery dog. However, as will be, we are sure, reported in future editions of the MTN, Mr. Ander-Thal is now in the hands of the Trump militia. Mark Scott, the mystery woman, and canine killer remain at large.

According to MTN Editor John Barron, Ned Ander-Thal was funded by liberal billionaire Gorge Soros to spread anti-Trump propaganda: "Soros' funding explained how Ander-Thal was able to publish the massively popular WHN without ever collecting any subscription fees!" Indeed, in one of his last interviews, Ned clearly stated, "It is true, the WHN has had a good run because of my Sore-ass funding... i.e., my ass got sore while sitting doing my real day job..."  But what has become of the WHN website and 32 years of archives? Co-President Elon Musk announced that he bought the site and it's archives for only $175,000,000 [Which Musk PAID directly to Trump as compensation for injuries arising from past WHN articles]; or as Elon put it, "I'm paying less for the WHN than what I paid for Trump!"  According to the Co-President, ALL past issues of the WHN have been laid to rest in a shallow grave in the Potter's field of a undisclosed Albanian cemetery.

As a courtesy of MTN, WHN subscribers with CURRENT, FULLY PAID, subscriptions will receive four (or more!) years of the highly acclaimed, and highly 'TRUTH'ful, MAGA TRUMP NEWS.

A POTTER'S FIELD IN ALBANIA

An Inglorious End to an Ignoble Paper

Q: Readers Want To Know: Why Were Ned's Trump Predictions Always So Damn Right?

A: Simple, Ned BELIEVED EVERYTHING that Trump said... especially the really whacky parts...

TRUE FACT:  In March 2025, a French nuclear researcher was denied entry into the USA to attend a scientific conference following discovery of "anti-Trump" comments on his phone. Days subsequent to the public (French and American) outcry regarding the event, the Department of Homeland Security suspiciously revised the grounds of entry denial claiming that the individual in question had possession of "confidential information" on an electronic device (phone) from the Los Alamos National Laboratory.  This, to date uncharacterized, information, was in violation of a non-disclosure agreement he had signed and, furthermore, they claim he was attempting to hide the alleged information. Interestingly, this 'confidential information' was discovered prior to attending the conference (i.e., as he entered the USA). No information was given as to how such information came into the French scientist's possession or how the CBP agent knew that he had signed a NDA regarding the information on the phone. As Mr. Trump is fond of saying, "MANY PEOPLE THINK" the latter explanation was contrived to cover up the actual reason (negative comments regarding Trump's science policies) for his exclusion ...

... AND WHILE  THE WHN  CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE EVER (unfairly) CRITICIZED MR. TRUMP, WE STILL THINK THAT OUR NON-AMERICAN PAID SUBSCRIBERS, AND EVEN OUR INNOCENT VICTIMS, SHOULD EXERCISE CAUTION WITH THEIR ELECTRONIC DEVICES WHEN ENTERING THE USA.

A WARNING

whimper...

A Potter's Field is a burial ground for unknown, unclaimed, or indigent people

MTN EXCLUSIVE:  AMERICA'S enthusiastic President (for Life?) Trump escorts Ned Ander-Thal to the EXCLUSIVE Trump-a-Traz Resort, the Mar-a-Lago of San Francisco Bay!  Mr. Ander-Thal's stay will include 3 meager meals per day and recreation time in this exclusive gated facility.  Ned may even get to ride the thrilling 'All Electric Chair Ride'"! HAPPY RETIREMENT NED! © 2025 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

MTN EXCLUSIVE:  To assure former WHN Subscribers and Innocent Victims that Ned CHOSE TO VOLUNTARILY RETIRE, a copy of his retirement letter was released by the Trump-a-Traz Resort. © 2025 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

January 6, 2023   •   Issue 170

MTN EXCLUSIVE: Following the purchase of the WHN's  website, intellectual (as if) property, and archives by Co-President Elon Musk, the entirety of the mess was buried in an unmarked Potter's Field plot in Albania.  However, this site was discovered by fellow Albanians and a tombstone was erected... a disrespectful Albania will be seized by the USA shortly. © 2025 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Visiting the USA?

with a whimper...