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Editor Ned Ander-Thal

Satire Since 1993

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

     GASP, IT'S TRUE!!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

WAS A NATURE DOCUMENTARY!

(placeholder)

SOURCE MATERIAL

CELEBRATE 32 YEARS

FORGET THE SWARMS OF MYSTERY DRONES...

Beware of THE BLOOD THIRSTY Squirrels!

Almost Washington State (WHN) January 1, 2025. GASP! Forget the "MYSTERY DRONES" plaguing America, a real threat to American lives has been uncovered: CARNIVOROUS SQUIRRELS!

Those sweet fluffy squirrels you feed at the park are just waiting to sink their fangs into your meaty flesh according to a research paper published in the Journal of Ethology. California ground squirrels, formerly though to be harmless seed-gathering photo opportunities, are CRAZED KILLERS. In a startling discovery, researchers observed squirrels actively hunting and eating other mammals (e.g. voles; a gateway meat to humans!).  Indeed, these blood thirsty animals had developed a taste for meat and the skills to hunt and kill. Per Dr. Sonja Wild (UC Davis's Environmental Science and Policy department), “I could barely believe my eyes... we saw that behavior almost every day. Once we started looking, we saw it everywhere.” Indeed, wonton killing has become the norm and they are good at it with over a 50% success rate - a rate better than most human killers!  When close enough to a target, the killer squirrels pounce on their prey, using their forepaws and teeth to subdue it with the kill typically involving bites to the neck area (see above photo). According to some naturalists (the naked, not scientist, kind), there is belief that this is an entirely new species of Sciurus (Squirrels) and they have named it Sciurus trumpus eatus as it was first identified on January 6 and is characterized by golden fur and it's aggressive nature.

The DANGER of these small furry rodents should NOT be underestimated.  Editor Ned Ander-Thal found this out the hard way. Following the population collapse of the local vole population (moving out of California due to high burrow casts?), Ned visited the squirrel reserve and, in his own words: "Upon entering the restricted area, I was almost immediately attacked by a scurry of squirrels - must have been 15-20!  Most went for my legs to disable me from running away, but a few crazy-eyed buggers went for my neck.  Next thing I know I'm waking up in the hospital where my head had been reattached by Dr. Ima Mangle."  Photographic evidence also suggest the Ned was NOT the first human victim of these carnivorous squirrels.  Indeed, Dr. Sonja Wild has NOT answered the WHN repeated inquires asking for her comment on our article. DNA testing of bone piles found in the carnivorous squirrels habitat are underway to determine if Dr. Wild was indeed a victim of her own wild discovery.  

There is concern that the range of the squirrels will rapidly expand consequent to their high protein diet and may, like COVID-19, become THE defining feature of the incoming Trump Administration.  Indeed, some are already calling this "The Coming Trump Apocalypse".  Biologists fear that human internment camps will become food rich targets for marauding scurries of the carnivorous beasts. As a result of these concerns, Ms. Martha Williams, the Director (Biden Administration) of US Fish and Wildlife Service has issued a warning to all humans and their dogs (but not cats who remain an apex predator) "traveling in areas with squirrels to exercise extreme caution as you may become prey to scurries (packs) of squirrels hunting BIG GAME". Small game hunters were being sought in hopes of eradicating this invasive species, however, the positions have been axed by Co-President-Elect Elon Musk.  Per Mr. Musk, "This is a dog-eat-dog, or should I say a Squirrel-Eat-Man World, and we should let nature prevail. But if you are afraid, and you should be, the Tesla CyberTruck is squirrel proof so, be safe America, and buy one today!"

WHN EXCLUSIVE: It appears that Ned got too close to those damn squirrels... Fortunately, Ned is recovering well following the reattachment of his head to his (only mildly gnawed) body by Dr. I. Mangle of the UC Davis Veterinary School.  Per Dr. Mangle, "Typically this is a complex surgery due to the innumerable neural connections between the brain and body.  But in Ned's case, the surgery was simple because his brain was tiny and has very few neurons making it a snap to reattach... just a little bit of super glue here and there and everything was back to normal.. well, normal for Ned. Much easier than our attempts at reattaching the vole's head..."  © 2025 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

Journal of Ethology Paper

"Yum, undocumented aliens, my favorite!"

click above links to go to source material

Emulating Putin? REAWAKENING OF AMERICAN MANIFEST DESTINY!

Trump Talks EXPANSION of the USA

  (and not just it's waistline)

January 1, 2025   •   Issue 195 (of 200?)

0

Of BLOOD and GORE, er, BUSH!

Actually, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump, Biden, and Trump

WHN EXCLUSIVE: PEACE and LOVE was Trump's message to his crowd of disciples on January 6, 2021. THIS is the NEW Holiday that America voted for in 2024! © 2025 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

President-Elect Trump is also determined to right a historical wrong - regaining possession of the 'AMERICAN CANAL' located in Panama.  The United States bought the land for the 'AMERICAN CANAL' from the French and then constructed the canal between 1904-1914.

Despite all the plantations, coups, and war brought to Central America by the US, the ungrateful people of Panama began efforts post World War II to reclaim the 'AMERICAN CANAL'.  In 1977 President Jimmy Carter  signed a treaty calling for the return of the canal to Panama on December 31, 1999.

However, BECAUSE the treaty was negotiated by President Carter, per Trump a known 'DemoRAT', and ratified by the Senate, President-Elect Trump has demanded that it be voided and has threatened to retake the canal before it falls into 'evil hands'.  Using the 1989 US Invasion of Panama (Operation Just Cause) as a blueprint, the US military forces will reassert control over the canal zone. But, honestly, why stop with only the Canal Zone? Panama has lots of great beaches perfect for Trump resorts and Trump Golf Courses.  

Indeed, Trump's Central America Policy seems to be mirroring that of 1870-1970 when the US proactively governed the area via coups , counter-coups.... and for Bananas, lots of bananas. The next four years are sure to yield a MAGA crop of bananas as well.

Almost Washington State (WHN) January 1, 2025. Taking a page from his mentor [The mysterious French-Canadian Vlad M.R. Poutine], President-Elect Donald Trump has announced an ambitious plan to vastly expand America's "living space" [i.e., Hitler's Lebensraum].  Indeed, acquisition "living space"for a country's citizens is a common theme for totalitarian rules.  Italy invade Africa for "living space"', Hitler and Stalin invaded Poland for "living space"', Hitler invaded the USSR for "living space"' and most recently Russia invaded Ukraine for "living space"... and of course the English, French, Spanish, German, American, Japanese (as well as innumerable other) empires invaded foreign lads for "living space".  Musk plans to invade Mars for"living space".

'Living Space' is crucial for the United States per Trump surrogate Steve Bannon: "Currently Russia is No. 1... and GROWING. While we don't really worry about, CAN-A-DUH and CHINA are number 2 and 3. America is only number 4.  We CAN'T be less than CAN-A-DUH, or CHINA! WHEN, not if, we implement phase 1 and 2 of our Hostile Merger List, the USA will become the NUMBER 1 country in size!  We'll be 8.4 million square miles while Russia will be a puny 6.6 million - then and only then, will Trump feel superior to Mr. Putin.  We'll be a SUPER Superpower than no one will dare challenge.  That will make the AMERICAN Canal a cake walk."  

Surprisingly, much of America is cheering Trump's plans. One unnamed Trump Cabinet nominee stated, "Bout time 'Merica kicked some ass. We got too many people in 'Merica - most is illegals, but some is 'legals' who need to be booted outa 'MERICA-Prime into 'MERICA-Minor... you know, places further north and more colder."  Meanwhile, echoing all through the Mar-a-Lago dining room chants of "USA is Number 1, USA is Number 1, USA is Number 1" could be heard proving that the TRUMP MANDATE must be REAL.

Moreover, GREENland, which is actually WHITEland, is rich in critical natural resources (e.g. snow). With US Strategic Snowball resources depleted by global warming, President-Elect Trump has renewed his plans to TAKE Greenland in order to regain World Snowball Superiority. While Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen of Denmark continues to say "NO!", Mr. Trump has a long record of not listening/believing when "No is No" when a woman say "NO!".

Per Mr. Trump, "America and I must EXPAND, just look at me, I've done my part.  I've always said, GO BIG or go home, and I've gone BIG!  See my BIG BALLS - they're not just for Christmas anymore!  The ruler of Denmark doesn't have balls this BIG, SHE was just letting Greenland go to waste - just look around, no Trump condo complexes."  In our EXCLUSIVE WHN photo, Mr. Trump is seen showing off his 'BIG WHITE BALLS' in front of the newly named Mount Melania: "I named it Mount Melania because she's tall and white.... and untouchable because she's, er, it, is so cold and frigid...  I'm told it also makes 'geopolitical', is that really a word, sense. I guess that means Greenland must be a land bridge between the lower 48 states, Alaska, and CAN-A-DUH, our lovely new 51st state..." 

It appears that Denmark's ONLY hope is that the USA will ABANDON NATO, as previously suggested by Mr. Trump, so that they can invoke NATO Article 5 and have other NATO members come to Denmarks aid in battling the US military in Greenland; though these countries fear that doing so might get THEM added Trump's Hostile Merger List or (worse?) Putin's acquisition list. 

Since the United States's earliest days, it has eyed the conquest of a make believe colony/country called 'CAN-A-DA' - sometimes referred to as America Junior. It is home to the best beaver pelts, the best maple syrup, and the inhabitants are horrible at waging war (despite defeating 3 previous US invasions). History suggest that they haven't even had a proper uncivil Civil War!  But best of all it is BIG and, per Trump, BIG IS BEST!  

Because of this, CAN-A-DA is literally the BIGGEST item on Trump's Hostile Merger List.  Trump has already informed Prime Minister Trudeau [they obviously have Amazon Prime but instead of buying a sex doll like Trump, they bought a Minster] that America will complete a hostile takeover and create America's 51st STATE (sorry Puerto Rico, it's not you or Washington D.C.) shortly after his inauguration.  

To accomplish this task, Mr. Trump has a two part plan: 1) ruin the Canadian economy by introducing 100% tariffs; and 2) INVADE (see plan above).  Indeed, Mr. Trump has told his Defense Secretary Peter Hagseth to dust off War Plan Red (1930).  Per Mr. Trump, clearly echoing Mr. Poutine's claim of Ukrainians, "CAN-A-DA-ians love us and will greet us as liberators.  It will take 3, maybe 4, days to role across CAN-A-DA.  Adding CAN-A-DA to the USA would more than double the size of the USA. This northern wasteland is a ripe target for US expansion and, with it's deviant one-payer medical system and stated belief in tolerance, it has become my top target."

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Trump shows details on Truth Social of his highly detailed military plans for the US Invasion of the future 51st state of the USA. The plans, originally made between 1915 and 1930 (shown), suggest that the 2025 invasion is practically ready to go.  © 2021 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

CAN-A-DA

GREENLAND

'PANAMA' AMERICAN CANAL

Almost Washington State (WHN) January 6-ish, 2025. As proven by the 2024 Presidential Election, Americans Old and Young love the Trump 'incited' holiday. It is reported that President-Elect Trump will make January 6 an official Government holiday by Presidential Decree on Day 1 (January 20) of his second 'official' term as President ["Many" people claim STATE that he was also the real elected President from 2021-2024 as well].  However, in the spirt of the Musk/Ramaswamy DOGE committee [Department of Government Efficiency] Mr. Trump will reduce the number of other Federal Holidays to reduce wastage of Federal monies.  Currently there are 12 paid US federal holidays.  The DOGE committee is targeting a reduction of this count to only 4: Trump Day (January 6); Independence Day (July 4); Thanksgiving (4th Thursday of November) and Christmas (Dec. 25). Superfluous 'Holidays' such as New Years (that should be the start of a PRODUCTIVE work year),  'Lesser President's birthdays', radical terrorist Martin Luther King's birthday, Memorial Day [Why have this? Trump is alive and well], Labor Day [sounds 'Commie' in nature], Columbus Day [ok, we MIGHT still keep this one IF the emerging indigenous content is eliminated] and Veteran's Day [Hey, it does NOT don't celebrate people that had bone spurs or avoided sexually transmitted diseases] will be removed. Other initiatives are also in the work: going back to the 7-day work week; expanding the work day to 12 hours; eliminating vacation and sick days; and getting rid of pesky safety and environmental regulations. President, er, Mr. Musk assures Americans that, despite some hardship for them, this will go a long way in improving Americas, and American Corporations, balance sheets!

AMERICA'S Newest National Holiday is an Unmitigated MAGA HIT!

NOTE: In FEAR, er, HONOR of President-Elect Trump,

the WHN would like to pretend2 we NEVER PUBLISHED

these (as well as MANY others) January 6 related articles:

2021

2022

2023

2024

WHAT ABOUT MEXICO!

Taco Tuesday, Taco Tuesday, Taco Tuesday....

Americans LOVE MEXICAN FOOD, but Canadian/Greenlander dishes - WTF are they?

Mexico is NOT currently on Mr. Trumps Hostile Merger List. This is in large part due to: 1) the lack of a common language; 2) the need for a country to which America can empty it's deportation camps to; and 3) the fact that Mexican drug cartels are among the best armed militaries in the world - thanks to good ol'American guns BOUGHT in USA thus helping the only remaining manufacturers left in the USA.

Moreover, several members of Trump's incoming Cabinet feel that the well armed Mexican Drug Cartel militias also provide excellent opportunities for battle testing America's SHORT to LONG RANGE weapons.  Importantly, new testing grounds will be necessary because, as he has repeatedly stated, Trump will end the Ukraine War on Day 1... or at the latest Day 2.  

Hence, there is currently little appetite for land acquisition (i.e., all of Mexico) as the USA will already be larger than Russia.  That could change however, should Mr. Putin successfully, using eminent domain claims, add not just Eastern, but also Western, Europe, to Russia and THEN merge with China.  Should this occur, then all bets are off. Mexico, England, Iceland, the rest of Central and South America, would likely be added to the Hostile Merger List.

WHN EXCLUSIVE: More on Trump's BIG WHITE BALLS were published in 2019! © 2025 Ned Ander-Thal,

World Headline News

Astute observers of the NEWS, and as a WHN subscriber that surely includes you, will have noticed the recent trend (since Nov. 5) of billionaires and large corporations donating MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to the Trump Inaugural Committee, the Trump Presidential Library, and The Trump in hopes of 'getting in good" with the most malevolent, er, benevolent, President in American history.

We at the WHN won't do that... we don't have the $$$. BUT in the Spirit Of The BEST Inaugural Season

ever, and as a blatant attempt to stay out of JAIL,

we 'want to' applaud as

AMERICA CELEBRATES

The 4th Anniversary Of The

GREAT PATRIOTIC MAGA MARCH

ON DEMOCRACY, er, THE CAPITAL

We 'pretend to pretend' that we regret these publications....

WHN EXCLUSIVE: President-Elect Trump outlines his global initiative to the world. Per Mr. Trump, "America, just like Russia, needs MORE 'Living Space' for our continued prosperity and to make me the GREATEST expansionist in American history. As shown in this map, my plan more than doubles 'Merica's size and makes it the LARGEST country on the planet.  Ok, smart ass, yes we already have the largest girth but 'm talking about the largest land mass.  We'll even be bigger than Russia - even WHEN they swallow up all of Europe!".  © 2025 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

CAN-A-DA (AGAIN), GREENLAND (AGAIN), and the

PANAMA AMERICAN CANAL (AGAIN, AGAIN and AGAIN!!)

The other BIG item on Trump's Hostile Merger List remains Greenland which he attempted to extort from Denmark in 2019 (see earlier story) in exchange for Puerto Rico.  With the conquest of CAN-A-DA, this only makes sense because most Americans already believe that Greenland is part of CAN-A-DA when looking at a map.

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Coming soon, new Trump Towers AMERICA locations where every room has a water view!

© 2025 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News.

WHN EXCLUSIVE: Trump, "Unlike the people, MEXICAN FOOD is both LEGAL and delicious!" © 2025 Ned Ander-Thal, World Headline News

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Speaking of the MIGHTY RIGHT, 'HAPPY' JANUARY 6...... woohoo

NOTICE: Beginning in 2025, the World Headline News will be transitioning our main address to the www.thewhn.com.  However, www.thewhn.ca will also remain live for the foreseeable future.

Disaster!

[The Sequel To The 'Trump Pandemic'?]

Is This The BEGINNING of the:

'Trump Apocalypse'

Click Link!

In Memoriam

James (Jimmy) Earl Carter

October 1, 1924 - December 29, 2024

39th President of the United States

Click On Jimmy's Photo

to READ our 2022 Exclusive Report on the Day That Jimmy Saved The World.

Actual Quotes

THE NEW WORLD ORDER

MIGHT MAKES RIGHT!

Putin Wins With Trump's Territorial Claims According To His Kremlin Advisors

Putin's America expert Dmitry Drobnitsky stated, “Based on the team Trump is bringing along and who he is himself, it’s clear that he is certainly not a builder of a new world order. He is a destroyer. He will tear down the old world order.”

Influential Russian TV host Vladimir Solovyov added, “By taking Canada, Trump is basically saying, “Russians, you can take the Baltics.” ... This is the era of the strong.  ... Do you think I’m kidding when I say that Finland, Warsaw, the Baltics, Moldova, and Tallinn should come back home? Do you think I’m joking? No! They should all rejoin the Russian Empire. Followed by Alaska, by the way. Give it back.””

Per Russian Military Expert and Putin Adviser Mikhail Khodaryonol: "After the statement of President-elect Donald Trump about Canada, Greenland, and Panama, in my opinion, we can now consider special military operations as the norm for resolving arguments between countries. The silence of European leaders clearly confirms this.”

Political scientist Dmitry Kulikov concluded that "the era of nation-states is over and the world will return to the era of empires." He confidently stated, “The new world is dawning.”

AS WE

Sciurus trumpus eatus